Have a love break!

Thank God for my daily devotion subscription to NCC.

Sometimes, I find it unfair. That Jesus can be in my mind - He's there but doesn't seem there.

I suppose I'm talking about those lovin' feelings. I'm like this child who constantly needs to be assured; like an insecure woman who constantly needs to be affirmed.

A little disgusted with that. I don't like to see weakness in myself. Yet it is this acknowledgement of my own weakness - this humbling of self that I can find sustenance in Him.

So today's message was pretty apt. Have a love break! Take time away, just doing nothing but focus of Him and meditate on His love. Personally, my mind tends to be wander when I'm 'doing' nothing. So here I am typing on my blog, to focus on Him.

Well, I'm reminded. This picture just floats up in my mind's eye. I'm so in love. I'm sitting on the bed, holding hands with my Beloved and looking into His eyes - and just smiling and looking and clasping hands.

Take a love break! Just that.

And I sigh. Could we get any closer Lord? This peaceful, beautiful contentment, sedate satisfaction is warm and fuzzy - but what about the ectasy? When You reach in the innermost part of me and move me inexplicably. This quiet knowing and confidence is nice but nice is such a tame word Lord.

Today's Good Friday. The day we celebrate Your death. I am both sad and resigned. To recall You my Love, at the cross, naked and betrayed - and know that it is through Your sufferings that we have the victory. Yes, without Your death, there would be no church and it is through Your blood that I can stand before You; that You can embrace me. It is at once, both bittersweet.

Lord, I'm wearing black today. It's a day of fellowship as I go meet with my other babes-in-Christ for lunch. You're so good! You set me in families. And yet at the same time, I want to hide away with You - to a far corner of the earth. Where we will be isolated forever, just You and me. O Lord, I feel so needy. Just for you! And it's so tempting at this time, NOT to care for anyone else! I feel so jealous of You. I don't want to share You with anyone!

Yet it is a wonder that You can be God of all and still beloved Hubby of one. Surely You transform me into a secure, confidant, beautiful woman - favoured and loved by everyone. But between the both of us, You want me to need You, to rely on You, to depend on You, to love ONLY you - just for this time...

And I gladly do it Lord! You overwhelm me my Love.. there is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do. I can search for all eternity Lord and find, there is none like You.

Sometimes, I don't want anyone but You. Any guy would distract me from You and right now I just feel Lord, I don't want You to give me away to anyone. I don't want a life partner Lord, I don't want a boyfriend or husband or whatever, I just want You Jesus! Just You!

Lord, I don't know why I should need You like this. I just do, and I am not ashamed of it. It's such a confidence Lord, that You, in turn, love me passionately - in words I can't describe. What can I say my Love? My soul sings when You love me. You move me like nobody else can!

... geez, I'm smiling happily now, what a break! You restore me! You refresh me!