His Beloved's diary

Multiply

2006-07-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

Hi my beloved readers,

I think I'll be shifting to multiply. The new addy will be http://belovedsally.multiply.com. If I ever do shift back, I'll also post a notice there.. but I hope not.. :)

I'm quite new to it but what it has that blogger doesn't, is that it seems to have good network support. It purports to support "meaningful" relationship rather than growing the biggest site.

Advantages:

1. Sharing other stuff like photos, music and video

2. Some extra features like a "Review" section where one can share book/movie reviews and also be notified at the same time - see what your friends are watching! :)

3. Also, there's a calendar feature. Sometimes we have activities coming up and to organise a group activity, we tend to mass mail. Or sometimes we receive a mail about a friend's upcoming activity but forget to reply. This feature allows us to share our timetables with each other.

4. Because of the above 'network' support, we can keep in touch by being involved in each other's life (different aspects other than just blog but music as well.)

5. There's also a notification feature when there's a new blog entry/review etc up.

6. There's an easy import feature from blogger to multiply. I tried that and it's really easy. The only thing is that for me, it didn't import my whole blog but I think only the last 2 months. It's a duplication but it feels good 'cos it doesn't feel like it's starting from square one.

7. All you need to do is apply to multiply. You don't have to keep a blog there. Little maintenance but it'll be nice to keep in touch with me, yes? E-mail me your address and I'll send an invite along. ;) My e-mail is found via my profile here.

shalom!

:) Sally Elisha

footloose

2006-07-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

80 s music - foot...

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Holding out for a hero

2006-07-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where's the great white Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what i need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light
He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
Larger than life

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasies
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light
He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
Larger than life

Out where the mountains meetthe heavens above
Out where the lightning strikes the sea
I can swear that there's someone somewhere watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
and the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light
He's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
Larger than life

Bonnie Tyler - I N...

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Oh, do I remember this song. It's sung by Bonnie Tyler. In the past, it's about finding a life partner, getting married, settling down plus the chemistry, the excitement, the life and everything explosive about passion.

In fact, the energy behind the song is kinda of scary (in the sense of wondering, is it possible? can such a man exist?) and so attractive 'cos it reflects the cry of the female heart.

The heart of a woman is not like having english tea at the patio - though it can be that. But the depths, ah, that's different. It can be wild, turbulent, untamed, pulsating wait for a mate that would match her. But of course, we cover it with niceties and it is forgotten in the grind of daily lives - except, perhaps, when it is unleashed in the bedroom...

But really, the only Perfect man that would fill such a role is Christ alone. Because only with Him, can I NOT cut any corners, not convince myself to settle.

Heart's desire, soul's satisfaction - these are cries from the depths, the thirst of which only true living waters and quench.

Living with God - it's like a Dare, an outrageous invitation to life! If only I can shed the shackles of security and launch out into the deep with Him. If only I can reach inside into the true me and live courageously, adventurously with Him. Let me keep my eyes upon You and You shall transform me Lord!

Jailhouse rock

2006-07-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

Stand up everybody! Elvis is IN the building!

hahaha... what a rockingly cute finale to the end of service yesterday! It's the 50s, the girls and the boys in their colourful clothes. It's the moves, it's the groove, it's the hairgel and the sideburns... it's the music of Elvis baby!

Lyrics 'copped' from Sean's aka uncle muthu's 24 hr prata place.

So heeeere's Jail Got Rocked

Warden threw Paul n Silas down to Jail,
The prison all around em thought their plans've failed
Started sumthin when the bos began to sing
Shook the earth alot n let the jailbirds spring!

In the Stocks!
Everybody was shocked!
evry door in the cells was unlocked,
when the macedonian Jail got rocked!

Silas started praisin n it cracked some stone,
little did they know it was a sign that was to come
a rumblin noise hit the boys and smashed the chains
broke the richter scale it was a powerful thing!

In the Stocks!
Everybody was shocked!
evry door in the cells was unlocked,
when the macedonian Jail got rocked!

From the Throne of Heaven came a rumbling
Tore right through the jail rather effortlessly
they should've used a seismograph but honestly
they wanted to but it was 51 AD

In the Stocks!
Everybody was shocked!
evry door in the cells was unlocked,
when the macedonian Jail got rocked!

* Cue guitar solo and lots of shaking and twisting

The macedonian prison in the time of Rome
was more like california by the time it was done
the warder said "hey buddy whould ya please explain,
can you tell me what to do so i'll get saved??"

Let's Talk!
Everybody was shocked!
evry door in the cells was unlocked,
when the macedonian Jail got rocked!

"If you just believe in the Lord Jesus Christ
Warden you can now repent and save your life
Would ya like forgiveness?" and he said "Yes yes!
You gotta stick around i'm gonna get my kids!"

Let's Talk!
Everybody was shocked!
evry door in the cells was unlocked,
when the macedonian Jail got rocked!

Love is in the air

2006-07-10T21:41:00.000+08:00

Feeling a little whimsical this evening...

So enjoy the lyrics of this song... the beat is a little bit of cha-cha :)

Love is in the air
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound

And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Love is in the air
In the whisper of the trees
Love is in the air
In the thunder of the sea

And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel sane
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name

(Chorus)
Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Love is in the air
In the rising of the sun
Love is in the air
When the day is nearly done

And I don't know if you're an illusion
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you

Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise

But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

from the song "Love is in the air" by John Paul Young

..nope, not sung by the ex-pope when he was young... ha.. I know 'tis corny..

Health

2006-07-10T18:45:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm still in the valley of the shadow of death.

His staff and His rod, nay, His presence comforts me.

Health is so important to achieve so many things. And without health, there're so many things I want to do that I cannot.

Makes one appreciate the simple things like being able to communicate. I can't even carry on a vocal conversation right now.

It never occurred to me that this coughing is from God. Nor that God allowed it to happen.

In fact I had a conversation with a brother where we differed on this point. He pointed out to the OT where it said God caused this, God caused that (bad stuff) to happen. And Pastor said that in the hebrew, according to some greek scholar (I think it was Thayer), that the word "caused" was in the permissive rather than active tense.

But my point was this is NT, post-cross. I'm practical. Whether God caused it to happen (active) or allowed it to happen (passive), the fact is it makes no difference with regards to the result. i.e. I still have that $%^&* cough. And doing something or doing nothing when He can do something, is an expression of His will. I know my Abba. And His will is NOT for me to be sick.

I can only say that by His stripes I'm healed.

I'm not actually over bothered by the cough at first, only recently, because of it's duration... :S

I just remember that God makes all things work for good for those who love Him.

Sometimes, I think of this trial like vaccinations.

God will not allow us to be tempted more than we're able to cope. And actually, with each new 'trial', by persevering, I actually emerge stronger. Each time I'm sick, I'm interested in studying health. Appropriating health. Learning about Jehovah-Repheka - The Lord that heals.

When I'm suffering lack, it's then that I learn about the Lord being my inheritance. Leaning on, relying on Him.

With every vaccination, I gain a deeper understanding, a fresh reminder. Like this time. Like this cough.

Just reminds me of how sweet being healthy is. To be grateful for health. In every little thing.

This cough just makes me angry now! I just imagine that sick spirit of infirmity latching onto me. urgh! Let me think no more on it but focus on the cross, on the holy communion; let me remind myself that His body was broken for me.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed

Isaiah 53

Faithfulness

2006-07-09T19:13:00.000+08:00

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of love
for Your faithfulness to me

Hmm.. during worship today, I'm reminded it's not my faithfulness. It's His faithfulness.

But another thought occurred.

How awesome it is that Almighty God should choose to be faithful to me?

I mean, why should he bind Himself to me? He is able to do all things. He is powerful, awesome, almighty, holding the world in His hands. And who am I that He wants to be faithful?

Yes, I know the theological arguments behind it.

I was again reminded of a marriage covenant. Like the wife committing adultery and the husband remaining faithful and waiting for her to turn to him, wooing her back with love. In such a case, there would be grounds for divorce. But no, he chooses to wait. To remain faithful. Because of love.

But look at his wife! The harlot. Is there anything lovely about her?

It just baffles me how God sees us. How He sees me. Yet by practising the truth of redemption, the sanctification by the blood of the lamb and the imputation of righteousness; by His revealing daily, the righteousness I have through the cross, I begin to see myself through the eyes of my Beloved.

And then - confidence, security, beauty and wisdom comes, knowing my true worth in Him. Seeing myself through the eyes of His love.

Faithfulness. It's not about me. It's about Him. His faithfulness to me in my life's journey. How awesome that He chooses to bind Himself to me!

Great is thy faithfulness!
Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed, thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness
Lord unto me!

World Cup 2006

2006-07-09T19:09:00.000+08:00

Well, it seems official, NCC is rooting for Italy.

At least the leaders are.

I seem to be the only lone voice who shouted out France when Deacon Matthew threw out the question, "Who do you think will win the World Cup?"

Geez, and I prayed you know, so I really thought France would win. Of course, at the back of my mind, is the question, what if other christians prayed for Italy? Well, I like to think I'm one of Abba's favourite daughters so I felt that France would win. Aiyah, now Pastor Prince also voiced support for Italy.. tsk tsk..

Sometimes, I wonder how God would answer such prayers where there are Christians on both side. I wonder if Abba has his own tally sheet... see which side got more Christian supporters? LOL... haha

Anyway, viva la France!

hope I said it correctly :D

cough

2006-07-07T13:06:00.000+08:00

*cough* *cough*

hiaz, I'm having a cough and I'm thoroughly fed up. Can't even complete a sentence without a cough. If I breathe too deeply, it triggers it. And sometimes it's so violent I'm simply exhausted by the end of it.

I wonder why I don't have any problems coughing when sleeping. My sleep is really sweet. It's when I'm awake and every few seconds, I have to cough. Can't stand it. Can't go to work. How do I speak to clients if I'm coughing after every few words?

And the temptation to feel sorry for myself is real strong. The 'poor me' syndrome which I sometimes am tempted to indulge in.

And no amount of 'trying' to focus on the Lord. Oh, I wish I could come to the place where I can really work by faith and not by sight. To be able to take holy communion without reminding myself that I'm not taking it to 'gain' healing.

Oh Lord, You have to be the one to pull me out of this rut. How can I exhibit joy, faith, peace, love when I am preoccupied with physical self? :( Abba, You handle it lah. I'm tired, fed-up with it. I can't even pray ernestly, sincerely whatever and almost resigned to let the stupid cough run it's course. But it's been almost two weeks! What da?!

Lord, You love me right? So it's up to You! I don't care. This is Your holy temple. You take care of it! If You don't, I can't. I don't care what about talking to my mountain myself. I tried that. But it is Your power Lord and Your resurrection life that You choose to fill in Your Word.

Ah.. when I don't know what to do, I shall just mutter in tongues, in spurts.. Lord, how can I endure, or pray for long when I feel so bleh. Do it in faith yah? Okay, I'll try...

Abba, I'm sorry for being irrelevant today. But I want You to know my frustration. I think I need to express my sulking to You :S Thanks for hearing anyway. Knowing You love me is a comfort. And though I don't feel anything right now, nor want to, yet I cherish the memories of those times when You held me close. And Lord, I know that You are the same, yesterday, today and forever.

Love You Lord. Love me too? :) Hugs and kisses... my Jesus.

Diary

2006-07-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I may be blogging less.. but that's what I said end of last year too...

I miss the paper and pen. It's tangible rather than electronic. :)

And I like writing. Language is somewhat a little like architecture. Not only in prose construction but also, in calligraphy.

Ahh.. I like my own handwriting. I actually have two. One is a beautiful cursive one and the other is a more deliberated, square, scholarly style. :) I don't deliberately switch between the two, though I can but I realise that my handwriting changes with my mental state and mood.

Subscription?

2006-07-02T11:18:00.000+08:00

Have added a subscription button at the bottom on the left-hand margin. :)

Shalom!

Song of Songs - sermon notes (18 June 2006)

2006-07-02T09:36:00.000+08:00

I really liked this sermon. It's on one of my fave books in the OT. And Pastor Lawrence's sermons ministered to me. Mmm hmm.. fed and satisfied on the love of Christ!

Songs of songs 1:2

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
For your love is better than wine.

wine = pleasures and intoxication (in the world)

Every physical and spiritual beauty is found in Jesus.

He is the source of beauty

kiss - not like that given by the father to the father to the prodigal son but a kiss of intimacy

When you feed on Jesus, you become truly satisfied
- Jesus is the bread of life
- all your hunger is satisfied in Him.

Song of songs 1:3

Because of the fragrance of your good ointments,
Your name is ointment poured forth;

The name is associated with a person. It is identification.

Jesus = SAVIOUR

Jesus - His name is like a sweet fragrance.

Captain of our salvation (protection, preservation..)

The name is associated with what this person has done.

Smile on your face, sparkle in the eys and skip in the steps

Song of songs 1:4 (KJV)

Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.

After God draws you, you will run (spiritual activity) after Him.
- serve God from the overflow
- there is no way you can serve out of your own fleshly effort.

Our passion and desire for Him even comes from Him.
- we are drawn to Him.

chambers = place of intimacy, of passionate love between husband and wife.

God desires you much more than your desire for Him.

God is active; church is described as 'she' - passive.

Gospels tell us about God's pursuit of us - His love that has given us His only beloved Son.

"remember thy love" - we need to remember that God's love is better than wine.

God's love is not meant to have an intellectual discussion. It is meant to be experienced and enjoyed.

We enjoy God's love by faith.
- it is not by feelings.
You believe and it will be real.

We are called to live by faith.

Faith gives substance to things hoped for.

Faith makes God's love real to you.

Believe that He has called you. God will give you a new voice for this new generation. yield and flow

God doesn't need you to serve Him. You get to serve Him.

The focus is on Christ and on Him alone
- Colossians 1:16-20

For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.

And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.

For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross.

It is through grace that we receive.

Don't look at grace as a doctrine. Grace is a Person

Christian life is not about getting things from God. It is a living relationship.

Jesus, the author and finisher of faith.

When you see Jesus, the faith will be there.

How big you see Jesus will be how big your faith is.

Your faith is not determined by what you see. Your faith must be built on the Word of God.

The problem is we have faith in His power but not in His willingness.

- Mark 1:39-42

Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.”

Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.”

As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed.

It is not what we can do. It is what He has done and what He is doing in and through us.
- God gives you the will and the desire to do.
- how hard is it for a hungry man to eat? Life in Christ is like that! :D
- Hebrews 13:20-21

Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

You are holy, that's why you want to liva a holy life. How?

Christ is our all in all
- righteousness, wisdom and holiness

There's one thing that He seeks from you. He wants your love.

Song of songs 4:10

How fair is your love,
My sister, my spouse!
How much better than wine is your love,
And the scent of your perfumes
Than all spices!

- This is God telling you how beautiful your love and worship of Him is.

He loves the love that we have for Him.

God's desire is for me.

It's not about how to be intimate with God. Just be intimate with Him. (you're already in Him)

"I am my beloved and His desire is toward me" (Song of songs 7:10)

He who is extraoridnary is in you. That's why you are no longer ordinary.

Almost MJ

2006-06-30T01:21:00.000+08:00

I'm been thinking why I like MJ's music videos. Why am I attracted to the music and dance although I'm adverse to the man now?

I think rawness is compelling isn't it? It's so there. It's well, so raw that there's no niceties about it. Almost daring one to accept it. Like some of L'arc-en-ciel's music. Passion, even in it's human form, taunts and is charismatic.

Well, here's a video se7en doing MJ.

Worship

2006-06-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

Who is there like You Lord?

Worship...it's not just 'cos Jesus is Lord and He is mighty and good.

Worship is deeper than that. Worship is adoration.

Adoration so intense that we just fall before Him.

A love so compelling that we cannot help but desire Him.

Desire.

Desiring the Lord with every fibre of one's being?

At times, it resonates deeply within, especially in times of worship. And the intensity is like diving deep.

And I just know how good He is to me, how much He desires me and loves me.

We can't help ourselves but adore Him! Like falling in love. How can one control love?

My Lord and Saviour, my God and King.

Worship so intense that it's exhausting and yet so satisfying. There is something so intimate when God touches my heart. Sometimes, I feel His delight when I tell Him, "I love You."

Like how a Lover would delight to have His love reciprocrated.

Worship. It's beyond understanding. It's being filled to the brim, to overflowing, receiving in the Spirit something - His love and more! O, I don't know how to express it!

I'm just so thankful that the Lord wanted me. Went out to look for me. Without Him, I can't imagine how life would be. Without Him, I would have been without hope, living life, deluding myself with material goods, intellectual pursuits, an independent lifestyle - yet in all these, at the end of the day, is only emptiness and ashes.

One can delude oneself. But the night forces one to face stark reality, if one chooses to be really honest.

'Cos I've lived that life and it's so futile.

To live is Christ.

What is life otherwise?

The heart of it, the intoxication of life, the pleasures and true satisfaction is found in Christ alone. Nothing else matters. Nothing else but Jesus. Without God, I am lost, blinded, meandering about life with a passive sense of hopelessness and inevitability.

Having tasted His love, seen His passion, O Lord, I just want to go so much deeper into You!

Purity

2006-06-30T00:50:00.000+08:00

Truth is so pure, it cuts straight through.

It cannot be denied - in fact, it takes effort to be denied.

Truth is so pure, it speaks straight to the heart. It is light itself. It is life!

It is spiritual. And the more 'spiritual' or rather, the more we come into a revelation of the purity of the truth, it is so practical.

Holiness is not airy fairy. It is real, it is weighty. It is glorious.

Truth is in Christ Jesus alone!

Far above, far above.

Standards so high that it is only by blood that we are able to come before God.

Washed as white as snow - purity.

Lord, it's only by Your grace
that I can worship in this place
O what a great privilege
to know You face to face

There is no one else like You
No one else as beautiful as You
No one else can compare to You
All I want is to worship You!

(by Joshua Lee, NCC)

it's only by Your grace...
worship..
great privilege..
to know (intimacy).. face to face...

no one like You...as beautiful.. can be compared..

I wonder if I'm able to appreciate the majesty, beauty, loveliness, purity, awesomeness of His grace, His magnificence, His loving kindness and mercy towards me.

How am I able to stand before His throne?

But to see Him is to love Him.

To fall before Him in worship and adoration!

Sacrifice

2006-06-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

Lord I thank you for Your sacrifice
Yes Lord I thank you
You're the giver of my life and
Lord I praise You
I honour You

Lord I love You
You're my exceeding great reward
Lord I exalt You
I honour You

Worship is so awesome. And it always moves me when I think of Jesus who offered Himself as my sacrifice.

He became a sacrifice that I may have life! He is the GIVER of my life!

When we were singing this song today, I had a flashback of myself at home, lazing about, being bored with life, wonder wandering.. and I'm reminded, hey, I have a life to live! And this life was by His sacrifice!

There's something about meditating on Jesus being the sacrificial lamb 'cos when I look at Him on the cross, I see His love for me unto death. And His love always gives me the strength to do, to live FOR Him.

Otherwise, there's no meaning to life.

But with Him, is fullness of life!

Lord I praise You
You're the giver of my life
Yes Lord I praise You
You're the lover of my soul
Lord I praise You
I honour You

Lover of my soul.

It's not a touchy feely feeling. It goes deep, like laser into one's heart. Sometimes, I don't know why I cry. It's more than being moved. I guess it's like a hug. Not a physical hug. No, it's more than like a hug. It's like one's soul and spirit is enveloped in His being.

Sacrifice. How can I look on His bleeding body and His scourging and not remember that His heart's desire is for me. Truely, it is The Passion. This is what passion is.

Beauty of submission

2006-06-23T11:59:00.000+08:00

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:3-6

Abba is not asking us to keep quiet, 'woman should be seen and not heard' silly practice. :)

But look what it says, "a gentle and quiet spirit" I believe, this is referring to the state of the heart rather than an outward behaviour. The Word talks about it as being "the hidden person of the heart" For that is where one's true self lies.

Oftimes, people who are angry are people who are hurt. But instead of saying or admitting they are hurt, they become angry. It is not that they choose to be angry but their expression is anger, whereas it's true root is hurt.

There was once when I was angry and had to force myself to take a step back, step out mentally from the situation to detach my emotions and analyse them. And knowing it's root allows me to defuse my own anger rather quickly.

Complaining is also another symptom. I've realised it's saying, "I deserve better. You should... You ought to.. should have known. How could I? I'm already... I've did my part..." Basically, it's finger-pointing and it stems out of a very Me spirit.

The Word calls us to be longsuffering - which really, is impossible by human standards.

But to be able to see objectively (I think it's somewhat a gift from God - I think!) I'm appalled at my own behaviour when I move to observe as a third person.

Conversely, there is a beauty in submission. Because submission is not about being below/beneath someone, it is about choice.

The issue really is about giving honour.

And it's up to you, yet it's really not, to choose to give honour to your parents, your boss, your ministry leaders, your elder siblings, your clients, etc.. At times submission is not because of who the person is (i.e. respect) but his/her position. 'Cos if I only submit to a person I respect in the natural, then it's not submission is it? But I find that when I submit to the position, I find a 'supernatural' respect for that person in my heart that I would ordinarily find it hard to have if I go by the natural and judge by one's words and actions.

What do I mean?

For months last year, I struggled with this issue of submission to my boss at work and my parents at home. And I told the Lord that it's hypocritical if it's only outward and Lord, you change my heart! You write upon it! And for months there was no answer.

I tell you when the breakthrough came.. and you shall see the importance of words.

Remember The quarrel with my dad in my previous post "Humility"? I can tell you the exact moment (the trigger) when the floodgates threatened to burst. He was referring to a trekking trip that I did about 5-6 years back. It was when my dad said, "You were so treasured by us yet you insisted to go on that trekking trip. We thought, why should we care when you don't care about yourself? You were my lover's precious daughter and you decided to go even when we kept saying no."

I'm paraphrasing above, and it's a little toned-down. But what really moved me were the words in italics.

I guess I always saw my dad and mum as The Parents. I never heard him use such words before - especially you know, in a traditional chinese family. But the words that he used were passionate - with, love and hurt. And I do believe that somehow, the Lord allowed him to articulate the true feelings he had inside 'cos my dad never says such things. :)

You know the Proverbs 31 woman? She's like that because her husband praises her and that really helps in submission.

Giving honour to one's parents and one's boss at work is really a beautiful and joyful practise to me (and I'm still learning!) Because I knew from whence I came. I'm stubborn and hard-headed, rational and logical, educated and independent. And I liked the way I was. And I thought others should be taught to see the way I see - that there's a better way in doing things...

So to turn 180 degrees, that can only come from the Lord. And I am touched when I submit and give honour because I know this heart of mine, is not by my own doing or choice - yet it is my choice that I can willingly do so. It evolves more and more, from a conscious choice to a lifestyle and a flow. I am touched and moved because it's a reminder that the Lord is working in me, diligently and faithfully, transforming me through the power of His Word and His love.

Really, it's to sit at His feet and just receive and receive even though there may not be any results yet. I've been talking to Abba on this issue of submission for close to a year. And I've realised, only when I have received, will I be able to give to others.

It is not only to people who are in positions that 'require' submission. Submission is also to one another. To one's peers. Only then can we truely bear in love.

There's a beauty in submission which is both strong and wise, gracious and compassionate. It is like still waters that run deep, like a glorious sunrise of greater things to come.

Unlike the world which has 7 steps for better habits, 3 steps to lose weight etc... Enjoy Daddy's love and give honour to the people who matter.

As for the rest (of good success), I'm waiting with anticipation to see.

Humility

2006-06-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

It's strange what humility means. What the Lord showed me...

Hmm.. okay, I'll relate a rather personal incident 'cos I think it may help.

About a week ago, I quarrelled with my dad. I seldom quarrel, preferring to sulk in silence or cry to Abba. But that time, I was just angry and I just wanted to get it out with him.

Anyway, there was a point in the quarrel where I felt I was going to cry. And I quickly prayed, "O Lord, let me not cry! Not now!" 'cos I didn't want to be seen as weak. And at that moment, there was a flashback of a memory of me as a child. I remembered my dad telling me (what most parents still tell their kids sometimes), "If you cry some more, I'll beat you."

Now, I've got to say that my dad loves me very much. More than I feel I deserve to be loved actually 'cos I realised now that I've hurt them a lot. And I know my parents are human and not perfect. Probably at that time when he said that, he was just trying to stop me from crying/ throwing a tantrum.

But those words really sank into me. I didn't realise how much. I didn't like to be seen as vulnerable. I kept my feelings (not the happy ones, but personal hurts) close to my heart. I refused to show weakness and submission before my parents in disagreements, preferring to retreat into stony silences and later on, indifference.

I've heard someone say before that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. And before this long-bottled outburst, we've just been burying our past hurts by silence and communicate through cutting words or facial expressions. It really hurt me but I wanted to remain strong and my defence was indifference.

So there I was, to my horror, on the verge of tears. Quick prayer to the Lord and I felt Abba reassure me, "Don't hold it in. Why are you afraid to be vulnerable?" And then I crumbled and cried in front of my dad.

One moment we were shouting at each other and the next moment I was sobbing. 'Cos on one hand I felt so hurt and sad and on the other hand, I realised that I've hurt my dad deeply too and I didn't even know. We had a most honest and open conversation we ever had in years.

And I felt that God, at that moment, in that quarrel (which was a bad thing in the natural) - the Lord reached out and into me and broke something within me. Something I didn't even know that I held on to and shaped my character. He broke my pride.

When the Lord does it, oh, I don't know how to say it. It like something hard like glass that I had unknowingly nurtured in my heart, shattered. And Jesus came and swept away all the little bits. It's been a week, and suddenly, it became so natural to talk to my parents without the 'usual' impatience. It became a joy to consciously call them many times a day, "Papa" and "Mummy" (even though I'm 27 years young! LOL). I even wanted to cultivate the habit of calling them on their handphone, when in the past I tried to avoid communication unless necessary. It's 'suddenly' lovely to try to look out for things that I could do for them - even the little things which I used to purposely overlook. Like giving up the living room TV so they can watch football instead of saying, "you can also watch it upstairs"; answering their questions in detail and sharing my life with them instead of answering, "I'm going out with friends" (period)

I think humility is when the Lord makes one's heart soft. Soft to give generously love and compassion, to lend a listening ear, to give a cheerful smile; soft to be willing to overlook slights and ability to truely empathize. Soft to people who matter. Soft in the sense of being willing to be open and vulnerable. Soft so that one's heart is fertile to plant those seeds of love. Open enough to cry without shame, to love without fear, to hurt and still love willingly, joyfully.

There's so much I have to learn. So much time that I have to make up for - for my callous actions to my parents in the past. I'm so grateful that it is the Lord who teaches me, lovingly. So wonderful that just one touch from God, things just change.

Both my parents and myself are learning. I can see God moving in my family life. It is not so much that my parents have to change then I'll change. Love - a revelation of that love of God shed abroad in my heart really changes perspective. Love loves regardless and unconditionally. Do I still get affected? Of course I do sometimes. But it's wonderful how He writes on my heart. Where once I used to get irritated and short with them, now I just smile and 'sigh' in my heart, look up to heaven (within me of course and not with my physical eyes) and mutter, "Lord, patience!" And He gives! And it becomes easy to bear in love. It even becomes cheerful - like rejoicing in 'tribulation'.

Doesn't make sense does it? Only with the Lord! Only by His grace! Only when He is the one writing on this heart of flesh!

PK 2 Camp!

2006-06-19T17:17:00.000+08:00

God is AWESOME!

What can I say? I so enjoyed myself - the kids, the worship (especially!) and the message!

There was one time during worship and Abba's love was just pouring down and behind me was a boy who had low IQ singing loudly and passionately, and in a world that could so easily rejected one such as he, at that moment, hearing his voice just worshipping God, just opened a floodgate within me. I felt the Lord loving him so so much and delighted in his off-key singing because the boy is His boy.

How wonderful is the Lord who is able to love the unlovables, see beyond the physical and embrace the beauty and purity within! What a privilege to be shown by the Lord - to be able to see the way that He sees! Unblemished, beautiful and a delight to His soul!

The children! What energy! I've learnt from the kids that leadership is not just being the loudest. It is about being steadfast and dependable. I've learnt to let go and not tell the kids what to do all the time - that they have to experience it for themselves to learn. Yet I make sure I am always around to ensure their safety - making sure they cross the road properly, that they don't get lost, trying to include everyone in the activities; yet loving enough to stand aside and allow them to make their own decisions, allowing them to make small mistakes; praying that I'll be wise enough to minister to them His shalom and love.

It's so enjoyable! I felt like a kid again!

And to be placed in a position where Abba speaks to me personally, "See how much I love them? They're gems to me," and then to be a conduit of that love. If only we knew how much we are loved!

I wanna go next year!

Softly now

2006-06-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

Listening to some worship songs on my way home.

Was in a Christian bookstore today, and they had a small section for merchandise. And the name Jesus in nice calligraphic writing.

So beautiful to look upon His name, that I couldn't help tracing His name with my finger.

Recalling that snippet of a memory while listening to the lines "Jesus, You alone are holy; You alone are worthy, Jesus, the name above all names.."

Then I started singing, Jesus.

Saying His name, Jesus.

Softly now, repeatedly, savouring the sound, the way my lips pronounce His name. Slowly whispering to myself.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

Yeshua, Yeshua, Yeshua.

My Lord and King.

What a lovely, beautiful name...

How it calms me.

Your name is on my lips
Your love I can't resist
got to be with You wherever You are
I want You memorised
so when I close my eyes
All I've got to do
is keep loving You
by heart

I want to keep on loving You Lord. Keep on being madly, passionately, contentedly, overwhelmingly in love with You. Romance me, pursue me, help me, save me, assure me, affirm me, comfort me, teach me, lead me, be my Saviour, my God, my King, my friend, my Lord!

So loved! I can't contain it!
So much I've got to give it away!
Your love has taught me to live now
You are more than enough for me! (lyrics deliberately changed :))

Jesus! You are my destiny!

I wanted to start this blog post softly in worship but it ended up in praise! LOL

To keep Your lovely face
Ever before my eyes
This is my prayer
Make it my one desire!

That in my secret heart
No other love competes
No rival throne survives
and I serve only You.

Fake it till you make it

2006-06-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

I realised for the past few months, I having being 'faking' it enough. I know lots of stuff in my head, feel it even in my heart but haven't been "working out my salvation". Yup, not imitating enough, not 'faking' it enough but being self-conscious.

Browsing old stuff in my computer and came across this article. It's not written by me but this guy called Pete. Reading through, it was a timely reminder! Enjoy!

So here is my solution: I will fake it, till I make it. I will pretend to be what I ought it be. I'll use my child-like faith, and imagine myself to be as my example Jesus. I'll play that I'm as He is. Devoted to the Father. Full of the Spirit. Full of compassion and love. Bold in asking. Expectant in receiving. Joyfull in life, and live with great confidence. Master of all situations, overcoming all obstacles. Able for any task, and power for helping all who come to me. Some one has said; "if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull". So this is my stand. And you know what? In this I'm closer to the truth of the freedom of the gospel of God. As Paul said; "be imitators of me, as I imitate Christ."

Is this folly? No, by faith. Calling forth those things which do not appear, as though they do. God is pleased. And Jesus is exalted. And the work that my Father has for me will be done. You see; "it's Christ in you, the hope of glory". And as I walkthe Holy Spirit will teach me and instruct me in the things I need to hear. And show me things I need to see. And give me wisdom and understanding of those things I need to know

My purpose in life

2006-06-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
To find a chance to thank You
I was made to love You
I was made to worship at Your feet
And to obey You, Lord
I was made for You

I was made to praise You
I was made to glorify Your name
In every circumstance
I'll find a chance to thank You
I will always love You
I will always worship at Your feet
And I'll obey You, Lord
I was made for You

Song by Chris Christensen.

Some people think that God is a hot shot who wants all the glory for Himself. When I was a non-believer I used to think, "Wah, Jesus so great meh? Don't believe go to hell? Threaten me huh?" LOL

Nothing can be further from the truth.

Why do we worship and give glory to Him? Because we are so 'touched' that He sent His son to die for us? Believe me, the intellectual that I was thought that that made excellent religious propoganda.

But it goes beyond touchy feely feelings. There is nothing like worship. Nothing like getting a touch from God. Yes, the cross is a demonstration of God's love, unto death - but there's something about pure truth that cuts beyond the knowing of a 'fact' within the mind but instead is capable of a silent explosion - a revelation within the heart.

There is no way one can mentally figure that out. Believe me, I tried. Unless one asks the Lord of course :)

But really, worshipping Him centers me. Something about coming before His presence, washes me and refreshes me. That vacuum inside is filled. If God is not real, no amount of religious propoganda is able to deceive the cynical human spirit for long.

Even the glory that we are 'able' to give is a reflected glory of His goodness and faithfulness in our lives. What honour for us, what grace He has crowned us with!

Nothing, nothing matters but Christ alone!

I'm not going

2006-06-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to let him go,
darling wait and see
but from now until then,
till I'll see you again,
I'll be loving you
Love Me

Abba, my eyes on you. I'll rest in You. I commit it to You. You are my God. You are for me. You have wiped them all away. I lie in Your embrace and reassurance. You love me.

Mortality

2006-05-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

Beauty, Jack, Hospital, Time, Life.

In the past two days, the above has been reminding me of mortality.

I've just been reminded that time is a precious commodity. A fact that youth does not seem to be aware of.

I am young and I was unawares, was in the dark but did not know. Like how ice melts is how time slips away and then evaporate into nothingness. Of perhaps memories to live in someone's heart and then perhaps forgotten or recalled with a tinge of nostalgia.

How transient it is. Yet how slowly it seems to creep by as we're living out moments. And how fast it seems to speed when we're living out in years. There's too much time to savour. At the same time, so intangible that it vanishes when one is not looking.

Are we actors passing through a play of life? Would we live a life of meaning? A spark that flashes briefly, violently in the dark and be forgotten by time as great men are wrought to do?

For what IS life? But life to Christ alone? Who cares? But Jesus alone? The Son of God who lived and died for me. He who is beyond time and eternality.

I once asked Jesus. When we are perfected in our new bodies, no sickness, sound mind, no fear and living life to the fullest in heaven, would not everyone be the same? I mean, sure, we'll be having a great time.

Call it vanity but giving glory to God would make sense only when there's comparison wouldn't it? What would be the fun of it in heaven then when we are all equal? But surely, all glory would go to the Lord when the world sees how unfairly good He is to me.

But Lord, I don't know how to live that kind of life. Even the life that you've died to give me. It seems like I just know how to write about it. I just blog about so many things but it's not deep enough. Not deep enough in the sense that I do not seem to be living it.

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Psalm 27:14

How do I "be of good courage" Abba when I back out of challenges? How will you "strengthen" my heart if I can't be of good courage in the first place? So Lord, what's left Lord?

Wait.

Wait on the Lord.

Yea, will I remember Psalm 18

For who is God, except the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places.
He teaches my hands to make war,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
Your right hand has held me up,
Your gentleness has made me great.
You enlarged my path under me,
So my feet did not slip.

Settling (BGR issue)

2006-05-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

This issue of settling was raised in a question of BGR and finding a 'nice person and then falling in love later and not waiting and waiting for the 'perfect' one.

Since 'tis my blog, I'm free to be frank here, thank God! I can't express myself tactfully and as honestly as possible in the other venue.

But by heaven, that's a cop-out!

Yup, it seems to suggest "since I have not seen it, I probably am not meant to have it so it does not exist. So I'll make do with what I get and hope for the best."

No, no, no. It is not waiting for the *perfect* man who is tall, dark and handsome, wealthy, ambitious, can sing, can dance, can cook and wait, can do hand-stands too! Nope. It is living with reality with biblical hope. Perfection is loving an imperfect someone passionately by the grace of God. It is possible only through Christ. That is the "perfect" man for me.

Perfection is when God and I agree - this is the one - despite the fact that he may pick his nose or fart. It is not romance for romance's sake. It is knowing and continuously discovering this wonderful creation, this born-again glorious spirit that my Father who loves me so much has given me for a life partner.

A "perfect" man is so not a knight on a white horse.

But yes, it's about waiting, not hunting.

It is about enjoying the Lord, enjoying the process till the fulfilment of His promise for me. And His faithfulness is NOT measured by the biological years I live out here on this earth.

It's NOT about getting a nice person and hoping to 'fall in love' later. (although that's possible by His grace. But not wise.)

It does mean to OPEN one's eyes wide whilst choosing. It's wisdom + chemistry.

But once I'm married, well, there's no second thoughts about whether he is really the one meant for me or is there a better one 'out there'. After marriage, the focus is not in changing the man or whatever. The focus is on me being the One for him.

Love is loving the person as he already is and not changing him. No one can ever change another. True transformation comes only through Christ. If God can't touch/change him, do you think I can? Of course not! It's deadly to marry a person hoping he can change.

But after marriage, it's different. It's does not mean that one should put up with an abusive husband - it's not about that. But marriage - well, marriage is awesome NOT because it's about being with someone and having companionship and love although that's great of course - marriage, ah.. how do I say this?

Marriage is the opportunity to understand how much we are loved by Jesus. Husbands are given the unique position to stand in Christ's shoes and understand how much He loves His bride.

Serving in the nursery, He has ministered to me a fresh understanding of the Father's love because I was placed in a position to mother the toddlers.

Relationships - be it inter-personal, government, work - are all earthly analogies that God has given to us. And our Father is so practical. It's not just reading the text alone but through our the daily routine walk of life, He ministers to us, teaching us, feeding us in the spirit.

(an aside: after I became a Christian, my heart became so soft and pliable. Like I would tear up at the smallest thing. Yet at the same time, I realised that I am not compassionate for compassion sake. In other words, I am not a 'nice' person. I am quite firm actually.)

Don't misunderstand me, I don't want to take marriage as a bible lesson! Far be it! But knowing what marriage means, I don't want to settle. Marry for the sake of marrying. Marry to fulfil needs that only Christ can fulfil.

There're many reasons that people date. They want companionship, they want sex (or what they think sex can bring them), they are lonely, they think they are getting old, people expect them to. You see, it's a "me, me, me" attitude.

Now love is giving isn't it?

Love is always about the other person.

I shared this in another post .here months back but I'll summarise.

There was one time I had a crush (it's over now). And I was 'agonising' over it and speaking to Daddy about it. What to do? Why do I feel this way? What does he feel? Is he seeing someone? Is he attracted to someone else? Then, what do I do?

And anyways, it was a wonderful period in which Abba taught me what love is.

"I think I love the person? Do I? Do I not? Is what I'm feeling real?"

Am I in love with love? 'Cos if I really loved the person, then all those questions didn't matter. Because at the end of the day, if I really loved the person then I'll be happy if he's happy. That's the only criteria. And if he really fell in love with someone else, well, I'll be happy for him. If not, then it tells me that I love my feelings more than I do him.

So, did I love my 'crushee'?

I can honestly say I did. But the love has since become a brotherly love. But surely it was the Lord that sanctified my feelings for him. God is love. All love (in it's different forms) is shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Spirit

2006-05-25T10:21:00.000+08:00

I got my paycheck a few days ago and it was much more than I expected! Business being slow lately (my own fault) I wasn't expecting much. In fact, I didn't budget for the Oasis camp that was coming up and had more or less decided not to go.

So I prayed to God as a matter of formality. Something which goes, "If you want me to go, You provide hor..." and imagined someone coming up to me to give me $450 like what actually happened to my friend.

Then this extra bonus paycheck! Well, praise God! So erm, should I go or should I use the extra money to pay my other bills and save it up? Is this the answer (about going to the camp) that I'm waiting for?

Now, I feel obligated to go. I'm sorry Dad. I don't feel like going. The last Oasis camp, though refreshing, well, there wasn't enough sermons going on. Man, I want to go deep into the Word and not go there to socialise. Which is what I think the Oasis ministry wants to promote - fellowship. Although Pastor had said time and again, it's not for anyone to 'catch fish' Anyway, I shouldn't NOT go just because of other people's wrong attitude.

Like Gideon (negative example), I've asked Abba for another sign to see whether it's from Him... although in my heart of hearts I feel He wants me to go even though I don't. So how? Ah.. I feel the love coming on! It's easy to be obedient when one knows one is love regardless of one's decision.

But this is not the main topic of my post...

When I started work, I had this other colleague who started in my company just 4 months before me. One could say that we're from the same 'generation'. It's easy for one just starting out to quote Matthew 6 - not worry what to eat or wear (I'm single so I have no obligations and responsibilities!).. these things that the gentiles seek but seek ye first the kingdom of God.. all these things that they seek will be added to you!

And it's easy to quote it happily but without depth! It's easy to quote it when one just started work and the future is rosy with idealistic dreams. It's different when one sees other peers prospering.

A week ago, I heard that my colleague, my shi1 ge1, bought himself a beemer (BMW)! We're the same batch and he bought himself a beemer! And I look about me and I asked myself, where did all my time go? When did my colleague, who lives in Jurong, took the MRT, now can drive a beemer and manage a team? What about me??!

It disturbed me.

Anyways, I put it out of my mind, until I received my paycheck with the extra bonus. In answer, I believe, to my prayer about going to camp. And as I was giving my Hallelujahs! I felt the Lord prompt me, with the infamous background of the incident of the beemer above and gently said, "O ye of little faith.."

I was SO contented with a LITTLE. I didn't expect or hope for more! Yes, I know that all blessings come from the Lord but Abba was reminding me, "Why are you satisfied with so little when I can give you so much?"

It dampened my Hallelujahs 'cos it's so true. I was satisfied in just having enough to have a good life, living for the NOW. I am very well paid for one who does not work much. But I have bills to pay, loans to repay and looking back at the last two years, felt that I was so short-sighted. Thought that being a good christian is just to be contented with what one has - I mean, that attitude is okay. But I never thought to REALLY ask God for a Peugot, an apartment, a REAL BIG holiday (not short trips) 'cos well, I'm "contented."

But contentment WITHOUT godliness is NOT great gain. It's mediocrity.

What is contentment WITH godliness?

To be honest, Pastor taught on this before but I forgot the message (anyone can tell me?) But I do believe it has something to do with righteousness-consciousness.

Yes, we do not chase after things but after the Lord.

But neither does God want me to take the leftover blessings. He wants the best for me! And surely that is NOT His best!

I'm still learning about this ministry of the marketplace.

Is there such a thing as a godly greed? Greed, not for things, not for chasing after things but WANTING more of the blessings of God. Being overwhelmed with gratefulness at His goodness on the one hand yet resting for MORE so that the cross of Christ would not be in vain.

How can a non-believer be more blessed than a child of God whose Dad owns the cattle on a thousand hills? Whose Dad made all the jewels, safire and gems of this world? Who created streets made (not paved) with solid gold?

"O ye of little faith..."

There's so much that I don't understand.

But there's an urgency there, to redeem the times. For the life that we live is a testimony that He lives. But what do the gentiles understand? It is not the spiritual blessings but the material blessings that appeal to them; the material blessings that speak of the testimony that He lives! So how can I be less blessed? How can I be satisfied with so little? I'm the one who's limiting God!

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen.

If I hope for little, my faith, being the substance of things hoped for will also be little. O, that the God of Israel should be so limited by my puny faith! What frustration!

Yes, we do not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the living God! Am I saying then that every word of God is transient? More insubstantial than tangible bread?

No! But it was the unseen that created the seen world! That every word of God, because it's living - should be more precious and substantial than gold or silver, more tangible than any tangibly sensory-perceived thing in this world!

Rest. But push in more! Don't be mediocre and contented with the little for it is pride! Did Christ go through His sufferings and died to just give me that? But no! He has unleashed the doors of heaven! And pourED out abundance! O Sally! Why are ye so slow to receive?!

Christian men: boyfriend material

2006-05-23T12:04:00.000+08:00

Another crazy LOL entry from uncle muthu here :D

My Boyfriend's back!

2006-05-23T02:02:00.000+08:00

Wonder what song I will sing at Jesus' second coming? :) Though of course, technically, it's not quite correct 'cos I'll be raptured first, then tribulation, THEN second coming (so I don't have to sing it)

But actually, we should be singing this song now. It 'started' at the moment of the resurrection 'cos He's no longer far away but with us.

Anyway, this song's just for laughs but I love the spirit of it! Hey, it reminds me not to take myself too seriously.. LOL I'll try to load the song as well.. You may have heard this song before. It was a big hit way back.

(Spoken:)
He went away
And you hung around and bothered me every night
And, when I wouldn't go out with you
You said things that weren't very nice

My boyfriend's back, and you're gonna be in trouble
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
When you see him comin', better cut on the double
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
You've been spreadin' lies that I was untrue
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
So look out now, 'cause he's comin' after you
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Hey, he knows that you've been tryin'
And he knows that you've been lyin'

He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
Now, he's back, and things will be fine
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
'Cause he's kind of big and he's awful strong
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Hey, he knows I wasn't cheatin'
Now, you're gonna get a beatin'
What made you think he'd believe all your lies?
You're a big man now, but he'll cut you down to size
Wait and see!

My boyfriend's back; he's gonna save my reputation
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)
If I were you, I'd take a permanent vacation
(Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Hey, I can see him comin'
Now, you better start a-runnin'

Wait and see!

My boyfriend's back; he's gonna save my reputation
La, hey la, my boyfriend's back
La, hey la, my boyfriend's back

Artist: Angels
Song: My Boyfriend's Back

Get me some soul

2006-05-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah...God can groove with the best of them. ;) That's what music is!

Love the song Amazing Grace! It's an incredibly moving song. And as such there has been many 'serious' renditions of it. I love the laid-back charm of this version. :)

Ode to joy!

2006-05-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh089.sht

This link gives an small idea of how the music sounds like. But let me tell you, it's more ALIVE! than that!

Hear it as the first movement of Beethoven's Symphony no. 9 and imagine chorus and chorus of angels and worshippers alike singing in the heavens....

Joyful, joyful, we adore thee!
God of glory, Lord of love!
Hearts unfold like flowers before thee,
opening to the sun above.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;
drive the dark of doubt away.
Giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day!

All thy works with joy surround thee,
earth and heaven reflect thy rays,
stars and angels sing around thee,
center of unbroken praise!

Field and forest, vale and mountain,
flowery meadow, flashing sea,
chanting bird and flowing fountain,
call us to rejoice in thee!

Thou art giving and forgiving,
ever blessing, ever blest!
Well-spring of the joy of living,
ocean depth of happy rest!

Thou our Father, Christ our brother,
all who live in love are thine!
Teach us how to love each other,
lift us to the joy divine!

Mortals, join the mighty chorus
which the morning stars began;
Love divine is reigning o'er us,
binding all within its span!

Ever singing, march we onward,
victors in the midst of strife!
Joyful music leads us sunward,
in the triumph song of life!

A touch

2006-05-20T12:08:00.000+08:00

So sad.. but sometimes, one must create a habit to talking to God.

Sometimes I use the blog to write to the Lord. Despite not feeling like it, especially in times when I'm down or feel that I have fallen short. These are the times when I MOST need to have that refreshing touch from Him.

At times, I'm unable to sit still. So typing certain things are therepeutic to me.

It's been some time since I've had secular conversations or discussed 'religious' topics from a secular perspective. Usually, I steer clear of that because I'm selfish. It's not edifying; it doesn't help me. I get no satisfaction.

But I feel that the Lord wants me to continue speaking to this particular brother although we don't seem to be making headway. And it's NOT about the arguments proposed really. Well, whatever you say Lord.

Keep my heart still. Bring me to rest beside the still meadows. That I may lie against Your bosom and enjoy Your love.

The need to feel beautiful

2006-05-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

Ah.. today I went to the well and it was REFRESHING!

I haven't been in church for one and a half weeks and it was not a happy time. In the sense that I was not satisfied in my soul. Truely, the washing of the Word, the hearing of faith - so important!

I've forgotten how it's like to feel beautiful 'cos I was so bogged down by my actions. I kept evaluating myself by my achievements and not focusing on my acceptance before the Lord.

And knowing that, I even became more 'concerned'. What a negative cycle!

Call it vanity. Basically, I didn't feel pretty. Well, it's more than just the physical you see. I needed to feel BEAUTIFUL. I kept wondering in my head whether I've lost that 'glow'.

Today, was like a washing of my soul. It wasn't earth-shaking emotional or anything like that. It was like, *sigh* so wonderful to be home Lord. Just forgetting everything else to enjoy You.

Recently, I've been diving into the Old Testament because I was in discussion with a brother. But I realised that I've been drawing and studying the Word to share with someone. But I have yet to feed myself! No, no, no... I must be satisfied first. I must be edified first. It's not about just sharing the Word. It's not my job to satisfy my intellect nor am I to indulge it.

But what is the Word? The Word is life! I am to EAT EAT EAT as in Makan it! To savour it! To inhale the aroma of Christ! To look upon His loveliness for myself! To admire the perfection of His work for myself! To spend time in the Word, not for discussion's sake, but to simply ENJOY my Yeshua!

Ahhh.. how I miss that!

Like a little child, Pastor reminded us tonight.

I remembered how eager I was, how delightful I am in His sight, how much He adored me, how beautiful and lovely I am to Him - like a little child coming to Daddy. Full trust, full assurance - KNOWING who He is! How quick I was to forget!

How He embraces me! Waits for me patiently! How much He has prepared for me to grow into Him. Laid out His spirit of wisdom within me - like a latent dynamo! What a mystery! Christ in me, the hope of glory!

I guess every question a little girl would ask; a lady would secretly wonder - am I beautiful enough? Is it enough?

Well, I just recall Lord. Looking at You, enjoying You, I am transformed. Not even by my determination to sit at Your feet Lord; but simply to be silent and see the cross. To talk to You as I would my best friend.

Have I neglected You lately Lord? Wasn't it a little rude of me? But You do know I have You in the back of my mind? You're just so THERE for me. I love You.... seemed like a long time since I said that. Shall I whisper it again? Does it warm Your heart? It sure does mine when You say it. :) So I'll say it again and again..

Ah.. Jesus.. Jesus.. the sweetest name of all!

Who is like a wise man?And who knows the interpretation of a thing? A man’s wisdom makes his face shine, And the sternness of his face is changed. (Ecclesiastes 8:1)

Splendour of Your name!

2006-05-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

Ooh.. I love this hymn! We sung this for worship today! It builds up and then the chorus just overflows with His majesty as we just sing in awe, wonder and love!

You have won the victor's crown
You have triumphed over sin and death
Your name is lifted high
And rings through all the earth

Every demon spirit of hell
Trembles when Your mighty name is heard
And we Your church
Enforce Your victory in the world

O the glory of Your name
The splendor of Your name
None can compare with the power of that name

You are Jesus!
You are Lord!
You are God!

Anyone has this MP3? Let me know! :)

Texts

2006-05-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

Lord, I'm involve in a debate(?) regarding the OT. You take over Abba. Kinda excited 'cos I never really did a study in the OT before. Looking forward to you revealing the treasures and fragrance of Jesus. :)

The OT is like an intricate maze. Quite different from the liberating wide green meadows of the NT. The NT is like a transformation, breaking free from shadowed shackles so to speak, tearing the veil with joyous abandon and stepping into the awesome light of the truth. Reading the OT makes me appreciate more of the wondrous light revealed in the NT. And allows me to see what it means to actually *see*. Praise God!

Comfort

2006-05-18T14:23:00.000+08:00

Lord, at times I don't feel like talking to You because I feel that I'm not worthy enough. And it seems to get harder the longer I'm a Christian.

I know all about righteousness-consciousness etc.. And I would think that being so well taught, I would know better. But I can't help the way I feel, I can't seem to control my actions.

Then I would feel that I'm just wasting Your sacrifice, Lord. Just throwing Your blessings away. And well, when the things I expect don't happen, I tell myself I deserved it because I can't even be faithful with a little.

And although I know that You love me regardless and I'm so glad about that, it doesn't help me in the here and now Abba. But it's because You love me regardless that I am here before You.

How many times have I come before You Lord? With the same old problem. Like someone said, 'You not paiseh, I also paiseh.' Abba, it's so frustrating. The way that I am now, I feel like I should give up like Moses and wander about in the desert. But that's not what You want right? That's not what I want either! The times are getting shorter.

So how? How?

You said that man do not live by bread alone but by Your every Word. Now, I feel like I'm using scripture to justify myself. Abba! Time is rushing by and although I'm physically still, my mind is mental!

Abba, I feel like I want to break out in outright rebellion! I want to scream, shout, yell! But it's too tiring. Perhaps it's what's happening inside me. Then I want to curl into You Lord and find my rest. Find the rest that You can give me from myself. To run away from myself and elope with You.

Yet day by day, I find it elusive; lacking the courage to step out! Launch into the deep! I find myself cringing, turning away, cowardly, delusional - and I hate those thoughts. They seep into my mind when I'm least aware. They come when I turn from Your light.

Pleasures forevermore. O, to be able to keep Your lovely face, forever, before my eyes. I love those times when no one else matters. I love those times when I can just come into Your presence. Why am I always not as conscious as those times Lord?

Lord, where is my wisdom? What is Your wisdom Lord? Shall I find intellectual pleasures in Your Word only? That tickles the mind but starves the spirit? Abba, I miss the food; I miss the feeding - it sometimes seem I can't get close enough and I'm angry with myself for not being satisfied. Frustrated in not doing enough and giving up; disappointed with the fear that stops me from even trying.

Lord, why do You bother to be faithful to me? To stay beside me and be my strength? Aren't you tired of always helping me up when I fall? Furthermore, the same mistake. Why do You not leave? Why do You stay instead and suffer my whinings, my weakness, my failures? Why do You always make me cry in gratitude?

Father, what shall I say? Where do I turn to? Not to the scriptures, not to people, only to You Lord. In You I find my rest; in You I find my strength; in You I find approval and acceptance. Abba, keep my eyes on You. Into Your hands, I commit my spirit, all that I am to You. You love me more than I love myself, more than anyone can or is able to love me. Keep me Lord, from myself. Live in me Lord Jesus. Come!

Lord, no one can take the cross from my heart 'cos You are the One who placed it there. You are the One who holds me close. You are the One who holds me, period. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. Your rod and staff, they comfort me.

Video

2006-05-18T13:46:00.000+08:00

This is one of my favourite worship songs.

I heard the audio recording of this version before and couldn't relate to it because it is sung in a different style than what I'm used to. Got this video off a sister's blog. And I realised that I'm more touched watching than listening to this version of the song. Watching and meditating on the lyrics brings me back to the heart of the Lord...

Can't take my eyes off you

2006-05-17T19:10:00.000+08:00

Kinda like this song. It starts off smoky and darkly dreamy. But I like the liberation of the chorus.

Can't Take My Eyes Off You Lyrics
by Frankie Valli

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..

short comment

2006-05-12T11:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get defensive.

Like today, which happens to be Vesak Day. And on the front page of life, they were running an article about more young intellectuals turning to buddhism because they were encouraged to question. In front was the huge caption "No blind faith."

Immediately, counter-arguments ran in my mind. I had felt that all the advantages that they pointed out was an indictment against Christianity.

Perturbed.

Almost right after that, I asked myself, "They didn't say anything about Christianity. You're reading into things." Hmm.. and I realised how negatively geared I was (i.e. defensive)

Silence.

I was still this thing about the "blind faith" label.

Then the Lord spoke to me on the inside. I knew it was Him as opposed to my thoughts above, because when He speaks He's very calm one. (So cool... but anyways...)

He asked, "Is Christianity blind faith?"

I said, "No, not at all."

"Then why do you care what others think?"

Selah. My heart settled.

Mood today? (12 May 2006)

2006-05-12T03:45:00.000+08:00

It's early early on Fri morning! 3.44 am! Dare I say, an ungodly hour! tsk tsk

And the reason is 'cos I've been having a nightlife! Just for today!

Made me realised how blessed I am! Went to Pauliner's to chill. But erm, couldn't really chill. Walked through Balaclava - and at first I wondered how anyone can enjoy oneself being in such a crowded loud place, then realised, lost sheep. Felt sad and a little sorry for them. The nicest part of the evening was when we sat the hotel lobby cafe of Westin Stamford, and just drank coffee and talked late into the morning.

Returning, albeit briefly to the things of the world, just reminded me to be thankful of His presence.

And to be refreshed again. How He enables my heart to rest. Truely, He leads me beside the still waters...

Mood today? Feeling like a caffeinated teenager, giddy in love! :)

Top Of The World by The Carpenters

Such a feelin's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It's because You are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since You've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for You and me
All I need will be mine if You are here

Live

2006-05-12T03:20:00.000+08:00

The Steven Curtis Chapman concert yesterday was totally awesome!

Even though Sandie and I were sitting quite far back, it simply didn't matter when God is in the House. It rocked man! And it was so lovely listening to the inspirations behind the songs. It was moving... like moving back to the heart of worship. When it's all about You. It's all about You, Jesus.

Oh, how blessed we are above all peoples!

To live is Christ, to die is gain

After the concert, I wanted to write a post called "my heart"

Then I realised, there's a song that expressed exactly how I feel.

I give You my heart (Hillsong)

This is my desire
To honour You
Lord, with all my heart
I worship You
All I have within me
I give You praise
All that I adore
Is in You

Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me

Writing!

2006-05-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. new hobbies.. I've got a long list of things I want to do. This is one of them. Always loved writing and after years of drought, and a year's of blogging, I thought I should start on a story proper.

I'm writing for an RPG for www.chfladiesrpg.blogspot.com. That is a collaborative effort. I find it hard to concentrate on that as a writer. It works along the lines of a story circle so one doesn't have much control over the character. This is because the character's history or future that one already has in mind are subject to change. Currently, there are 3 of us (Mok, Centuar and myself) writing the stories. I signed off using my christian name Elisha.

There's another main baby project that I've recently birthed for myself. I've started another blog called www.visiblefacets.blogspot.com for a story. Initially, I wanted to start another accompanying blog to write down my ideas for that story. If you would see from my profile, I've already have 5 blogs and that would make it 6. I feel it's way too many and I'll be spreading my resources too thinly. Instead, I've decided to put my thoughts here on my main blog.

To differentiate it from my diary entries, I have decided to put the title in italics whenever it pertains to my writing.

I have only a rough idea of the story. If you read my blog entries here, you will be able to discern the direction of the plot. If you want to keep the suspence, please don't read the entries here. :)

The story is contemporary and centers around a group of friends and their families. It's like Seinfield but more dramatic and without that much comedy. It does not read like a 'proper' novel. Instead of the reader being taken on a journey of events, this story is meant to be more introspective. It's a journey exploring the terrain of the human psyche.

What I'm trying to do in the writing, as far as possible, is not to say what the characters are feeling or thinking and invite the readers to draw the conclusions themselves. Or if I do say, it's meant to surface thoughts. Sometimes, you will find that the characters themselves do not know what they want or how they feel.

Writing is a rather personal thing - especially when it centers on character development. It's walking a fine line between exploring and fleshing out the richness of a particular personality and indulgence. Self-indulgent writing is rather tedious. But this is my first serious attempt after many years (and my previous attempts were nauseously fluffy) so be forgiving...

But as I was saying, writing is personal. Writing is like putting a piece of soul into your creation. The characters in this story (the working title is "Facets") are meant to be fictional. It's not semi-autobiographical (so don't go around guessing :D). However, certain scenes did happen. I guess that's not uncommon when writing. One draws out from one's imagination and season it with life experience forn an authentic flavour.

However, I am aware that too much introspection is tiring and gets stale after a while. While this story is not autobiographical, I have gone through some of the emotions that the characters are going through. It is almost like opening a door to the past for me because I am drawing more from memories a few years old rather than the present.

I believe the emotions still resonate with a lot of people. For me, it make me realise that Christ indeed is my all in all. For the writing to be meaningful to me, I cannot always look towards myself - I'll get bored. But what I have done, is to have pictures of Christ and aspects of the gospel hidden within "Facets". Sometimes, people don't realise how real Christ is, even or especially in the mundane, routine, everyday things of life.

Well, "Facets" is a personal journey. It is not meant to be angsty or dramatic - I'll see where the characters take us. It's whether there is life in ordinary blandness.

Thank You

2006-05-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

Thank you for Your mercy
Thank you for Your grace
Thank you for Your blood
that has made a way

To come into Your presence
and glorify Your name
Lord I stand amazed at what I see

Great is Your mercy towards me
Your lovingkindness towards me
Your tender mercies I see
day after day

Forever faithful to me
Always providing for me
Great is Your mercy towards me
Great is Your grace

I'm not sure who wrote this song, but it gives me lovely goosebumps :) Just sing it to Jesus - don't care about the rest of the people in the auditorium. For this song Lord, it's just You and me...

Lost and found

2006-05-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we don't know how much something really means till we lost it.

About 2 days ago, I lost my wedding ring. I used to take it off quite casually and often at times when I don't want to 'feel' married.

But when I lost it, I've felt like I've lost a precious symbol - though it's only a symbol that forms part of my identity, it was very tangible to me. It doesn't change my relationship but losing a tangible reminder made me realise how much I actually appreciated Him.

Sometimes, I'm so much in my comfort zone; being so secure in His love that I take it for granted. But when I lost my ring - what I was sad about had nothing to do with the ring and everything to do with what it symbolises.

I've found it since and it's like returning to my first love, refreshed. :)

The Rose and the Lily (intro)

2006-05-05T14:02:00.000+08:00

I came across this article written by Charles Spurgeon - written with much exuberance and love. It's titled "The Best of the Best", but after reading it, I have personally titled it, "The Rose and the Lily" It's quite long (if you have the patience! :D) but I've put it into 4 parts for your reading pleasure. I have highlighted the phrases and sentences that particularly speaks to me.

Also, I love the writing style. People nowadays don't write like this any more - with a leisurely broad generous style! :)

So here it is, enjoy!

The Best of the Best

May 19th, 1881
by C. H. SPURGEON
(1834-1892)

"I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys."—Song of Solomon 2:1.

The time of flowers has come, and as they are in some faint degree emblems of our Lord, it is well, when God thus calls, that we should seek to learn what he desires to teach us by them. If nature now spreads out her roses and her lilies, or prepares to do so, let us try, not only to see them, but to see Christ as he is shadowed forth in them.

"I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys." If these are the words of the Well-beloved,—and I have no doubt that they are,—then it may be suggested by some that here we have the Savior praising himself; and it is true; but in no unworthy sense, for well may he praise himself since no one else can do it as it should be done. There is no human language that can ever set forth his beauties as they deserve to be told. As good John Berridge says,—

"Living tongues are dumb at best,
We must die to speak of Christ"

as he should be spoken of. He will never fully be described unless he shall describe himself. For certain, we should never have known God if he had not revealed himself; and every good thing that you or I know of him, he himself has told us. We make no discoveries of God except as God discovers himself to us. If, then, any cavillers were to find fault with the Christ of God because he did commend himself, I would answer, Does not God commend himself, and must not his well-beloved Son do the same? Who else is there that can possibly reveal him to us unless he unveils his own face to our admiring gaze?

Moreover, be it always remembered that human self-praise is evil because of the motive which underlies it. We praise ourselves,—and, alas! that we should be so foolish as to do so,—we do it out of pride; but when Christ praises himself, he does it out of humility. "Oh!" say you, "how can you prove that to be true?" Why, thus; he praises himself that he may win our love; but what condescension it is on his part that he should care about the love of such insignificant and undeserving persons as we are! It is a wonderful stoop that the Christ of God should speak about having a bride, and that he should come to seek his bride among the sons of men. If princes were to look for consorts among beggars, that would be after all but a small stoop, for God hath made of one blood all nations of men that dwell upon the face of the earth; but for Christ to forsake the thrones and glories of heaven, and the splendours of his Father's courts above, to come down to win a well-beloved one here, and for her sake to take upon himself her nature, and in her nature to bear the shame of death, even the death of the cross, this is stupendous condescension of which only God himself is capable; and this praising of himself is a part of that condescension, a necessary means of winning the love of the heart that he has chosen. So that this is a matchless instance, not of pride, but of humility, that those dear lips of the heavenly Bridegroom should have to speak to his own commendation, and that he should say, "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys." O human lips, why are ye silent, so that Christ must speak about himself? O human hearts, why are ye so hard that ye will never feel until Christ himself shall address you? O human eyes, why are ye so blind that ye shall never see till Christ shows himself in his own superlative light and loveliness? I think I need not defend my Master, though he used these sweet emblems to set forth himself; for this is an instance, not of his pride, but of his humility.

It is also an instance of the Master's wisdom, for as it is his design to win hearts to himself, he uses the best means of winning them. How are hearts won? Very often, by the exhibition of beauty. Love at first sight has been begotten by the vision of a lovely countenance. Men and women, too, are struck with affection through the eye when they perceive some beauty which charms and pleases them; so, the Savior lifts the corner of the veil that conceals his glories, and lets us see some glimpse of his beauty, in order that he may win our hearts. There are some who seem to think that they can bully men to Christ; but that is a great mistake. It is very seldom that sinners can be driven to the Savior; his way is to draw them. He himself said, "I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me. This he said, signifying what death he should die." And the drawings of Christ are not, as it were, with a cart rope, but with silken bonds, ay, with invisible chains, for his beauty is of such a character that it creates love, his beauty is so attractive that it draws the heart. So, in infinite wisdom, our Lord Jesus Christ sets forth his own beauties that thereby he may win our hearts. I do believe that there is no preaching like the exaltation of Christ crucified. There is nothing so likely to win the sons of men as a sight of him; and if God the Holy Ghost will but help all his ministers, and help all his people, to set forth the beauties of Christ, I shall not doubt that the same Spirit will incline men's hearts to love him and to trust him. Note, then, the condescension and also the wisdom which are perceptible in this self-commendation on the part of Christ: "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys."

I think that our Lord also speaks thus as an encouragement to timid souls; his tender familiarity in praising himself to us is one of the most effectual proofs of his lowliness. Does Christ commend himself to us? Does he say to us, for instance, "I am meek and lowly in heart"? What is his object in speaking thus but that we may take his yoke upon us, and may learn of him, and that we may find rest unto our souls? And if he says, "I am the rose of Sharon," what does he mean but that we may pluck him, and take him for our own? If he says, "I am the lily of the valleys," why does he take the trouble to tell us that but because he wants us to take him, and to have him for our very own? I think that it is so sweet of Christ to praise himself in order to show that he longs for us to come to him. He declares himself to be a fountain of living water; yet why is he a fountain but that we may come unto him, and drink? He tells us, "I am the bread which came down from heaven;" but why does he speak of himself as bread, whereof if a man eat, he shall never hunger? Why, because he wants us to partake of him! You need not, therefore, be afraid that he will refuse you when you come to him. If a man praises his wares, it is that he may sell them. If a doctor advertises his cures, it is that other sick folk may be induced to try his medicine; and when our Lord Jesus Christ praises himself, it is a kind of holy advertisement by which he would tempt us to "come, buy wine and milk without money and without price." If he praises himself, it is that we may fall in love with him; and we need not be afraid to come and lay our poor hearts at his feet, and ask him to accept us, for he would not have wooed us by unveiling his beauties if he had meant, after all, to trample on our hearts, and say, "I care nothing for such poor love as yours."

I feel most grateful, then, that I have not at this time so much to praise my Master as to let him speak his own praises, for "never man spake like this Man." When he commends himself, what would have been folly in others is wisdom in him; and whereas we say to our fellow-man, "Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth," I would say to Christ, "My Master, praise thyself, for thou alone canst do it as it ought to be done." As for thy poor servant, he would try to be the echo of thy voice, and that will be infinitely better than anything he can say of himself.

I think, also, that there is good reason for our Lord to praise himself in the fashion that he does in our text, because, after all, it is not praise. "What!" say you, "and yet you have been talking all this while as if it was praise." Well, so it is in one sense, to us, but it is not so to Christ. Suppose the sun were to compare itself with a glow-worm, would that be praise? Suppose an angel were to compare himself with an emmet, would that be praise? And when my Lord and Master, whose eyes outshine the sun, and who is infinitely higher than the mightiest of the angels, compares himself to a rose and a lily, is that praise? Well, it is so to you and to me, but it certainly cannot be so to him. It is a marvellous stoop for Christ, who is "God over all, blessed for ever," and the Light of the universe, to say, "I am a rose; I am a lily." O my blessed Lord, this is a sort of incarnation, as when the Eternal God did take upon himself an infant's form! So here, the Everlasting God says, "I am"—and what comes next?—"a rose and a lily." It is an amazing stoop, I know not how to set it forth to you by human language; it is a sort of verbal rehearsal of what he did afterwards when, though he counted it not robbery to be equal with God, "he took upon himself the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of sinful flesh, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." "I am God, yet," saith he, "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys."

What does our text mean? I think it means that our Lord Jesus Christ is exceedingly delightful, so, let us speak, first, of the exceeding delightfulness of our Lord; and then, inasmuch as he uses two emblems, first the rose, and then the lily, surely this is to express the sweet variety of his delightfulness; and, inasmuch as he speaks of himself as the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys, I shall have to show you, in the last place, that this hints to us the exceeding freeness of his delightfulness.

The Rose and the Lily (Part 1)

2006-05-05T13:23:00.000+08:00

I. First, then, the text sets forth THE EXCEEDING DELIGHTFULNESS OF OUR LORD.

He compares himself here, not as in other places to needful bread and refreshing water, but to lovely flowers, to roses and lilies. What is the use of roses and lilies? I know what the use of corn is; I must eat it, it is necessary to me for food. I know why barley and rye and all sorts of roots and fruits are created; they are the necessary food of man or beast. But what do we want with roses? What do we want with lilies? They are of no use at all except for joy and delight. With their sweet form, their charming color, and their delicious fragrance, we are comforted and pleased and delighted; but they are not necessaries of life. A man can live without roses; there are millions of people, I have no doubt, who live without possessing lilies of the valley. There are all too few roses and lilies in this smoky Babylon of ours; but, when we do get them, what are their uses? Why, they are things of beauty, if not "a joy for ever." Jesus is all that and more; he is far more than "a thing of beauty," and to all who trust him he will be "a joy for ever." To you who are Christ's people, he is your bread, for you feed on him, and he makes you live; you could not do without him as the sustenance of your soul. He is the living water, and your soul would pine and perish of a burning thirst if you did not drink of him. But that is not all that Jesus is to you; God has never intended to save his people on the scale of the workhouse, to give you just as much as you absolutely need, and nothing more. No, no, no; he means you to have joy as well as to have life, to look upon beauty as well as to be in safety, and to have not only a healthy atmosphere, but an atmosphere that is laden with the odour of sweet flowers. You are to find in Christ roses and lilies, as well as bread and water; you have not yet seen all his beauties, and you do not yet know all his excellence.

The exceeding delightfulness of Christ is suggested to our mind by his declaration, "I am the rose, and I am the lily." And first, he is in himself the delight of men. He speaks not of offices, gifts, works, possessions; but of himself: "I am." Our Lord Jesus is the best of all beings; the dearest, sweetest, fairest, and most charming of all beings that we can think of is the Son of God, our Savior. Come hither, ye poets who dream of beauty, and then try to sing its praises; but your imagination could never reach up to the matchless perfection of his person, neither could your sweetest music ever attain to the full measure of his praise. Think of him as the God-man, God incarnate in human nature, and absolutely perfect; I was going to say something more than that, for there is not only in him all that there ought to be, but there is more than your thoughts or wishes have ever compassed. Eyes need to be trained to see beauty. No man seeth half or a thousandth part of the beauty even of this poor, natural world; but the painter's eye—the eye of Turner, for instance,—can see much more than you or I ever saw. "Oh!" said one, when he looked on one of Turner's landscapes, "I have seen that view every day, but I never saw as much as that in it." "No," replied Turner, "don't you wish you could?" And, when the Spirit of God trains and tutors the eye, it sees in Christ what it never saw before. But, even then, as Turner's eye was not able to see all the mystery of God's beauty in nature, so neither is she most trained and educated Christian able to perceive all the matchless beauty that there is in Christ.

I do not think, brethren, that there is anything about Christ but what should make his people glad. There are dark truths concerning him, such as his bearing our sin; but what a joy it is to us that he did bear it, and put it away for ever! It makes us weep to look at Jesus dying on the cross, but there is more real joy in the tears of repentance than there is in the smiles of worldly mirth. I would choose my heaven to be a heaven of everlasting weeping for sin, sooner than have a heaven—if such a heaven could be,—consisting of perpetual laughing at the mirth of fools. There is more true pleasure in mourning before God than in dancing before the devil. Christ is, then, all beauty; even the dark parts in him are light, and the bitter parts are sweet. He has only to be seen by you, and you must perceive that, whether it be his Godhead or his manhood, whether it be his priesthood, his royalty, or his prophetic office, whether it be on the cross or on the throne, whether it be on earth, or in heaven, or in the glory of his second coming, every way,—

"All over glorious is my Lord,
Must be beloved, and yet ador'd;
His worth if all the nations knew
Sure the whole earth would love him too."

But, next, our Lord is exceedingly delightful to the eye of faith. He not only tells us of what delight is in himself,—"I am the rose, and I am the lily,"—but he thereby tells us that there is something to see in him, for the rose is very pleasing to look upon. Is there a more beautiful sight than a rose that is in bud, or even one that is fullblown? And the lily—what a charming thing it is! It seems to be more a flower of heaven than of earth. Well now, Christ is delightful to the eye of faith. I remember the first time I ever saw him; I shall never forget that sight, and I have seen him many a time since, and my grief is that I ever take off my eyes from him, for it is to look away from the sun into blackness; it is to look away from bliss into misery. To you who look at Christ by faith, a sight of him brings such peace, such rest, such hope, as no other sight can ever afford; it so sweetens everything, so entirely takes away the bitterness of life, and brings us to anticipate the glory of the life that is to come, that I am sure you say, "Yes, yes; the figure in the text is quite correct; there is a beauty in Jesus to the eye of faith, he is indeed red as the rose and white as the lily."

And, next, the Lord Jesus Christ is delightful in the savor which comes from him to us. In him is a delicious, varied, abiding fragrance which is very delightful to the spiritual nostril. Smell is, I suppose, a kind of delicate feeling; minute particles of certain substances touch sensitive membranes, and we call the sensation that is produced smelling. It is a mysterious sense; you can understand sight and hearing better than you can understand smelling. There is a spiritual way of perceiving the savor of Christ; I cannot explain it to you, but there is an ineffable mysterious sweetness that proceeds from him which touches the spiritual senses, and affords supreme delight; and as the body has its nose, and its tender nerves that can appreciate sweet odours, so the soul has its spiritual nostril by which, though Christ be at a distance, it yet can perceive the fragrant emanations that come from him, and is delighted therewith.

What is there that comes from Christ, from day to day, but his truth, his Spirit, his influence, his promises, his doctrines, his words of cheer? All these have a heavenly sweetness, and make us, with the psalmist, say to our Lord, "All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad." Whenever these sweet odours are wafted down to us, they make us also glad; anything that has the savor of Christ in it is sweet to a Christian. If Christ has touched it, let me put it in my bosom, and keep it there as a sweet forget-me-not, until I see his face in glory. Ay, the very stones he sat on, I was about to say, the very mountains at which he looked, have become dear to us. We have no idolatrous or superstitious reverence for Palestine, or even for the garden in which he sweat great drops of blood; but for spiritual things with which he has to do, we have a never-ceasing reverence and affection. Everything that comes from him is wondrous as the songs of the angels must have been to the shepherds of Bethlehem, and sweet to the taste as the manna that dropped from the skies around Israel's desert camp. Yes, brethren and sisters, there is a sweet savor about the Lord Jesus Christ; do you all perceive it?

Once more, in all that he is, Christ is the choicest of the choice. You notice, the Bridegroom says, "I am the rose." Yes, but there were some particularly beautiful roses that grew in the valley of Sharon; "I am that rose," said he. And there were some delightful lilies in Palestine; it is a land of lilies, there are so many of them that nobody knows which lily Christ meant, and it does not at all signify, for almost all lilies are wondrously beautiful. "But," said he, "I am the lily of the valleys," the choicest kind of lily that grew where the soil was fat and damp with the overflow of mountain streams. "I am the lily of the valleys:" that is to say, Christ is not only good, but he is the best; and he is not only the best, but he is the best of the best. He is a flower; ay, but he is a rose, that is the queen of flowers; ay, but then he is the best rose there is, he is the rose of Sharon. He is a Savior, and a great one; yea, the only Savior. He is a Husband; but what a Husband! Was there ever such a Bridegroom as Christ Jesus the Lord? He is the Head; but father Adam was a poor head compared with him. He is inexpressibly, unutterably, indescribably lovely; I might as well leave off talking about him, for I cannot hope to set him forth as he deserves. If you could but see him, I would leave off, for I am sure I should be only hanging a veil before him with the choicest words that I could possibly use. Suppose you had a dear son, or husband, or friend, far away, and that I was a painter who could carry pictures in my mind's eye, and then draw them to the very life. If I stood here, trying to paint your well-beloved friend, laying on my colors with all the skill I possessed, and doing my best to reproduce his features; suppose, while I was at work, that the door at the back was opened, and he came in, I should cry out, "Oh, stop, stop, stop! Let me put away my canvas, let me pack up my brushes and my paints. Here is the loved one himself; look at him! Look at him, not at my portrait of him!" And you would rise from your seat, and say, "It is he! It is he! You may talk as long as you like, dear sir, when he is away; but when he is himself here, your talk seems but mere chatter." Well, I shall be quite content that you should think so, I shall be even glad if you do, provided that the reason shall be that you can say, "We have seen the Lord. He has manifested himself to us as he does not unto the world." "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys." The best of the best, the fairest of the fair, the sweetest of the sweet, is Jesus Christ to you and to me if we are indeed his people. I cannot say more about the exceeding delightfulness of my Lord; I wish I could.

The Rose and the Lily (Part 2)

2006-05-05T13:17:00.000+08:00

II. I must pass on, next, to notice THE SWEET VARIETY OF CHRIST'S DELIGHTFULNESS.

He is not only full of joy, and pleasure, and delight to our hearts, but he is full of all sorts of joy, and all sorts of pleasure, and all sorts of delights to us.

"Nature, to make his beauties known,
Must mingle colors not her own."

The rose is not enough, you must have the lily also, and the two together fall far short of the glories of Christ, the true "Plant of renown."

"I am the rose." That is the emblem of majesty. The rose is the very queen of flowers; in the judgment of all who know what to admire it is enthroned above all the rest of the beauties of the garden. But the lily—what is that? That is the emblem of love. The psalmist hints at this in the title of the forty-fifth Psalm. "Upon Shoshannim, a Song of love." Shoshannim signifies lilies, so the lily-psalm is the love-song, for the lilies, with their beauty, their purity, their delicacy, are a very choice emblem of love. Are you not delighted when you put these two things together, majesty and love? A King upon a throne of love, a Prince, whose very eyes beam with love to those who put their trust in him, a real Head, united by living bonds of love to all his members;—such is our dear Lord and Savior. A rose and yet a lily; I do not know in which of the two I take the greater delight, I prefer to have the two together. When I think that my Savior is King of kings and Lord of lords, I shout, "Hallelujah!" But when I remember that he loved me, and gave himself for me, and that still he loves me, and that he will keep on loving me for ever and ever, there is such a charm in this thought that nothing can excel it. Look at the lily, and sing,—

"Jesu, lover of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll,
While the tempest still is high!
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
Till the storm of life be past;
Safe into the haven guide;
Oh receive my soul at last."

Then look at the rose, and sing,—

"All hail the power of Jesus' name!
Let angels prostrate fall;
Bring forth the royal diadem,
And crown him Lord of all;"

then put the rose and the lily together, and let them remind you of Christ's majesty and love. The combination of these sweet flowers also suggests our Lord's suffering and purity.

"White is his soul, from blemish free,
Red with the blood he shed for me."

The rose, with its thorn, reminds us of his suffering, his bleeding love to us, his death on our behalf, his bearing of the thorns which our sin created. Christ is a royal rose beset with thorns; but the lily shows that—

"For sins not his own
He died to atone."

Jesus, when on earth, could say, "The prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me." The devil himself could not see a spot or speck in that lovely lily. Jesus Christ is perfection itself, he is all purity; so you must put the two together, the rose and the lily, to show Christ's suffering and perfection, the infinitely pure infinitely suffering. In which of the two do you take the greater delight? Surely, in neither, but in the combination of both; what would be the value of Christ's sufferings if he were not perfect? And of what avail would his perfections be if he had not died, the Just for the unjust, to bring us to God? But the two together, the rose and the lily, suffering and purity, fill us with delight.

Of both of these there is a great variety. I wonder how many different sorts of roses there are, I should not like to have to tell you; they vary exceedingly, perhaps there are as many kinds as there are days in the year. How many varieties of lilies are there? Possibly, there are as many sorts of lilies as there are of roses, for both of them are wonderfully diversified; but the joys that flow from our Lord Jesus Christ are as abundant and as varied as the roses and the lilies. Bring me which rose you please, and I will tell you that it smells sweet; bring which lily you choose, and I will say, "Yes, that also has a delicate perfume; that will do, with the rose, to serve as an emblem of Christ." Our Lord Jesus possesses every kind of beauty and fragrance. "He is all my salvation, and all my desire." All good things meet in Christ; in him all the lines of beauty are focussed. Blessed are they who truly know him.

Further, Christ is the very essence of the sweetness both of the rose and of the lily. When he says, "I am the rose," he means, not only that he is like the rose, but that he made all the sweetness there is in the rose, and it is still in him; and all the sweetness there is in any creature comes to us from Christ, or else it is not sweetness such as we ought to love. I like to look upon the bread I eat as his gift to me, and to bless his providential hand that bestows it. I like to look upon all the landscape on such a fair day as this has been, and to say, "Christ is in all this, giving this charming view to such a poor, unworthy creature as I am." He is in all there is that is good, he is the goodness of all the good there is. He is the very soul of the universe, whatever there is in the universe that is worthy of our soul's love. All good for our soul comes from him, whether it be pardon of sin, or justification, or the sanctification that makes us fit for glory hereafter, Christ is the source of it all; and in the infinite variety of delights that we get from him, he is himself the essence of it all. We can become tired of most things, I suppose that we can become tired of everything earthly; but we shall never tire of Christ. I remember one who, when near his death-hour, forgot even his wife, and she was greatly grieved that he did not recognize her. They whispered in his ear the name of his favourite child; but he shook his head. His oldest friend, who had known him from his boyhood, was not recognized. At last they asked him, "Do you know Jesus Christ?" Then he said, "Ah, yes! and I am going to him." The ruling passion was strong in death; Christ was nearer and dearer to him than those he loved best here. All Bowers will fade, even roses and lilies among them; but not this blessed Rose of Sharon, and Lily of the valleys. Christ does not say, "I was a rose, and I was a lily;" but "I am the rose, and I am the lily." He is now all that he ever was, and he will be in life, in death, and throughout all eternity, to the soul that knows him, an infinite variety of everything that is delightful.

The Rose and the Lily (Part 3)

2006-05-05T13:07:00.000+08:00

III. I must now very briefly take up the last head of my discourse, which is, THE EXCEEDING FREENESS OF OUR LORD'S DELIGHTFULNESS.

It is not very pleasant or satisfying for hungry people to stand in the street, and hear someone praising a good meal, of which they cannot get even a taste. I have often noticed boys standing outside a shop window, in which there have been all sorts of dainties; they have flattened their noses against the window-pane, but they have not been able to get anything to eat.

I have been talking about my Master, and I want to show you that he is accessible, he is meant to be plucked and enjoyed as roses and lilies are. He says in the text, "I am the rose of Sharon." What was Sharon? It was an open plain where anybody might wander, and where even cattle roamed at their own sweet will. Jesus is not like a rose in Solomon's garden, shut up within high walls, with broken glass all along the top. Oh, no! he says, "I am the rose of Sharon," everybody's rose, the flower for the common people to come and gather. "I am the lily." What lily? The lily of the palace of Shushan, enclosed and guarded from all approach? No; but, "I am the lily of the valleys," found in this glen, or the other ravine, growing here, there, and everywhere: "I am the lily of the valleys."

Then Christ is as abundant as a common flower. Whatever kind of rose it was, it was a common rose; whatever kind of lily it was, it was a well-known lily that grew freely in the valleys of that land. Oh, blessed be my Master's name, he has brought us a common salvation, and he is the common people's Christ! Men in general do not love him enough, or else they would have hedged him in with all sorts of restrictions; they would have made a franchise for him, and nobody would have been able to be saved except those who paid I know not how much a year in taxes. But they do not love our Lord enough to shut him in, and I am glad they have never tried to do so. There he stands, at the four-cross roads, so that everybody who comes by, and wants him, may have him. He is a fountain, bearing this inscription, "Let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely." "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys." Why do roses grow in Sharon? Why do lilies grow in the valleys? Why, to be plucked, of course! I like to see the children go down into the meadow when it is decked in grass, and adorned with flowers, gilded with buttercups, or white with the day's-eyes; I love to see the children pluck the flowers, and fill their pinafores with them, or make garlands, and twist them round their necks, or put them on their heads. "O children, children!" somebody might cry, "do not spoil those beautiful flowers, do not go and pick them." Oh, but they may! nobody says they may not; they may not go into our gardens, and steal the geraniums and the fuchsias; but they may get away into the meadows, or into the open fields, and pluck these common flowers to their heart's content. And now, poor soul, if you would like an apronful of roses, come and have them. If you would like to carry away a big handful of the lilies of the valleys, come and take them, as many as you will. May the Lord give you the will! That is, after all, what is wanted; if there be that grace-given will, the Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the valleys will soon be yours. They are common flowers, growing in a common place, and there are plenty of them; will you not take them?

Even to those who do not pluck any, there is one strange thing that must not be forgotten. A man passes by a rose-bush, and says, "I cannot stop to think about roses," but as he goes along he exclaims, "Dear, dear, what a delicious perfume!" A man journeying in the East goes through a field that is full of lilies; he is in a great hurry, but, for all that, he cannot help seeing and smelling the lilies as he rushes through the field. And, do you know, the perfume of Christ has life in it? He is "a savor of life unto life." What does that mean but that the smell of him will save? Ah! if you do but glance at him, though you were so busy that you could not come in till the sermon had begun, yet a glance at this Lily will bring you joy and peace, for he is so free that, often, even when men are not asking for him, he comes to them. "What?" say you, "is it so?" Yes, that it is; such is the freeness of Christ's grace that it is written, "I am found of them that sought me not." He sends his sweet perfume into nostrils that never sniffed after it. He puts himself in the way of eyes that never looked for him. How I wish that some man who has never sought for Christ, might find him even now! You remember the story that Christ tells of the man that was ploughing the field; he was only thinking of the field, and how much corn it would take to sow it; and he was ploughing up and down, when suddenly, his plowshare hit upon something hard. He stopped the oxen, and took his spade, and dug, and there was an old crock, and it was full of gold. Somebody had hidden it away, and left it. This man had never looked for it, for he did not even know it was there, but he had stumbled on it, as men say, by accident. What did he do? He did not tell anybody, but he went off to the man who was the owner of the field, and he said, "What will you take for that field?" "Can you buy it?" "Yes, I want it, what will you take for it?" The price was so high that he had to sell the house he lived in, and his oxen, and his very clothes off his back; but he did not care about that, he bought the field, and he bought the treasure, and then he was able to buy back his clothes, his house, and his oxen, and everything else. If you find Christ, and if you have to sell the coat off your back in order to get him, if you have to give up everything you have that you may find him, you will have such a treasure in him that, for the joy of finding him, you would count all the riches of Egypt to be less than nothing and vanity; but you need not sell the coat off your back, Christ is to be had for nothing, only you must give him yourself. If he gives himself to you, and he becomes your Savior, you must give yourself to him, and become his servant. Trust him, I beseech you, the Lord help you so to do, for Jesus' sake! Amen.

My comment:
The last parable can be read as Mr Spurgeon describes. But I believe it is more accurate to say that the man who gave up everything to buy the field - that is Christ, not us. Our Saviour who laid aside His majesty, gave up everything, the clothes off His back, the blood in His veins, to die on the rugged cross. The Lion became the sacrificial lamb - for us.

Fusion!

2006-05-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

I love this music! He blends baroque and rock together! Amazingly fresh! Enjoy! :D

You raise me up (Josh Groban)

2006-05-04T22:59:00.000+08:00

Hearts burning

2006-05-04T15:09:00.000+08:00

What happened to radical Christianity, the un-nice brand of Christianity that turned the world upside-down? What happened to the category-smashing, life-threatening, anti-institutional gospel that spread through the first century like wildfire and was considered (by those in power) dangerous? What happened to the kind of Christians whose hearts were on fire, who had no fear, who spoke the truth no matter what the consequence, who made the world uncomfortable, who were willing to follow Jesus wherever He went? What happened to the kind of Christians who were filled with passion and gratitude, and who everyday were unable to get over the grace of God?

Michael Yaconelli (minister, author)

Association

2006-05-04T10:55:00.000+08:00

Reading a sister's post today, I'm reminded about the importance of association.

It's okay to fellowship with all brethren. But it's important to spend time with those who are able to build you up - whose companionship ministers. Iron sharpens iron.

People are not perfect. There are some people that after spending time with them, though enjoyable, takes away faith. It's perfectly all right to fellowship but when it comes to issues like guarding my heart, I place that in higher priority than friendship alone.

I know, it's the shalom peace of God that guards my heart. So follow where there's peace. Where there's no peace, do not continue.

Not all friendships edify. So it's important to value friends by the words they speak. (the last thing I want, is someone speaking bad over my life and dropping rotten seeds into my heart, even unintentionally)

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:34)

Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)

He who guards his lips guards his life,
but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)

The heart of the wise teaches his mouth,
And adds learning to his lips.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. (Proverbs 16:22-24)

Association. So important:-

He who walks with the wise grows wise,
but a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

Note, it doesn't say, a companion of the ungodly. So one can be godly (since it is the gift of righteousness) and be a fool (having the holy spirit does not mean one is automatically wise. That's why Paul prayed that for the Ephesus church to receive the spirit of wisdom - Ephesians 1:17)

Believers should seek wisdom. But not all believers do. And one can tell from their spoken words...

Note also, elsewhere it says blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly (Psalms 1:1) The wisdom one seeks should be from the Lord - sarkal, not harkim (spelling?) wisdom.

Have you?

2006-05-04T10:23:00.000+08:00

Loved worship during chapel in primary school. This is my fave song then. Have really fond memories of it. I didn't think much of the preaching but I really enjoyed the singing. And as I recall, He tells me that He enjoyed me enjoying the singing. Feel the warm fuzzy feelings coming on... :)

This song really spoke to me, especially in times when I feel lonely.

Have you ever talked to God above?
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayers?

Have you told Him all your cares and woes?
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can know He always hear and
He will answer prayers

Have you whispered in a crowd to Him?
Cried aloud when you're alone with Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts...

On a lofty mountain peak
He's there
In a meadow by a stream
He's there
Everywhere on earth you go
He's been there from the start

Find the answer in His Word
It's true
You'll be strong because He walks
with you
By His faithfulness He'll change you too
God answers prayers

Bless those

2006-05-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was nursing a 'mosquito bite' these past two days.

Got irritated by someone and thought it was really 'big' of me not to retaliate. 'See?' I told myself a little smugly, 'I'm putting what Pastor preached into practise by turning the other cheek.' And then proceeded to write a post on it.

Lord, I repent.

Realised that post was a practise in self-indulgence and took it off-line.

I was on my great white throne musing about how magnanimous I was, whilst at the back of my mind thinking, "just let him try it again and see how christian I can be!" It occurred to me a little belatedly, that I'm letting it bother me. And it bothered me that I'm letting it bother me.

Then, out of the blue, the Lord said to me, "Bless him"

My immediate reaction was, "what?! Bless him? That stoopid guy? You want me to bless him?" I spluttered.

Ahhh.. so christian, so mature right? *sigh* am only human.

But because Abba had 'asked' me, I had to choke the words out. I sure didn't want to say it, so I labelled it "in Jesus' name".

So I went, "In the name of Jesus, I bless you XYZ with blessings - that the Lord may open the eyes of your heart; in the name of Jesus, blessings will come upon you..."

I was aware all the time I was saying it that I was speaking as a royal priest. And I sure didn't want them blessings that I'm saying coming upon him. :S Alas! Royal priest, what to do? Good as done :D

But strangely, it got easier the more I said it. And that mosquito bite that I was nursing in my heart subsided. My heart got lighter and lighter. Lighter than it was previously when I tried to "cast" it to the Lord.

The spiritual truth is that bad things happen to people who curse Christians - and we have to bless them to reverse this natural effect. (I've heard of an actual incident before)

And I understood, practically, what Pastor meant when he taught, "bless those who curse you."

When we bless and release the power of words, it frees us by releasing that grudge. Even though I knew I was nursing a grudge, I couldn't help myself. I wanted to let go, but I didn't want to. Confusing right? I'm ashamed to admit it's sickeningly 'shiok' to nurse one.

So when Abba said, "Bless him", I did that in sullen obedience. Did it only because Jesus wanted me to and because I loved Him.

Labelled the words "in the name of Jesus" and subconsciously recognising that I know I don't want to bless, but He can. And when He takes over..allowing me to speak His rhema words, wow, light as a feather and out of mind! :D

For thou, O Lord

2006-05-03T16:05:00.000+08:00

Was listening to a YAM sermon by Pastor Chin. And there was such an anointing at the end. I love it how those services end in worship, when the anointing would fall, people be prayed for, a season of flowing in tongues - and in the midst of this particular worship caught on tape, the worship team was in the background singing this part of the hymn over and over again, like a victorious anthem!

For thou, O Lord
art a shield for me
You're the glory
and the lifter of my head!

For thou, O Lord
art a shield for me
You're the glory
and the lifter of my head!

For thou, O Lord
art a shield for me
You're the glory
and the lifter of my head!

Chit-chat

2006-05-03T00:15:00.000+08:00

Abba, it's one of them blah days that I've wasted at home.

In fact, it started off with good intentions. Wanted to get lots of work done, get a good book to read and of course, quiet time in the Word. But in the end...?

And it being such a boring day, I didn't feel quite like talking to you. No energy. Not inspired. Just bleh leh...

You know I'm getting lazy when I lapse into Singlish.

Hmmm... what do you think of the elections Abba? I'm a little nochalent about it. Not voting this time round. But it's like, hardly hear a peep from anyone, then in the last month, such a furore of action. I don't like the PAP harping on Gomez, but they do have a point. Especially tonight when I was watching the news. He did seem like he was playing it up for the media in asking the Elections department for his 'submitted' form.

Okay, let's not talk politics. It's a little droll.

So what's the plan up in heaven? Like when are you coming back Lord? Which reminds me, I must get last last week's CD on the shaking.

Oh, and when Pastor preached about Mount Sinai - that mountain that quakes and trembles - man, it was such a terrifying sight. The purity of the law and all it's glory. Gosh, I was 'scared' and so so thankful for the cross. How can man aspire to perfection and holiness - whose standard is so way above our capabilities. Wow, when Pastor brought forth the terror of the law, in all it's demands... The law brings fear and inadequacy.

I was thinking Abba, of doing a study of Romans and Galatians.. but what say You? I love the way Paul writes. Oh, he's passionate and deliberate in his arguments - at times pleading, demanding, cajoling, proclaiming!

Give me Your stability and wisdom Lord. To grow in wisdom and favour with God and men - like You Lord. Holy Spirit, You are the Spirit of truth and wisdom. I invite You to reveal Yourself in my heart.

Lord, I know You are a gentleman but let it not be said that I'm hard of hearing. But write Your laws in my heart. You said that none such teach me, know the Lord! So Abba, You teach me! You be the one to reveal to me, revelation knowledge of the beauty and perfection of Jesus and the power and mystery of the Holy Spirit.

What does it mean by having the Holy Spirit, God Himself residing in me?

What does it mean, Christ in me, the hope of glory?

Let it be more than mere words alone but transform it into life! Effect in me, work out from me Your salvation.

Would Your goodness cause me to tremble? To fall on my knees?

I do not know Lord. You are at once, El-Shaddai, Jehovah, Adonai - but You are also my Abba, my Yeshua and the gentle Holy Spirit. The latter, as a dove, as a mighty rushing wind. Oh, You speak in a still small voice to me, but You are all power and majesty.

That at Your name, every knee shall bow, and every tongue declare You are Lord! What sort of power and majesty can command such awe?

Do I know the victory that I already have? What it means to reign in life? What is the gift of righteousness and the abundance of grace?

Do I know how much the cross avails for me? Ahhh! I want to appropriate more! I hunger for more! I thirst for more in a tangible tangible way. Inexplicable, inexpressible. To be closer to thee! To enjoy thee! To be One in spirit and in truth! In might and in power! To experience Your glory!

My Father, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

Longing

2006-04-30T20:53:00.000+08:00

I was thinking of one of my favourite hymns. It was inspired by one of the psalms.

As the deer panteth for the water
so my soul longeth after thee
You alone are my heart's desire
and I long to worship You

For You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone, may my spirit yield

You alone are my heart's desire
and I long to worship You

I'm quoting Psalm 42 in the King James Version which I find really beautiful. The psalm is actually 'darker' than the hymn. But what I like about the psalms is that it's so real and passionate. These are real challenges that the psalmist is going through. And yet in all, He did not turn away from the Lord.

Sometimes, when all else fails, surely, the only refuge and hope and source of comfort is in the Lord. For without Him, what is life? All then, what awaits then, is death and darkness.

As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.

My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?

My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?

When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.

Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.

Yet the LORD will command his lovingkindness in the day time, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God

Have you ever came to a place, when you are aware that you thirst?

Not everyone is aware. It manifest itself as a sense of meaningless with life, a vacuum in the soul, a disquiet unknown disastisfaction. My friend, you are thirsting.... as I had.

My soul panteth. It longeth for the Lord. To drink after the living waters and be filled. And rested. And in peace.

Forever

2006-04-30T20:43:00.000+08:00

Actually, this song is called "All Heaven declares"

But what struck me today at worship is, because of us, because of me, He'll forever be the Lamb.

God was never a human being. Being Almighty God - I mean, look around you, the beauty, vastness and majesty of creation - came from God! To give all that divine power up to take on human form, confined and small. The Lion of Judah, became a lamb. The God of the Universe became a sacrifice.

Pastor Lian shared something. She said the measure of love (yes, love can be measured), is in how much Someone is willing to give up. Imagine what God was willing to give up. Not only in terms of power and all, but what He was willing to undergo.

The perfection and the holiness taking on and becoming sin itself. How that must have tortured His spirit. Indeed, His physical suffering (think of The Passion) must have been only a fraction of what He must have been going through in the spiritual realm. And for that reason, I kneel before Him in worship and adoration!

Forever You will be!
The Lamb upon the throne
I gladly bow my knees
and worship You alone!

All heaven declares
the glory of the risen Lord
Who can compare
with the beauty of the Lord

Prayer before sleep

2006-04-28T02:02:00.000+08:00

It's 2 am in the morning Lord. I don't know why I'm still in front of the computer. Got a long day ahead tomorrow. Running! Urgh, I'm not very enthusiastic about running. :(

So be with me Lord.

Fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Hmm.. what's it all about? Ah well.. I'm going to rest in You and obey You and I don't know how I ought to pray Lord, so I'll pray in tongues, for it is the rest and the refreshing.

My lids are a little heavy, but I'm reluctant to go to bed. Just want to linger a little more in Your presence. Today, You feel comforting to me.

Abba, I decided to dwell in things and words that edify me. I'm not going to force myself but shall just be like a sheep and follow the life within me. Give me the revelation of what it means to have You as my Shepherd.

I'm looking forward to the sign language class on Saturday. Well, I guess it's more of a background class than the actual sign language itself. Still, quite excited.

And You do remember my shopping list? When do we go shopping? When do I get that iPod? hee.. also that Nokia phone and that spa retreat.. :)

Lord, I declare that I'll lose the fats in all the right places tomorrow. Oh.. there was this funny article in the newspapers today about bosoms and all. And I'm reminded when I carry a toddler on my lap and he's facing me and resting his head on my bosom, so naturally and comfortable - well, it's a tender picture isn't it? Of softness and warmth - a womanly comfort - a different sort of gentleness from a father's. Hmmm...

Did you laugh when I mused that it's not a man I want but a family? Ahh.. You know what I mean.. LOL

Just crossed my mind, today's sermon about human love - saccharine sweet and unreliable.

Abba, give me an understanding heart. Fill me with the spirit of wisdom Lord. Let the law of kindness be on my lips. Teach me to be as wise as serpents and harmless as doves. You said that length of days are in wisdom's right hand and on her left, is honour and pleasures forevermore. With long life You satisfy me, and show me Your Yeshua.

Oh, it'll be a pleasure to wake up to goodness and mercy pursuing and hunting me down all the days of my life.

Oh Lord, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord forever. To rest in Your glory and sing praises to Your name.

Isn't it some kind of wonderful? It just struck me that whoa, it's eternal life starting now! And it's Your zoe life.

That You love me so much, You would protect me from ALL my enemies. And that includes my flesh. Not me Lord, You. I'm Your sheep Lord, totally reliant on You.

You beloved daughter, in whom You are well pleased! :)

Did I ever thank You Abba.. how much Your support means to me? How much Your belief in me means to me? To have Someone believe in me regardless of my failures. To have Your love unceasing regardless of the times I let You down. No wonder the bible says, Your love ENDURETH.

Have I tested You much Lord? Yet You still delight in me.

Am I always on Your mind Lord? Tell me again...

You are my strength, my hope. The tower that I lean on. The refuge I run to.

Beautiful Lord,
Wonderful Saviour,
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands,
crafted into Your perfect plans

How come You're always joking with AJ Lord? What about me? Show me more of Your humour Lord, You know I like to be jolly. I love Your tender, wry, sparkling, ironic humour. All creation has Your fingerprints. The giraffe, the elephant and the many-handed octopus. Tell me a joke everyday?

Amaze me Lord with Your creation everyday?

Embrace me, kiss me, love me, hold me - keep me still in Your comfort my Love.

My Lord, my King, my Saviour, my Yeshua, my Best Friend.

I love You.

Theology, philosophy, edification

2006-04-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

Theology

I am no theologian. So these are only my observations.

I think it's important, in particular for a Christian, NOT to be a theologian.

Theology teaches you ABOUT God.

Being a Christian. Well, it's BEING. And Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship.

When you're in a relationship, you KNOW someone.

How does the bible talk about knowing? How does the Word define "to know"?

It is in the context of "Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain"(Genesis 4:1). The most intimate of knowing.

To KNOW God - the most intimate of knowledge.

Whoa. Hope I didn't shock some of you. I mean it.

What did you think?

The bible talks about man and woman being one flesh in the context of marriage and sex.

It talks about the church being the bride of Christ.

It talks about being in ONE spirit with Him.

Theology only talks ABOUT God. The last thing a Christian should do is talk about God. The revelation of the KNOWledge of Him satisfies the soul.

How? When? It's when you, O beloved child of God; you, the bride without spot or wrinkle, KNOWS God. Intimately.

Who He is? What He likes? What kind of conversationalist is He? His personality. His character.

Don't study God as if He were some kind of species - which is what I feel theology sometimes does.

It robs the people of the closeness of a relationship with the One who gave Himself for love and pushes Him so far away by examining Him as if He were someThing. Omnipotent, omniscience etc etc.. Awful! How does this improve my relationship with God?

How do you develop a relationship with anyone?

You talk, you share experiences, you cry, you laugh, you grow up, you recall, you rely, depend, trust, believe.

What makes you think a relationship with God is any different?

Philosophy

Oh dear, philosophy. What can I say about philosophy. But for the grace of God, I guess I'll be a philosopher..

For thousands of years, philosophy has posted its arguments in various permutations. And all it has shown is how well it can build its own maze and get lost in it. The futility of it all is like a cat chasing its tail. Because even when you 'get it', you don't.

Philosophy tickles the mind. Makes one feel very intellectual. As if one is getting somewhere. But really, philosophy is like running on a threadmill. People feel good with all the effort put in and happy in drawing their own conclusions. Conclusions which do not benefit anyone.

Philosophy is all about THE question. The meaning of life? Creation. Salvation. Karma. Mankind. Harmony. Balance etc...

Philosophy is kindergarten in relation to the depth and richness that can be plowed and harvested from the soul. It uses the mind in an attempt to bridge its way to the heart and feed it. I'm so impatient with it because it's futile.

Again, I'm no philosopher. And there's a reason I disdain it.

Basically, all arguments, all studies that purport to reach into the psyche should be able to do so. But hundreds, dare I say, thousands of years have come and gone, and people are still pondering the same questions.

Edifying

What IS edification?

Whatever gives LIFE!

You may think it's a strange definition. Every human being wants 'closure'. We like our line of 'argument' (for lack of a better word) to get somewhere.

But only truth is definite. Be it scientific truth etc.. I want to KNOW something concrete and NOT speculation. So I am impatient with theories and opinions.

It's really strange 'cos a discussion of the Word unveils mysteries and beautiful truths that we feed on. Where words are alive and living and we just sink our teeth into them and meditate. It ends with an answer. An answer that is not an end in itself but is so rich that it brings forth more questions that we feed on, knowing that the answers the we dig into will be richer. It's like digging for gold and actually getting it.

Theology and philosophy starts with a question and ends with more questions. Heavy as gravity and dank with the musk of open-ended arguments that lead no where. It tickles the mind muscles but leaves one hollow inside.

Christ Remains

2006-04-26T21:21:00.000+08:00

I seem to be in the mood for songs these past two days :) Got this song from this babe

Christ Remains
(by Scott Kripayne/Tony Wood)

When dreams are rudely shattered,
And plans are torn apart
I'm left to try to gather the fragments of my heart
In the darkness hope is there, shining like a flame
Christ remains, Christ remains.

My Provider, my Protector always watching over me
My Comforter, my Counsellor, He is all I need
My constant in the chaos,
My source of strength unchanged
Everyday the same
Christ remains, Christ remains.

When silence steals my prayers, I'm feeling all alone
As the valley of the shadow claims
The dearest ones I've known
Then I crawl toward my refuge,
Our shelter in each day
Christ remains, Christ remains.

Never Gonna Let You Go

2006-04-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

Never Gonna Let You Go - lyrics

I'm listening to the version sung by Peabo Bryson and Patti Austin :)

I was as wrong as I could be to let you get away from me
I'll regret that move for as long as I'm living
But now that I've come to see the light
All I wanna do is make things right
So just say the word and tell me that I'm forgiven

You and me
We're gonna be better than we were before
I loved you then but now I intend
To open up and love you even more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

Looking back now it seems so clear
I had it all when you were here
Oh, you gave it all and I took it for granted
But if there's some feeling left in you
Some flicker of love that still shines through
Let's talk it out
Let's talk about second chances

Wait and see
It's gonna be sweeter than it was before
I gave some then but now I intend
To dedicate myself to giving more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

So if you'll just say you want me too...

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go
Never gonna let you go

My Hero

2006-04-26T17:39:00.000+08:00

Here's the Hero of my heart! ;)

copyright New Creation Church

Baaa...?

2006-04-26T01:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in CG, we have a quiet worship where we just linger in His presence.

And it's different from the fervency, or emotional intensity in church. It's difficult for me to be still - because I'm used to thinking about this and that, my mind pondering here and there.

But to simply be still and enjoy the waters of refreshing. Just sit back into His arms and relax. Perhaps I'm a little of an active daughter to Abba. Hmph! I think I'm still better than most. I run to Him all the time! :D And of course! I'm His fave!

Today, Kenneth shared about sheep. Baaaa... :D And it takes some imagination to dream of the meadows and that slow pace of life. Sheep, I learnt today, are pretty stupid and totally reliant on the Shepherd.

It's not so much the not being smart part - because the wisdom of man can't even compare to the foolishness of God.

And I'm not going to summarise the notes here 'cos I've got to chew on it a bit. There's something that I'm not getting yet though I believe the revelation is already released within me.

Because though we are sheep, we are no ordinary sheep. We are not lost. We are His. And we follow Him.

The thing is, I realised especially towards the end of last year and this year even, I seem to 'know' things. But I don't use the information all that wisely sometimes. You know, like when one knows something, you would want to act on that information or not act regardless based on feelings. It's an impulsive nature. Whereas to be still and believe on God to resolve it, that takes *sigh* patience and perseverence. Well, do I know it!

And I beginning to understand what it means when Jesus says,

Matthew 10:16

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

Wise as serpents. The serpent was the most subtle of creatures. The thing is, we are wise as serpents but we don't strike. I cannot abuse the gifts and insights that God has placed within me.

Solomon abused the wisdom that God gave him and taxed the people. It is recorded that he collected 666 talents of gold in tax. He found favour with the Queen of Sheba who gifted him with 120 talents of gold. Numerical significance.

Pastor Lian and Pastor Prince have been preaching on wisdom. And today's message, there was a bit of a link.. I just feel a desire to pray in tongues more for the next few days. Ohh.. I'm sleepy now... shalom.. :)

My confession

2006-04-25T12:37:00.000+08:00

One of my favourite songs... It's a rather personal song for me 'cos it reminds me of me. When I listen to this song, I feel like I'm swept away.

"My Confession" beautifully sung by Josh Groban.

I have been blind, unwilling to see
The true love You're giving.
I have ignored every blessing.
I'm on my knees confessing

That I feel myself surrender
Each time I see Your face.
I am staggered by Your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.

I have been wrong about You.
Thought I was strong without You.
For so long nothing could move me.
For so long nothing could change me.
Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see Your face.
I am captured by Your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.

You are the air that I breathe
You're the ground beneath my feet.
When did I stop believing?

Cause I feel myself surrender
Each time I see Your face.
I am staggered by Your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.
Hear my confession

Aim Higher

2006-04-25T08:44:00.000+08:00

Excellent post by uncle muthu here

Enjoying Yeshua

2006-04-24T21:54:00.001+08:00

A few thoughts have been going through my mind this week. It's all because I think too much.

Prior to this post, I wanted to post another called "Ruthless" but it didn't sit well with me.

Why 'ruthless'?

Just a few days ago, I determined in myself - my self thoughts went like this:- Does not the Word says gird your mind? Meditate on the word day and night, keep them in the midst of your heart for they are health and life! To be in the world but not of the world and hence to bring every thought captive to the word of Christ. My heart shall belong to Jesus and Jesus alone! To keep myself for my Beloved; to live only for Him. To cherish the Word and my inheritance for it came at a great price.

But even as I was thinking on this, it didn't feel quite right.

Where is love and compassion? But we don't walk by feelings right?

Then again, would not being 'ruthless' be like the pharisees? Saul was a pharisee of pharisees - though his heart was for God. Well, I want my heart to be for the Lord but I sure as heaven don't want to be a pharisee. Jesus reserved the harshest words for pharisees. He called them "a brood of vipers"

But I'm not talking about being 'ruthless' to others but to self. Cruxifying the flesh so to speak. And I'm reminded, that it is NOT me who does the cruxifying; that I am cruxified (past tense) with Christ, therefore I no longer live, Jesus Christ now lives in me. And the life that I live, I live to the son of God.

Perhaps because my motivation, this 'ruthlessness', stems from fear. That of anyone taking the place of Jesus in my heart. I have lived life without Christ and am living life with Him. And I can't fathom, how I will be able, having once tasted the sweetness to turn away from such majesty and love. I wouldn't be able to bear it. And hence, I subconsciously told myself that nobody can touch my heart. And of course, in some ways, I was putting myself under law for the more I thought about it, the more afraid I was that I would one day fall to temptation.

It's like commanding someone not to think of a pink elephant and saying it in his face repeatedly. Of course, in that someone's mind would be a pink elephant.

Then a few days ago, I was listening to Pastor Lawrence's message. And it really resonated with me and brought me back to 'basics'. Ahh... 'basics', what an oxymoron of a word. 'Basics' can be so profound.

Pastor Lawrence was sharing that he can be doing the 'christian' things.. still being in the Word, reading the bible, praying, attending for service. I know that, I do that; because I WANT to. I want to know more and more about Jesus Christ. About Him. And I ask Abba for the hunger as well. But it didn't satisfy me enough.

And through Pastor's sharing, I realised why.

I'm reading the Word, praying, attending service for knowledge. But I've forgotten the main reason that I do all these things is to ENJOY Yeshua. To breath in His fragrance and savour Him; to admire the perfection of His work and His majestic beauty. To be refreshed and reminded of His love. To go, not to a book, but to Him alone and drink of His living waters. That I may not thirst.

All these things that we do culminate to only one purpose. Enjoying Jesus. Enjoying Yeshua. Just that one thing. To sit at His feet and listen and rest and draw from His fullness.

Not to focus on myself. Not to depend on myself to keep myself for Christ. For surely, it is Jesus who holds me, not I Him. It is God who has put me in Christ, not me. It is the finished work that guarantees eternal reconciliation with Him, not me. It is His love that sustains me, not my love for Him.

Back to basics. Back to enjoying Jesus. His love keeps my heart for Him alone.

Psalm 27:1, 4-6

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?...

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.

For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.

Sex

2006-04-23T19:15:00.000+08:00

I knew that every relationship has a spiritual parallel. Haven't thought too deeply into sex but had an inkling what the spiritual truth of it was. Had it confirmed today. You may find it interesting.. :)

From a book by Michelle Mckinney Hammond

I find most women do not stand on principle when it comes to sex because they do not understand the depths of what sex is really all about. For everything in the spiritual realm, there is a natural parallel. Sex could be considered a natural parallel to the spiritual act of worship. What is sex? What is worship? It is giving all you have and all you are to the one you love. It is completely yielding yourself to your lover, submitting to him, praising him. Deep, isn't it? Small wonder those people who worshiped idols always included sexual orgies as part of their rituals. Even the heathen understood the spiritual implications of sex.

Blue skies and kisses

2006-04-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

Listening to sermon yesterday on my CD player. Pastor was saying that blue is the colour of grace in relation to the colour of the High Priest's robe.

Like the blue in the sky.

God has painted the sky blue to remind us of His grace.

So, there I was sitting in the bus, listening to the sermon, looking up at the vast blue sky. That's God's grace. That's the extent of His grace. Undeserved, unearned mercy.

God puts His fingerprints on our lives. His presence is everywhere about us if we had but eyes to see.

Then today, as I stepped out of the house, there was a light shower.

At first I felt irritated, 'cos I did not have an umbrella.

Tried to look on the bright side. Showers of blessings right? Yeah right.. who am I kidding? Then I realised, it REALLY was a light shower. The droplets were feather-light. The same feeling one has when one sprays perfume.

I don't remember feeling such light droplets before.

Out of the blue, it reminded me of kisses. Light kisses from heaven, descending like a midst about me. And two lines of a song rose within me and I started humming, "kisses for me, save all your kisses for me.. bye bye baby bye bye!" :D

Felt lightly embraced as I walked to the bus-stop. A smile and a ditty on my lips. :)

Glory (Exodus 33)

2006-04-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

What is God's glory?

(In brackets, my comments)

Exodus 33:16-23

For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth.”

(separate = sanctified. The church is known as 'the called-out' ones; in the world, but not of the world. Why? He goes with us. We are different from non-believers; there is a reservoir of strength and joy within us they know not of.)

So the LORD said to Moses, “I will also do this thing that you have spoken; for you have found grace in My sight, and I know you by name.”

('found grace' - how awesome it is when Almighty God is gracious to us. But does He know us by name? Yes, yes and yes! We are inscribed on the palm of his hands)

And he said, “Please, show me Your glory.”

(THE question. What is God's glory?)

Then He said, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.”

(God's glory is His goodness. To what extent? To me, when we sing of God's glory, I'm reminded of the hymn below.)

But He said, “You cannot see My face; for no man shall see Me, and live.”

And the LORD said, “Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by. Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen.”

(Jesus is The Rock. It is God who puts us in Christ. Go to biblegateway, do a phrase search of "in Christ" and "in whom" in the New Testament - awesome! The beautiful portion is, we experience God's goodness and glory because we are in Christ - in the Rock of all ages. We are nothing without Jesus.

And yet, if it is Almighty God who has put us in Christ because of the perfection of His work on the cross - how then can we, by our actions lose our salvation and be out of the Rock? To say so would mean that Jesus did not do a perfect work. For if Christ is not resurrected, we will be still in our sins.)

One of my favourite hymns...

Glory, glory
Glory to the Lamb!

Glory, glory
Glory to the Lamb!

For You are glorious!
and worthy to be praised!
You're the lamb upon the throne

and unto You
we lift our voice in praise!
You're the lamb upon the throne!

Why do we sing glory?

It's His goodness... I see the cross.

Why do we lift our voice in praise?

We can't help it... I see the cross, His goodness and His love for me!

Worthy, worthy to be praise! Hallelujah! Jesus, the lamb of God!

Wind

2006-04-19T15:11:00.000+08:00

Acts 2:1-4

When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to them divided tongues, as of fire, and one sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

Isaiah 40:

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.

His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Song...

Did I ever tell You
You're my Hero
You're everything I wish I could be!

I can fly higher than an eagle!
For You are the wind beneath my wings...

Nostalgia

2006-04-19T00:42:00.000+08:00

Thought of a song today... had various 'likes' and infatuations growing up and 2 crushes. Maybe it's 'cos I had lunch with a good friend today who recently got attached. We knew each other in university - and well, my first crush was in my 2nd year - that was about 6 years ago.

6 years is a pretty long time and the feelings have long been gone. But it was 8 months whilst it lasted - I even had a 'theme song' for us... and today, it just popped into my mind.

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me
Will I ever see
you staring back at me?
How would I know
if I let you go...

by Westlife

I must say though, 'likes', infatuations or crushes aside; I'm glad to say that my first love is and always will be Yeshua.

Never knew love till I met You... (should be a title of a song :))

Hmm.. like in limbo land but quite contented? It's just feeling a little weird - like I'm a perfectly happy single wondering wandering... hmmm...

I guess this musing happened because I believe God guards my heart but Pastor also said "it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all" - encouraging us to take risks... :S Maybe he's speaking to the guys. I just don't have the inclination to.

It's like you have everything and then there's a suggestion (in my mind) that I'm missing out on something? But search as I might, I don't think so.

Ahh... Lord, whatever. You know my heart in this. I'm SO over it since last year. Now, I just want to focus on the ministry that you've placed in my heart. The marketplace! :)

edit: Wrote the above yesterday... just now, reading the birthday present that Jeri gave. There was this paragraph which was 'timely' ;) and confirmed what was in my heart:

"It is the job of a real man to find his woman, pursue her, and capture her heart. It is the job of the woman to be ready to be found - a much easier job description. But it will only be easy if you have your head and your heart together."

My birthday outing!

2006-04-17T01:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (Saturday), the gals celebrated my birthday with me! It was wonderful!

First, we had a late lunch at (get ready now, long name coming up!) Crystal Jade Ginseng Chicken and BBQ. They had generous portions there and the food was really delicious! We got the set menu for 2 - but shared amongst 3 persons.

Jeri and me were at the table. We got to 'BBQ-ed' our beef and chicken. It was our first attempt. When John came, he shook his head and remarked at our 'burnt offerings' (actually, it wasn't that burnt!) and proceeded to take charge of the cooking... so sweet :D - so that we are able to enjoy the meal more.

Later, Jove and Cindy arrived (John had to leave halfway) and we proceeded for a leisurely walk from Centrepoint all the way to Fullerton. Then we sat down at Bakerz Inn for mostly desert. Ahh.. so nice. We talked and shared and chilled out.

Then we decided to check out Clarke Quay. So we walked there. I haven't been there for some time but it was really bustling. I almost gate-crashed a wedding dinner - almost, 'cos I had no guts. It was at this beautiful Chinese restaurant called Peony-Jade (lovely name!) restaurant. It was in a pseudo-shophouse and had a staircase leading up to where the banquet was held. A beautiful designed elegant entrance. I thought it was a wonderful idea to hold the wedding dinner in a restaurant like this instead of traditionally in a hotel. Of course, if I had the cash, I would have my dinner on a cruise-ship. :D

There were a lot of foreigners around - a very worldly place I suppose, but I always liked a busy atmosphere. I do like the city. Though looking at the pubs and clubs and couples, I did feel a little sorry? for them. It looked like this was the lifestyle - the only way they know how to 'relax'. Hmm.. what's the word? There was a weary worldly air about them. Me? I felt like a curious kid, more there to see the architecture and design of the place. It's really cool! Very post-modern feel.

I really enjoyed myself with the fellowship and just exploring the places we have here. :)

Here are the birthday pics that Jeri sent! I had some trouble but finally managed to get them up! Hallelujah!

Here's Abba's beloveds! Cindy, me and Jeri in front of the Durian - a local landmark :D

The babes: Jeri, Jovy and moi and the lovely skyline

Glowing Cindy and me, pretty as can be :)

In front of the merlion, holding that cute bouquet that Jovy gave :)

Easter Sunday!

2006-04-16T23:05:00.000+08:00

Today's worship was awesome! And so was the choir item :D This phrase keeps ringing in my heart... "Arise my Love! Arise!"

'cos You came near, from the everlasting
to the world we live,
the Father's only Son...

You lived, You died,
You rose again on high!
You opened the way
for the world to live again
Hallelujah! for all You've done!

To give us life, He gave His...

and the wonderful proclaimation!

My redeemer lives!
My redeemer lives!
My redeemer lives!
My redeemer lives!

Hallelujah!

Oh! Today is the day! Where Jesus, the Christ rose from the dead! Arise my Love! Arise! Triumphant! Oh, what a triumph! To burst open death's doors! Crush the head of the serpent! And O now, high and lifted up! Exalted forever! My Lord and King! Arise my Love, arise!

To serve a LIVING God! Awesome!

But today Pastor pointed out, more than any other depiction of God in the bible, is His identity as our Shepherd.

Psalm 23

What a refreshing! What beauty and majesty! What love! Altogether lovely! Altogether wonderful to me!

Who is there like You Lord?

Seeing the beauty in others

2006-04-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

Today I went for 4th service - and I was in the queue going to church. I was alone in the queue, just trying to meditate on what Easter meant in the midst of the hustle and bustle of Suntec. Was quite excited about going to church 'cos I was going to see Him!

It was already 4.25 pm and service was to start at 4.15 pm. Beside me, a lady began to grumble.

Now, she wasn't dressed well, was skinny, approximately was in her 50s - and she began complaining to me, a total stranger. Her face was in a frown and she started going on about why it was so long, why the people haven't come out yet, why did we always have to queue up, how she was told to come early etc etc. She didn't seem like a pleasant person.

Well, my mind could come up with a dozen reasons. 'Pastor is feeding the sheep; oh glorious revelations! Still many people come, well worth the wait etc etc..' but I didn't say it 'cos I felt it wasn't worthwhile to justify to her - she didn't seem to be in the mood to listen. And well, I think Abba asked me to keep my mouth shut. So I just smiled sympathetically, kept quiet, looked ahead, around occasionally. Not someone I wanted to carry on a conversation with. I just wanted to mind my own business.

After a while, she piped down 'cos I guess, I was not responsive. Then she wished me, "Happy Easter!" and smiled. We shook hands.

And I felt ashamed. Because I realised that I had been silently judging her by her words and conduct and dismissing her as someone who 'hasn't had that revelation of grace yet - or else she would be patient and wait cheerfully' Yet she had been the one to initiate the greeting.

Then she started talking about her work. Her english wasn't very good and I had difficulty making out what she was trying to say. But I felt that Abba just wanted me to listen to her - so I just nodded - and listen. She just wanted someone to listen to her. We started sharing; and as she talked, her face started 'glowing' and she started smiling. Oh! What a difference a smile made! She started giving glory to God... and the more she shared, the more she smiled.

Oh! She looked so beautiful when she smiled! Like she was lighted up within! Don't know where it was from, but suddenly, I just felt she was so wonderful, so worthy to be loved - how much Jesus loved her. And I leaned over, put one arm about her, to give her a hug.

She turned back to give me a hug too! A more proper one! With two arms! :D

The queue started to go in....

Then during worship, my mind recalled this incident. And I realized, that the love that I 'suddenly' felt for her was God loving her through me. I mean, He put me a position to virtually see a transformation in this beloved sister. From being sour-faced and griping about the queue to the glorious radiance on her face. I could literally see the Christ in her! When she started smiling, she was so beautiful! Obviously, it was not physical - she was reflecting His light.

He showed me how He sees us and loves us. I finally understood what my leader was telling me about God using me as an instrument to love others. Being a conduit is such a privilege! To literally be able to feel - it's supernatural! Because before God is able to touch that person, He touches my heart first! What an Easter present!

During worship, I was so moved when He thanked me for loving her, even in that short span of time. Yet I know the love I felt, is not mine, it's Him. In that few moments when I was with her and felt close to her, really, it's those moments on retrospect, that Abba's heart and mine are beating as one. It's abiding in His love.

I finally understood the true spirit of these verses in the gospel:-

Matthew 25:34-40

Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’

“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

Because from my perspective, the lady I was loving was her, but not really her. For those few minutes, I was loving Jesus in her. And that was why I was able to love her.

Couplehood

2006-04-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

It's wonderful how God is able to speak even through the movies.

Without the Word, a movie is just a good story; with the Word, Abba can be involved in the most innocuous of scenes.

To the wives who have been told to submit to the husbands, as unto the Lord.

Well, it can seem like a command - as if we have the choice taken out of our hands - 'cos the bible says so? And as if to comfort ourselves, we put the qualifer "as unto the Lord"

In the movie, "Take the Lead" there was a short scene where Antonio Banderas was teaching two teenagers how to dance the waltz. He tells the girl to follow the guy because he will be leading her. She says, hands on hips, "what? so now he gets to be in charge?"

And Mr B replies, "no, no. The guy proposes the next step, it is the girl's choice to follow."

And in a relationship, is it not a dance between a couple?

The bible says the man is the head of the household and the woman is to submit. But there is a glory in submission. Firstly, man and woman are created equal but different. There is a beauty in the woman respecting her husband as head of the household and submitting herself - it implies that she is more 'powerful' (for lack of a better word) and hence submits herself to him. Secondly, the initiative still lies with her - it is ultimately, her choice.

Have a love break!

2006-04-14T10:03:00.000+08:00

Thank God for my daily devotion subscription to NCC.

Sometimes, I find it unfair. That Jesus can be in my mind - He's there but doesn't seem there.

I suppose I'm talking about those lovin' feelings. I'm like this child who constantly needs to be assured; like an insecure woman who constantly needs to be affirmed.

A little disgusted with that. I don't like to see weakness in myself. Yet it is this acknowledgement of my own weakness - this humbling of self that I can find sustenance in Him.

So today's message was pretty apt. Have a love break! Take time away, just doing nothing but focus of Him and meditate on His love. Personally, my mind tends to be wander when I'm 'doing' nothing. So here I am typing on my blog, to focus on Him.

Well, I'm reminded. This picture just floats up in my mind's eye. I'm so in love. I'm sitting on the bed, holding hands with my Beloved and looking into His eyes - and just smiling and looking and clasping hands.

Take a love break! Just that.

And I sigh. Could we get any closer Lord? This peaceful, beautiful contentment, sedate satisfaction is warm and fuzzy - but what about the ectasy? When You reach in the innermost part of me and move me inexplicably. This quiet knowing and confidence is nice but nice is such a tame word Lord.

Today's Good Friday. The day we celebrate Your death. I am both sad and resigned. To recall You my Love, at the cross, naked and betrayed - and know that it is through Your sufferings that we have the victory. Yes, without Your death, there would be no church and it is through Your blood that I can stand before You; that You can embrace me. It is at once, both bittersweet.

Lord, I'm wearing black today. It's a day of fellowship as I go meet with my other babes-in-Christ for lunch. You're so good! You set me in families. And yet at the same time, I want to hide away with You - to a far corner of the earth. Where we will be isolated forever, just You and me. O Lord, I feel so needy. Just for you! And it's so tempting at this time, NOT to care for anyone else! I feel so jealous of You. I don't want to share You with anyone!

Yet it is a wonder that You can be God of all and still beloved Hubby of one. Surely You transform me into a secure, confidant, beautiful woman - favoured and loved by everyone. But between the both of us, You want me to need You, to rely on You, to depend on You, to love ONLY you - just for this time...

And I gladly do it Lord! You overwhelm me my Love.. there is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do. I can search for all eternity Lord and find, there is none like You.

Sometimes, I don't want anyone but You. Any guy would distract me from You and right now I just feel Lord, I don't want You to give me away to anyone. I don't want a life partner Lord, I don't want a boyfriend or husband or whatever, I just want You Jesus! Just You!

Lord, I don't know why I should need You like this. I just do, and I am not ashamed of it. It's such a confidence Lord, that You, in turn, love me passionately - in words I can't describe. What can I say my Love? My soul sings when You love me. You move me like nobody else can!

... geez, I'm smiling happily now, what a break! You restore me! You refresh me!

Seven Wonders

2006-04-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

A little story I got from a brother's blog. :)

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids

2. Taj Mahal

3. Grand Canyon

4. Panama Canal

5. Empire State Building

6. St. Peter's Basilica

7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet, so she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.

The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."

The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to See

2. to Taste

3. to Touch

4. to Hear

She hesitated a little, and then added,

5. to Feel

6. to Laugh

7. and to Love

The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop. Those things we overlook as simple and "ordinary" are truly wondrous. This is a gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be bought. God gave them to us.

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Mandarin song

2006-04-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

This song's written by Karen Lim from New Creation Church.

Lifted this from this babe's blog, who in turn got it from another babe's blog. So here, passing on the good news! :)

您永远永远不停的爱我
无微不至的扶持我
您的爱何等伟大奇妙
永不离开我永不离弃我

您说我是您心爱的人
我的一举一动您都关怀
你爱我直到天涯海角
语言不能诉说您的大恩

您带走我的伤痕忧愁
在世界上宝血洗剂我罪
我心灵被更新
重新生命我领受

耶稣我爱您深深的爱您
因为您先爱我
我罪已得赦免我心已得安慰
大爱拯救了我

耶稣我爱您深深的爱您
因为您先爱我
我罪已得赦免我心已得安慰
大爱拯救了我

How do I live

2006-04-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

Song from LeAnn Rimes :) (with some slight amendments)

How do I,
get through the night without You?
If I had to live without You,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need You in my arms, need You to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If You ever leave,
Darling You would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without You?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without You?
If You ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without You,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Darling I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost You,
If You ever leave,
Darling You would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without You?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without You?
If You ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me darling,
How do I go on?

If You ever leave,
Darling You would take away everything,
I need You with me,
Darling don't You know that You're everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without You,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without You?
If You ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

A glimspe! Inner thoughts

2006-04-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

My Dear!

I'm feeling quite literary tonight. Poetic, anticipating, awaiting to release a torrent of indulgent expressive words!

Indulgence! What is indulgence? This sense of feeling full of oneself - too satisfied, arrogant? - yet not pride but a certain, yes, self-satisfaction. All is good with the world and myself and I am contented.

Contentment - what mediocrity! Easily satsified with life?

But what's the alternative? Driven by fear? What a horrible way to live!

Driven by ambition? Isn't that too focused on self?

Or is this the fear of being focused on self that has made me shy away from ambition, deter me from yearning for perfection; persuaded me to be 'satisfied' with the status quo?

Lord, You know my temperament!

To keep Your lovely face
ever before my eyes
this is my prayer
make it my strong desire!

That in my secret heart
No other love competes
No rival throne survives
and I serve only You!

Change of subject.

I tell You a secret! I dislike someone!

Yes, I dislike her because she first disliked me! bah! Childish right?

I'm trying to not care about it - but it's kind of hard having to have Christian acceptance towards her; especially as I feel that she's pinpointing me! I'm pretending I don't know - of course I do! I just wish she was as diplomatic!

Ah well. No condemnation! I can't like everyone. And everyone can't like me! Their 'pah sar' Lord, same as before. I'm going to toss this irritant issue to You and not let it bother me. I know that in time, I will genuinely love her and I know it'll not be me, it'll be You. And it'll be wonderful!

Okay, back to the topic!

I just realised that yes, in every little thing, You show me how you shower Your blessings! And You've been telling me it's pittance to what You have in store for me. Why should I be satisfied with so little when You have died to give me ALL that You have and made me Your heir?

And I shouldn't be going round in circles. It's wonderful to have vision! And I believe You write Your laws in my heart - You have wonderful plans already laid out for me, wrapped up beautifully, awaiting patiently for my discovery and awe at how cool a Dad You are! Oh Abba! I know You are good, good, GOOD, GOOOOOODDDD!!! to me.

For me, I just feel You want to lead me one step at a time. To be faithful in one little step at a time. :) And yet, You've given me an imagination for more! Like drawing pictures within my spirit and soul - like You did! You had a dream! A dream for friends, a family, a bride! Eons and eons ago, You dared dream and paid the ultimate price!

Oh Abba! My Lord! My King! Give me the daring! The gumption! The hope! That God-fidence in You! To fulfil the potential in me! To REALISE all that You've already given! Not to shrink back at Your goodness but to run towards it and embrace it!

Working out my salvation with fear and trembling.

Wow, "fear and trembling" - are Your dreams for me really that glorious?! Is Your goodness ever comprehensible? Would I fall at Your feet and weep on that day when I truely realise how good You are to me?

Even now!

I'm just thinking Lord - that phrase keeps running through my mind! "To live is Christ! To die is gain!"

TO LIVE IS CHRIST.

What is life really?

What does it mean to live?

Would I really understand? To live is Christ.

That the purpose and meaning of life is Christ. And Christ alone!

Sometimes I wonder Lord, how I stumbled through life without You. And what You did on the cross to save me! And Lord, you know, I get angry for Your sake! I'm not as good and patient as You. I hate it when people scorn You. When they despised Your Word; when they snap and complain as You offer the gift of salvation to them.

Do they know that the gift is paid for with Your life? With Your blood? That You hung on that cross for 6 hours? That a Holy God who knew no sin carried the sins of the world?

Do they really know what sin is?

Do they know about my brothers and sisters who were thrown to the lions, persecuted, burnt at the stake, martyred, to bring the bible to them, the gospel to them?

Why do You keep offering Yourself to the world who has scorned You and slapped You away repeatedly?

Just like me.

The memory of how You never gave me up moves me Lord. And I know that it's pride that holds me back. My love for You Lord, is a selfish love. I hurt to see You scorned. You came to save them from death at such an awesome price - so that salvation can be a gift, freely offered.

Some part of me wishes to hold on to that grudge - how dare you spurn my Jesus! But even as I type this, it seems so petty and small to hold such a thought - even as I speak to You about it, my spirit cringes away from so small a mindset and expanding elsewhere into Your marvelous light!

Lord, I love it that You accept me the way I am! I don't know how You can remain so faithful and patient. I love You more and more as I realise how much You love me. And because I love You Lord, I shall love the non-believers as well. And I shall be patient with them; as You were with me. And I know that the ability to love, to accept, to be patient and to be gracious with them lies not at all in me. It is Your love for me - that embrace of love that empowers me. Oh Lord - yucks, enough of those warm fuzzy feelings I'm getting right now towards them already! I get the message already! You never fail to put a silly grin on my face!

My love, I love the way You tease (is that the right word?) me into seeing things Your way! Gosh, You love me into wholeness and humour again!

Is it any wonder Lord? I love You! Not as much as You love me... show me more of Yourself, Jesus! I want to be able to love You more! To know more of Your love for me! There's such security in that! :)

Plunge in!

2006-04-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's kinda of strange how non-believers approach Christianity.

For example, it doesn't make sense to 'debate' science. I don't talk about whether the study of science would benefit me; where the science textbooks were published, or research the credentials of people who wrote them. I don't compare how 'science' is better than other studies like history or philosophy. If I wanted to 'know' science, I just dive right in and read and that's how I learn.

But with Christianity is different. One would think, if you wanted to know about Christianity - so easy! We only have one book; dive right in and check it out! But noooo... they have to ask who wrote the book, when it was written, whether it was accurate, whether it's worthwhile to study.

I wish I can be more patient with other people since I was in their position before. Alas! I'm not God. My 'mercy' does not endureth. There are some things I want to say but which I do not feel 'released' to say. But I have to say it! So here it is!

I'm so glad that now I see! :)

Charisma

2006-04-04T23:06:00.000+08:00

I've found that spiritual people - down to earth spiritual people who know how to joke, who dress the same as anyone but yet have that 'glow' - are attractive.

I believe that the word 'charismatic' - used to describe a denomination of christianity not only refers to the charismatas (the gifts of the spirit) but to me, also suggests that the person is charismatic.

And why not? Such has the favour of God upon him; the Lord's face shining upon him; the consciousness of the Holy Spirit residing in him - how would beauty not attract?

I'll be honest. I know I have the favour of God upon me. And being a female, I subconsciously played the 'feminine card'. It occured to me sometime ago that I have more male clients. It was explained to me way before that usually that's the case - something about the opposite sex.

So when I became disappointed with a particular incident, I took the 'rejection' (what I perceived as rejection) personally. I realised then that I was depending on my own charisma and not the favour of God. Somehow I have crossed that line and believed that it was me and not the favour upon me.

Of course, it is tempting to use the favour for my own ends. I think that was what happened with David and Bathsheba. That is why it is important to be grounded in His love and keep my eyes focused on him. It is tempting for the ego to think that it is I who am attractive. Then there is the dilemna, because it is Christ through me, it is I in Christ and Christ in me, so technically, it's 'I'.

Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is to know that all that one IS and one has comes from Jesus. In matters of charima and chemistry and whatever, it would do well to daily remind ourselves that it is the reliance on God's favour that we depend on. We should daily 'see' and acknowledge the glory and honour that He has crowned us with, with a thankful heart. :)

Stomata

2006-04-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, Pastor preached on being led by the spirit.

He gave this analogy as part of this sermon and it was an image that I was thinking about today...

Something about hearing the sounds of the forest help the trees in their growth. Their stomatas widen to absorb the sound and nutrients etc..

Similarly, when we pray in tongues, something about the heavenly language - our spirit man responds like the tree and grows, and fluorishes.

Amazing Grace!

2006-04-04T11:41:00.000+08:00

Amazing grace
how sweet the sound!
The saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost
but now am found
was blind but now I see!

and from another 'hymn'..

Amazing love! how can it be
that You, my King would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honour You
In all I do, I honour You!

I'm forgiven, because You were forsaken.
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well, Your spirit lives within me
because You died and rose again!

As time goes by

2006-04-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

Recently celebrated a number of birthdays! :D And mine is coming up too so with it approaching, of course, there's a time of reflection.

There was a time when I was the youngest in any gathering. And when you're 18-21 years young, it's pretty common for people to remark how young you are!

Well, I'm going on 27 now. And I was talking with Cindy, you know, 27 is 3 years short of the big 3-0. But I don't feel like I'm 27, ought to get married, start a family and all. In fact, 27 seems like such an 'old' number for what I'm feeling.

And it struck me that birthdays track one's BIOLOGICAL age. Simply that, marking the passage of time. But one's ACTUAL age is how one really feels inside.

Yet at the same time, my thought processes and values have changed since I was 22 years young. :) Indeed, looking back, I could see how naive, impressionable and somewhat childish I was. Isn't it great then to feel young and yet be wiser?

If anyone asks for my age, I feel obligated to state my biological age. But something inside me kinda of cringe 'cos I know it's a lie. I certainly don't feel that way although reason, circumstances and the world and 'reality' seem to pressure otherwise. Is it the shalom peace that is guarding my heart?

It's not like Alan Tam's forever 25 you know. I don't know whether he really believes it or he's in denial or vain or whatever. :D For myself, I don't think I feel this way... I just feel rather young - definitely younger than 27 years! :D

I feel young and carefree! Really! :D Inside, I'm still a frisky, cheeky but thank God! wiser, 22! :D

Love sent..

2006-03-29T01:47:00.000+08:00

I'm just reminded of a song in my Easter Sunday CD :) It's my fave song in that particular disc.

Love sent a sacrifice
One spotless lamb to die
Love saw a need
and paid an awesome price

What man cannot supply
the love of God provide
One spotless lamb
Love sent a sacrifice

The lamb is His Son.
Born to die
as a sacrifice
for my sins.

His love is not measured by the circumstances about me. Circumstances are temporal and subject to change. But whenever I need an assurance of His love, I look towards the cross. To the ultimate sacrifice.

Romans 8:32

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

HOPE!

2006-03-29T01:03:00.000+08:00

I'm so very glad I went for caregroup today. I actually thought of not going 'cos I was tired out at work. Thoughts and feelings can be really deceptive - and I realise how real spiritual warfare is. And actually, how easy it is to overcome. It is just making that choice and decision to go. After I've set my heart on going, the lethargy just left.

Oh, I really thank God for my caregroup. Always so blessed by the sharing. And such lovely people in my caregroup too! Today, I felt so honoured that some were sharing their personal history, willing to be vulnerable to us. And I felt, listening to the testimonies, and the accompanying attitudes, that really, God is good!

I feel that Abba really so loves me. I mean, He's always refreshing me with His Word; teaching me, preparing a banquet before me. I'm just so thankful that He has given me a heart that hungers and He enlightens my understanding. I just feel so blessed, so blessed! Sometimes Lord, Your love overwhelms me. You've given me so much! Just pouring, and pouring Lord, abundantly! Friends, family, career! Your goodness, Your goodness! Lord, You just take my breath away!

Okay, so I'll just list the notes I've taken today. Be blessed!

Today's sharing is on HOPE

Kenneth (our CGL) summarised Pastor's message on 19 March 2006 into 7 points:-

1. Confident expecation of good things

2. Analogy of a boat.
Hope is the mast.
Faith is the wind.

Faith cannot work without hope.

3. The moment you believe, you receive.

4. When you see negative circumstances, know that the Lord is doing something good. (Hope cannot disappoint)

5. Elpis=hope. The hebrew word for hope, 'tek-vah' (spelling may be wrong) - has it's root word rope. (the same rope found in Rahab's story which was scarlet - Joshua 2:15-18)

It is the blood of Jesus that gives us hope.

6. To guard your mind, put on the helmet of salvation.

7. Trouble has redeeming qualities, producing strength and character.

My other notes:- (I took down notes that I felt particularly spoke to me)

Learn to see things in the supernatural,, not the natural.

Strength of faith, strengthened by revelation of covenant (what it means to be a covenant-child)

In work, it is the favour of God. Don't put your trust, even in your own charisma etc..

"It's not over, until I win."

Hope does not disappoint.

I really feel very blessed!

There may be factors that try to throw you off course for whatever God wanted for you in your life.

The good happened at the right place, right time.

When God works, it's effortless.

The journey that we have grows us to trust in the Lord for greater blessings.

Romans 8:24

For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?

Therefore, hope is 'seen' in the spiritual

"Hope brings faith"

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

John said this ("hope brings faith") to me during fellowship after CG. I was like, whoa! Let me just think on that for a while.

So true right?

I thought, faith would bring hope (that things would happen). But that's not biblically correct.

Rather, hope brings faith.

Hope is the positive, confident expectation of good things. Therefore, the more we hope (biblically), by 'seeing' things in the supernatural, by painting our hope with the promises of God found in the Word, the more faith comes!

Hence, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God!

Why? Hearing and hearing the Word brings hope! Hope! Biblical hope does not disappoint!

Hope brings faith!

Cool huh? Let me just chew on it some more :D

You are my desire

2006-03-29T00:46:00.000+08:00

May Your presence fall on me
Let Your spirit fall I pray
Let me be refreshed
Let me be restored
Only You can heal me Lord

May Your presence fall on me
Let Your spirit fall I pray
Let me be refreshed
Let me be restored
Only You can really heal
my heart O Lord

You are my desire
Everytime I'm weak, I run to You
You're my hiding place
and my fortress
You're my shelter and my strength

Lord I need Your mercy
Lord I need Your strength to see me through
....
....

Oops! I can't remember the rest of the lyrics. :P

We were singing this song during worship for caregroup today. And generally, when I sing this song, I seek to invite His presence during worship. But today, as the group started to sing this song, I didn't want to start just yet and continued to pray softly in tongues. And as the lyrics progressed and they sang "Only You can heal me Lord." I felt Him gently say, "See? My love, I have already healed You."

Tears at His tenderness.

Healed me of shame.
Healed me of lethargy.
Healed me of selfishness.
Built me up.
Building me still.
Transforming me.
His spirit has fell on me.
Assuring me, O tenderly.
Just embracing me.
Loving me.

Touched.

Gosh, I so love Him! so love Him...

Fall afresh on me

2006-03-29T00:37:00.000+08:00

I come before your throne
to worship at Your feet
to look upon Your nail-pierced hands O Lord
How awesome is Your love!

For You,
Your grace restores my soul
You've set Your heart on me
You've set me in Your righteousness!

Fall afresh on me!
Move within my heart,
Let Your tenderness consume me
Pour Your love on me
like rain upon my face
Till everything I am
is lost in Your embrace
Fall afresh on me!

This passionate song is written by Sean Goh, from New Creation Church.

I don't know him personally, but he seems to be a down-to-earth, humourous guy. Check out this blog here

I was just singing this song on the way home from caregroup, and just meditating on the lyrics. It's really beautiful isn't it?

to look upon Your nail-pierced hands..
how awesome is Your love!

Your grace.. restores my soul

Move within my heart
Let Your tenderness
consume me

Pour Your love..
like rain..
Till everything
I am is
lost in Your embrace

Fall afresh on me!

God does NOT help those who help themselves

2006-03-26T21:38:00.000+08:00

Today's service went back to doctrine - my fave 'subject' of the bible. I'm going to let the Word speak for itself in this post.

Galatians 5:4 (KJV)

Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.

Christ is our holiness, sanctification, wisdom and health.

When Christians ask, "how come I'm sick, poor, don't see the blessings of God?" Galatains 5:4 explains why.

How is Christ of no effect?

Is it because of sin?

No!

Christ becomes of no effect when Christians seek to be justified by the law.

Galatians 5:1-5 (KJV) in context

1Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

2Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing.

3For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law.

4Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.

5For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.

God does not ask us to not listen to the counsel of the wicked; He tells us not to listen to the counsel of the ungodly.

Ungodly people can be naturally good. But being naturally 'good' avails nothing because it boasts in man's strength.

Whose way do you want to do it? God's way or man's way?

Isaiah 31:1-3

1Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!

2Yet he also is wise, and will bring evil, and will not call back his words: but will arise against the house of the evildoers, and against the help of them that work iniquity.

3Now the Egyptians are men, and not God; and their horses flesh, and not spirit. When the LORD shall stretch out his hand, both he that helpeth shall fall, and he that is helpen shall fall down, and they all shall fail together.

Again, in Isaiah 30:1-3

1Woe to the rebellious children, saith the LORD, that take counsel, but not of me; and that cover with a covering, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin:

2That walk to go down into Egypt, and have not asked at my mouth; to strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharaoh, and to trust in the shadow of Egypt!

3Therefore shall the strength of Pharaoh be your shame, and the trust in the shadow of Egypt your confusion.

Unfortunately, I think I see something like this in my company.

But I believe with all my heart, that my presence is a blessing to them. And that's why God does not want me to leave. Not saying this boastfully. I believe that I really matter to Him. And that He wants to use me as a channel of blessing. :D

As long as our eye is on the LORD, and not on the wisdom of man - knowing that our reliance is on Him and not on our strength - then it is God who will prosper us!

2 Chronicles 26:3-5 (NKJV)

Uzziah was sixteen years old when he became king, and he reigned fifty-two years in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was Jecholiah of Jerusalem. And he did what was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Amaziah had done. He sought God in the days of Zechariah, who had understanding in the visionsof God; and as long as he sought the LORD, God made him prosper

note the qualifier in bold. Uzziah did not seek the Lord all the time. Read about it in 2 Chronicles 26.

This does not mean do nothing! But to do everything from a position of 'rest'. Not striving to achieve. Rest means Holy Spirit directed activity. Working from a position of confidence in Christ.

In Genesis 15, God had already promised Abraham a son.

Why are God's blessings 'slow' to come?

Genesis 16:1-3

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. And she had an Egyptian maidservant whose name was Hagar.

So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the LORD has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai.

Then Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan.

Why are God's blessings slow to come?

Sometimes it's of our own doing. We don't want to 'wait' like Sarai. Sometimes, God's blessings may be delayed. Why?

1. Like Sarai, we want to obtain by our own strength.

It's telling the little detail that Abram took Hagar to be his wife after he "had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan" The number ten being the picture of the law. This also corresponds to Paul's analogy in Galatians 4 about Sarah and Hagar being a picture of the two covenants.

2. Sarai had the wrong picture of God.

She said that it was God who had restrained her from bearing children. But did God not promise Abram that he would have a son? She did not believe the Word.

Who is a cursed man and who is a blessed man?

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Thus says the LORD:

“ Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the LORD.
For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.

“ Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fearwhen heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

Impatience

2006-03-25T09:19:00.000+08:00

Today, I went to a website. And they had all this philosophies and ideologies. They had also people who had totally, the wrong idea of my God. Which really irked me.

Then there were also, my fellow beloved brethren, I think though very intellectual, perhaps a baby Christian? I wish I could tell him, hey, read Romans and Galatians! (but I can't 'cos he's always got his PM function off)

Ahhh! If only they knew! They're so blinded!

Yes, but for the grace of God, go I - like them!

I mean, this agitation (totally of my own making) kinda of marred my morning a little. I wanted to release a torrent of preaching on them. But it would be done so I would feel selfishly good and does little to edify them. Worse, it is SO not done in love but in stern 'correction'!

All sort of discussions, going about in circles - don't they see? Maybe they just like to debate, discuss and go round and round.

I realise Abba's ways are different! I mean He says something, we really see the light! and where it is the truth, it is really, the LIVING word, because we just feed and feed off it. Whereas in worldly discussions, it just gives me a headache - and there's no conclusion. It's just people talking and talking. Oh dear, how intolerant! grace grace..

And I know that some intellectuals think me too 'religious'. :) Oh well.

I'm passionate for Christ but I know it's not my battle to fight. And anyway, actually, there's no battle. It's just me. I'm the one who's impatient with them, jumping up and down at the sidelines, wanting to point to the cross, but don't know the politically correct way to do so.

And finally saying, "Lord, it's not for me to save." :)

Okay, whatever Abba. I'll just chill.

I'm gonna buy Pastor's message, "The importance of fellowship" It's really different, talking to the brethren from the same church, from different church, and finally, people in the world. Different levels of intimacy.

Okay Lord. Yes, chill. Be cool! ;)

My all in all

2006-03-25T09:18:00.000+08:00

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'll be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God!
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God!
Worthy is Your name

To be called a child of God

2006-03-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

We ended bible study tonight with this song. It's actually called "Just let me say". But this blog entry is titled "To be called a child of God" 'cos it's from my favourite stanza in this beautiful song. *sigh* It's a sigh of rest. Like, what did I ever do to deserve Jesus? Nothing, nothing... that's the beauty of it.. :)

Just let me say how much I love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in a shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face

And the earth will shake as Your Word goes forth
And the heavens will tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your spirit's flame

Let me find You in the desert
Till this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You my Lord and Friend

So let me say how much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You

And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

From this moment

2006-03-24T00:42:00.000+08:00

I just heard this Shania Twain song from my friend's blog. Love this song! :) Here're the lyrics:_

(I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything
and everything and I will always care. Through weakness
and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better, for worse,
I will love you with every beat of my heart.)

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

Singing

2006-03-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

I love You Lord
and I lift my voice
to worship You
O my soul, rejoice!

Take joy my King
in what You hear
let it be a sweet sweet sound
in Your ears

Renaissance

2006-03-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered how in the past, someone can be a painter, writer, scientist, musician, politician, philosopher,playwright etc etc and still be a someone and not one(s)?

I mean, the capacity of the human brain. Why, in the past, Mr Jack was a Jack of all trades, Master of all.

Why don't we have such people now? With our compulsory education, modern technology and gadgetry, higher standard of living...

The answer? DISTRACTION.

Yes. We have been numbed with routine, that sense of wonder we had as children, extinguished by playstations, drowned by television - our concentration wasted staring at the computer (perhaps even now as I'm typing!), even as our thumbs do a silly little dance sending sms-es over the phone.. I mean, what are we doing?

You know what, I have a DESIRE to be a renaissance lady.

Yes, a lady of letters, of beauty and refinement, of charity, of wit, of fashion - to write plays and political essays, read history and law, go on mission trips, soak in the wonders of nature, a photographer, a writer, a pastor, a healer, an evangelist - a daughter, awife, a mother of 8, play classical piano, play jazz, listen to the SSO, the SCO... I'm getting ahead of myself.

But I wonder, what would life be like, if I devoted it to (on top of having babes, being a babe and mother - 'cos family is of course, the 2nd top priority aside from God), a life of learning.

Yes, learning. Of what? Just everything. EVERYTHING my brain can hold.

Abba, what if you would give me a ferocious appetite for learning and knowledge - and along with it wisdom for application. Above all, Lord, use this knowledge to let me be Your women. Not just sprouting out information or participating in debates Lord, but also to ENJOY it and APPRECIATE it for its own sake.

See how I am capitalising it Lord? It's a reminder to Me.

Baby steps? what say you Abba? Do away with the telly first? Revive my library membership at the law library? Set up a system in learning classical chinese?

Lord, center my heart on You. Keep me focused. Life is too precious to waste on moments of frivolity. Yes, I know, neither should it be too serious. Lord, give me a godly sense of humour - man, what kind of request is that? hahahaha.. I shouldn't be asking You that! You! of all people! :D I know You can be corny. Sometimes I can't take You. Mushiness too! Brrr.. but deliciously nice! ;)

Okay, just let me enjoy Abba! Remind me to enjoy!

Jesus, my beauty

2006-03-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

They looked to Him and were radiant
Psalm 34:5

"I am beautiful, lovely, and radiant only when I look to Him, only when I listen to His words and what He says about me. When, through obedience, I allow His character to become my character, He fills and covers all the holes of insecurity I've dug for myself.

Jesus is my beauty. He is my loveliness, my confidence. He is the charisma, the attractiveness that is right and true - the breeds life not death. That points to good and not evil. The perfume the world, our family, and our friends will take notice of. What is she wearing? Jesus. The answer must be Jesus."

Kathy Troccoli, recording artist and writer

Records of the grand historian

2006-03-16T13:54:00.000+08:00

Just picked up my reserved book from the library yesterday. It's "Records of the grand historian" by Sima Qian. I'm looking at the thickness of the book in anticipation.

You know, it's like when you get this huge juicy steak - you examine the appearance - the browness, the gravy and appreciate the overall setting of that meat amongst the veggies and marsh potatos; you sniff in the aroma and whoo a little, then you prod it with your knife to test it's tenderness. You sit back and gaze in admiration at that dish for some time before you really dig in.

'Cos at the back of your mind, you're anticipating but something is holding you back, like a leash. Because you know that when you start, you'll have to finish, every. single. bite. - perhaps to the exclusion of everything else.

At least, that's how I read novels. As much as possible, in one seating. And if possible, I'll forgo sleep; unless my tiredness eats into my enjoyment. But I'm just anticipating the adrenalin right now and savouring the moment.

And the beauty of this book is that it's history, written in the form of a novel. So not only is it enjoyable to read, it has the additional 'kick' of it being true.

One of my favourite things to do, is to cosy up in the night, with a really good book and a cup of coffee. The best time, would often be during the monsoon seasons, with the winds whirling their way into the living room and the sound of threshing leaves on the trees outside; and me, snug, safe and warm at home with a thriller of a book.

Thank God for such moments! :D

Wonderful world

2006-03-15T23:28:00.000+08:00

Hey, do you remember when you were a giddy teenager? Like in college, and there was this cute guy that would cause your heart to flutter and skip a beat? Ah, those innocent days of daydreams and sideway looks and little smiles for no reason.

Oh, just felt like this this evening. Like that giddy teenager 'in love' with my JC. And this song was in my head...

Don't know much about history
Don't know much about biology
Don't know much about a science too
Don't know much about the French I took
What I do know is that I love you
And I know that if You love me too
What a wonderful world it would be

Now I don't claim to be an A-student
But I'm trying to be
For maybe by being an A-student, Baby
I can win Your love for me

Don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
Don't know what a slide rule is for
What I do know: one and one is two
And if this world should be with You
What a wonderful world this should be

Wonderful world, by Sam Cooke

Captivating

2006-03-15T13:26:00.000+08:00

I recommend this book called "Captivating", Unveiling the mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge. Planning to start a ladies' group to get together to exalt and affirm one another. So after you've read this beautiful book and are interested, and are located in Singapore, e-mail or leave a comment for me :)

This is what's written on the back of the book:-

Every woman was once a little girl. And every little girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story. Those desires are far more than child's play. They are the secret to the feminine heart.

And yet - how many women do you know who ever find that life? As the years pass by, the heart of a woman gets pushed aside, wounded, buried. She finds no romance except in novels, no adventure except on television, and she doubts very much that she will ever be the Beauty in any tale.

Many women think they have to settle for a life of efficiency and duty, chores and errands, striving to be the women they "ought" to be but often feeling they have failed. Sadly, too many messages for Christian women add to the pressure. "Do these ten things, and you will be a godly woman." The effect has not been good on the feminine soul.

But her heart is still there. Sometimes when she watches a movie, sometimes in the wee hours of the night, her heart begins to speak again. A thirst arises wtihin her to find the life she was meant to live - the life she dreamed of as a little girl.

The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman - they are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating.