Love sent..

I'm just reminded of a song in my Easter Sunday CD :) It's my fave song in that particular disc.


Love sent a sacrifice
One spotless lamb to die
Love saw a need
and paid an awesome price

What man cannot supply
the love of God provide
One spotless lamb
Love sent a sacrifice



The lamb is His Son.
Born to die
as a sacrifice
for my sins.

His love is not measured by the circumstances about me. Circumstances are temporal and subject to change. But whenever I need an assurance of His love, I look towards the cross. To the ultimate sacrifice.

Romans 8:32

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

HOPE!

I'm so very glad I went for caregroup today. I actually thought of not going 'cos I was tired out at work. Thoughts and feelings can be really deceptive - and I realise how real spiritual warfare is. And actually, how easy it is to overcome. It is just making that choice and decision to go. After I've set my heart on going, the lethargy just left.

Oh, I really thank God for my caregroup. Always so blessed by the sharing. And such lovely people in my caregroup too! Today, I felt so honoured that some were sharing their personal history, willing to be vulnerable to us. And I felt, listening to the testimonies, and the accompanying attitudes, that really, God is good!

I feel that Abba really so loves me. I mean, He's always refreshing me with His Word; teaching me, preparing a banquet before me. I'm just so thankful that He has given me a heart that hungers and He enlightens my understanding. I just feel so blessed, so blessed! Sometimes Lord, Your love overwhelms me. You've given me so much! Just pouring, and pouring Lord, abundantly! Friends, family, career! Your goodness, Your goodness! Lord, You just take my breath away!

Okay, so I'll just list the notes I've taken today. Be blessed!

Today's sharing is on HOPE

Kenneth (our CGL) summarised Pastor's message on 19 March 2006 into 7 points:-

1. Confident expecation of good things

2. Analogy of a boat.
Hope is the mast.
Faith is the wind.

Faith cannot work without hope.

3. The moment you believe, you receive.

4. When you see negative circumstances, know that the Lord is doing something good. (Hope cannot disappoint)

5. Elpis=hope. The hebrew word for hope, 'tek-vah' (spelling may be wrong) - has it's root word rope. (the same rope found in Rahab's story which was scarlet - Joshua 2:15-18)

It is the blood of Jesus that gives us hope.

6. To guard your mind, put on the helmet of salvation.

7. Trouble has redeeming qualities, producing strength and character.


My other notes:- (I took down notes that I felt particularly spoke to me)

Learn to see things in the supernatural,, not the natural.

Strength of faith, strengthened by revelation of covenant (what it means to be a covenant-child)

In work, it is the favour of God. Don't put your trust, even in your own charisma etc..

"It's not over, until I win."

Hope does not disappoint.

I really feel very blessed!

There may be factors that try to throw you off course for whatever God wanted for you in your life.

The good happened at the right place, right time.

When God works, it's effortless.

The journey that we have grows us to trust in the Lord for greater blessings.

Romans 8:24

For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?

Therefore, hope is 'seen' in the spiritual

"Hope brings faith"

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

John said this ("hope brings faith") to me during fellowship after CG. I was like, whoa! Let me just think on that for a while.

So true right?

I thought, faith would bring hope (that things would happen). But that's not biblically correct.

Rather, hope brings faith.

Hope is the positive, confident expectation of good things. Therefore, the more we hope (biblically), by 'seeing' things in the supernatural, by painting our hope with the promises of God found in the Word, the more faith comes!

Hence, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God!

Why? Hearing and hearing the Word brings hope! Hope! Biblical hope does not disappoint!

Hope brings faith!

Cool huh? Let me just chew on it some more :D

You are my desire

May Your presence fall on me
Let Your spirit fall I pray
Let me be refreshed
Let me be restored
Only You can heal me Lord

May Your presence fall on me
Let Your spirit fall I pray
Let me be refreshed
Let me be restored
Only You can really heal
my heart O Lord

You are my desire
Everytime I'm weak, I run to You
You're my hiding place
and my fortress
You're my shelter and my strength

Lord I need Your mercy
Lord I need Your strength to see me through
....
....

Oops! I can't remember the rest of the lyrics. :P

We were singing this song during worship for caregroup today. And generally, when I sing this song, I seek to invite His presence during worship. But today, as the group started to sing this song, I didn't want to start just yet and continued to pray softly in tongues. And as the lyrics progressed and they sang "Only You can heal me Lord." I felt Him gently say, "See? My love, I have already healed You."

Tears at His tenderness.

Healed me of shame.
Healed me of lethargy.
Healed me of selfishness.
Built me up.
Building me still.
Transforming me.
His spirit has fell on me.
Assuring me, O tenderly.
Just embracing me.
Loving me.

Touched.

Gosh, I so love Him! so love Him...

Fall afresh on me

I come before your throne
to worship at Your feet
to look upon Your nail-pierced hands O Lord
How awesome is Your love!

For You,
Your grace restores my soul
You've set Your heart on me
You've set me in Your righteousness!

Fall afresh on me!
Move within my heart,
Let Your tenderness consume me
Pour Your love on me
like rain upon my face
Till everything I am
is lost in Your embrace
Fall afresh on me!

This passionate song is written by Sean Goh, from New Creation Church.

I don't know him personally, but he seems to be a down-to-earth, humourous guy. Check out this blog here

I was just singing this song on the way home from caregroup, and just meditating on the lyrics. It's really beautiful isn't it?

to look upon Your nail-pierced hands..
how awesome is Your love!

Your grace.. restores my soul

Move within my heart
Let Your tenderness
consume me

Pour Your love..
like rain..
Till everything
I am is
lost in Your embrace

Fall afresh on me!

God does NOT help those who help themselves

Today's service went back to doctrine - my fave 'subject' of the bible. I'm going to let the Word speak for itself in this post.


Galatians 5:4 (KJV)

Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.


Christ is our holiness, sanctification, wisdom and health.

When Christians ask, "how come I'm sick, poor, don't see the blessings of God?" Galatains 5:4 explains why.

How is Christ of no effect?

Is it because of sin?

No!

Christ becomes of no effect when Christians seek to be justified by the law.


Galatians 5:1-5 (KJV) in context

1Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

2Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing.

3For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law.

4Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.

5For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.


God does not ask us to not listen to the counsel of the wicked; He tells us not to listen to the counsel of the ungodly.

Ungodly people can be naturally good. But being naturally 'good' avails nothing because it boasts in man's strength.

Whose way do you want to do it? God's way or man's way?


Isaiah 31:1-3

1Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!

2Yet he also is wise, and will bring evil, and will not call back his words: but will arise against the house of the evildoers, and against the help of them that work iniquity.

3Now the Egyptians are men, and not God; and their horses flesh, and not spirit. When the LORD shall stretch out his hand, both he that helpeth shall fall, and he that is helpen shall fall down, and they all shall fail together.


Again, in Isaiah 30:1-3


1Woe to the rebellious children, saith the LORD, that take counsel, but not of me; and that cover with a covering, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin:

2That walk to go down into Egypt, and have not asked at my mouth; to strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharaoh, and to trust in the shadow of Egypt!

3Therefore shall the strength of Pharaoh be your shame, and the trust in the shadow of Egypt your confusion.


Unfortunately, I think I see something like this in my company.

But I believe with all my heart, that my presence is a blessing to them. And that's why God does not want me to leave. Not saying this boastfully. I believe that I really matter to Him. And that He wants to use me as a channel of blessing. :D


As long as our eye is on the LORD, and not on the wisdom of man - knowing that our reliance is on Him and not on our strength - then it is God who will prosper us!


2 Chronicles 26:3-5 (NKJV)

Uzziah was sixteen years old when he became king, and he reigned fifty-two years in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was Jecholiah of Jerusalem. And he did what was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Amaziah had done. He sought God in the days of Zechariah, who had understanding in the visionsof God; and as long as he sought the LORD, God made him prosper

note the qualifier in bold. Uzziah did not seek the Lord all the time. Read about it in 2 Chronicles 26.


This does not mean do nothing! But to do everything from a position of 'rest'. Not striving to achieve. Rest means Holy Spirit directed activity. Working from a position of confidence in Christ.


In Genesis 15, God had already promised Abraham a son.

Why are God's blessings 'slow' to come?

Genesis 16:1-3

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. And she had an Egyptian maidservant whose name was Hagar.

So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the LORD has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai.

Then Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan.


Why are God's blessings slow to come?

Sometimes it's of our own doing. We don't want to 'wait' like Sarai. Sometimes, God's blessings may be delayed. Why?

1. Like Sarai, we want to obtain by our own strength.

It's telling the little detail that Abram took Hagar to be his wife after he "had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan" The number ten being the picture of the law. This also corresponds to Paul's analogy in Galatians 4 about Sarah and Hagar being a picture of the two covenants.

2. Sarai had the wrong picture of God.

She said that it was God who had restrained her from bearing children. But did God not promise Abram that he would have a son? She did not believe the Word.


Who is a cursed man and who is a blessed man?

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Thus says the LORD:


“ Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the LORD.
For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.

“ Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fearwhen heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

Impatience

Today, I went to a website. And they had all this philosophies and ideologies. They had also people who had totally, the wrong idea of my God. Which really irked me.

Then there were also, my fellow beloved brethren, I think though very intellectual, perhaps a baby Christian? I wish I could tell him, hey, read Romans and Galatians! (but I can't 'cos he's always got his PM function off)

Ahhh! If only they knew! They're so blinded!

Yes, but for the grace of God, go I - like them!

I mean, this agitation (totally of my own making) kinda of marred my morning a little. I wanted to release a torrent of preaching on them. But it would be done so I would feel selfishly good and does little to edify them. Worse, it is SO not done in love but in stern 'correction'!

All sort of discussions, going about in circles - don't they see? Maybe they just like to debate, discuss and go round and round.

I realise Abba's ways are different! I mean He says something, we really see the light! and where it is the truth, it is really, the LIVING word, because we just feed and feed off it. Whereas in worldly discussions, it just gives me a headache - and there's no conclusion. It's just people talking and talking. Oh dear, how intolerant! grace grace..

And I know that some intellectuals think me too 'religious'. :) Oh well.

I'm passionate for Christ but I know it's not my battle to fight. And anyway, actually, there's no battle. It's just me. I'm the one who's impatient with them, jumping up and down at the sidelines, wanting to point to the cross, but don't know the politically correct way to do so.

And finally saying, "Lord, it's not for me to save." :)

Okay, whatever Abba. I'll just chill.

I'm gonna buy Pastor's message, "The importance of fellowship" It's really different, talking to the brethren from the same church, from different church, and finally, people in the world. Different levels of intimacy.

Okay Lord. Yes, chill. Be cool! ;)

My all in all

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'll be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God!
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God!
Worthy is Your name

To be called a child of God

We ended bible study tonight with this song. It's actually called "Just let me say". But this blog entry is titled "To be called a child of God" 'cos it's from my favourite stanza in this beautiful song. *sigh* It's a sigh of rest. Like, what did I ever do to deserve Jesus? Nothing, nothing... that's the beauty of it.. :)


Just let me say how much I love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in a shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face

And the earth will shake as Your Word goes forth
And the heavens will tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your spirit's flame

Let me find You in the desert
Till this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You my Lord and Friend

So let me say how much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You

And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

Just makes me say how much I love You
Oh my Savior, my Lord and Friend

From this moment

I just heard this Shania Twain song from my friend's blog. Love this song! :) Here're the lyrics:_


(I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything
and everything and I will always care. Through weakness
and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better, for worse,
I will love you with every beat of my heart.)

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

Singing

I love You Lord
and I lift my voice
to worship You
O my soul, rejoice!

Take joy my King
in what You hear
let it be a sweet sweet sound
in Your ears

Renaissance

Have you ever wondered how in the past, someone can be a painter, writer, scientist, musician, politician, philosopher,playwright etc etc and still be a someone and not one(s)?

I mean, the capacity of the human brain. Why, in the past, Mr Jack was a Jack of all trades, Master of all.

Why don't we have such people now? With our compulsory education, modern technology and gadgetry, higher standard of living...

The answer? DISTRACTION.

Yes. We have been numbed with routine, that sense of wonder we had as children, extinguished by playstations, drowned by television - our concentration wasted staring at the computer (perhaps even now as I'm typing!), even as our thumbs do a silly little dance sending sms-es over the phone.. I mean, what are we doing?

You know what, I have a DESIRE to be a renaissance lady.

Yes, a lady of letters, of beauty and refinement, of charity, of wit, of fashion - to write plays and political essays, read history and law, go on mission trips, soak in the wonders of nature, a photographer, a writer, a pastor, a healer, an evangelist - a daughter, awife, a mother of 8, play classical piano, play jazz, listen to the SSO, the SCO... I'm getting ahead of myself.

But I wonder, what would life be like, if I devoted it to (on top of having babes, being a babe and mother - 'cos family is of course, the 2nd top priority aside from God), a life of learning.

Yes, learning. Of what? Just everything. EVERYTHING my brain can hold.

Abba, what if you would give me a ferocious appetite for learning and knowledge - and along with it wisdom for application. Above all, Lord, use this knowledge to let me be Your women. Not just sprouting out information or participating in debates Lord, but also to ENJOY it and APPRECIATE it for its own sake.

See how I am capitalising it Lord? It's a reminder to Me.

Baby steps? what say you Abba? Do away with the telly first? Revive my library membership at the law library? Set up a system in learning classical chinese?

Lord, center my heart on You. Keep me focused. Life is too precious to waste on moments of frivolity. Yes, I know, neither should it be too serious. Lord, give me a godly sense of humour - man, what kind of request is that? hahahaha.. I shouldn't be asking You that! You! of all people! :D I know You can be corny. Sometimes I can't take You. Mushiness too! Brrr.. but deliciously nice! ;)

Okay, just let me enjoy Abba! Remind me to enjoy!

Jesus, my beauty

They looked to Him and were radiant
Psalm 34:5

"I am beautiful, lovely, and radiant only when I look to Him, only when I listen to His words and what He says about me. When, through obedience, I allow His character to become my character, He fills and covers all the holes of insecurity I've dug for myself.

Jesus is my beauty. He is my loveliness, my confidence. He is the charisma, the attractiveness that is right and true - the breeds life not death. That points to good and not evil. The perfume the world, our family, and our friends will take notice of. What is she wearing? Jesus. The answer must be Jesus."

Kathy Troccoli, recording artist and writer

Records of the grand historian

Just picked up my reserved book from the library yesterday. It's "Records of the grand historian" by Sima Qian. I'm looking at the thickness of the book in anticipation.

You know, it's like when you get this huge juicy steak - you examine the appearance - the browness, the gravy and appreciate the overall setting of that meat amongst the veggies and marsh potatos; you sniff in the aroma and whoo a little, then you prod it with your knife to test it's tenderness. You sit back and gaze in admiration at that dish for some time before you really dig in.

'Cos at the back of your mind, you're anticipating but something is holding you back, like a leash. Because you know that when you start, you'll have to finish, every. single. bite. - perhaps to the exclusion of everything else.

At least, that's how I read novels. As much as possible, in one seating. And if possible, I'll forgo sleep; unless my tiredness eats into my enjoyment. But I'm just anticipating the adrenalin right now and savouring the moment.

And the beauty of this book is that it's history, written in the form of a novel. So not only is it enjoyable to read, it has the additional 'kick' of it being true.

One of my favourite things to do, is to cosy up in the night, with a really good book and a cup of coffee. The best time, would often be during the monsoon seasons, with the winds whirling their way into the living room and the sound of threshing leaves on the trees outside; and me, snug, safe and warm at home with a thriller of a book.

Thank God for such moments! :D

Wonderful world

Hey, do you remember when you were a giddy teenager? Like in college, and there was this cute guy that would cause your heart to flutter and skip a beat? Ah, those innocent days of daydreams and sideway looks and little smiles for no reason.

Oh, just felt like this this evening. Like that giddy teenager 'in love' with my JC. And this song was in my head...


Don't know much about history
Don't know much about biology
Don't know much about a science too
Don't know much about the French I took
What I do know is that I love you
And I know that if You love me too
What a wonderful world it would be

Now I don't claim to be an A-student
But I'm trying to be
For maybe by being an A-student, Baby
I can win Your love for me

Don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
Don't know what a slide rule is for
What I do know: one and one is two
And if this world should be with You
What a wonderful world this should be


Wonderful world, by Sam Cooke

Captivating

I recommend this book called "Captivating", Unveiling the mystery of a Woman's Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge. Planning to start a ladies' group to get together to exalt and affirm one another. So after you've read this beautiful book and are interested, and are located in Singapore, e-mail or leave a comment for me :)

This is what's written on the back of the book:-

Every woman was once a little girl. And every little girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story. Those desires are far more than child's play. They are the secret to the feminine heart.

And yet - how many women do you know who ever find that life? As the years pass by, the heart of a woman gets pushed aside, wounded, buried. She finds no romance except in novels, no adventure except on television, and she doubts very much that she will ever be the Beauty in any tale.

Many women think they have to settle for a life of efficiency and duty, chores and errands, striving to be the women they "ought" to be but often feeling they have failed. Sadly, too many messages for Christian women add to the pressure. "Do these ten things, and you will be a godly woman." The effect has not been good on the feminine soul.

But her heart is still there. Sometimes when she watches a movie, sometimes in the wee hours of the night, her heart begins to speak again. A thirst arises wtihin her to find the life she was meant to live - the life she dreamed of as a little girl.

The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman - they are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating.

TGIF!

Thank God I'm Female!

Oh, it's wonderful to be female!

Women get to be beautiful, personify beauty, offering love and care, nurturing.

Women get to be adored, known, treasured, loved.

Women get to be unveiled, enjoyed, a place of comfort.

They provide rest and peace, strength and support, hope and love.

Women get to enjoy their own femininity. The dresses, the makeup, the gestures, the laughter, the talk, the enjoyment of their own company.

They get to give little gifts of their presence to people who matter to them.

We have the power of kindness in our tongues, speaking life to others, building and edifying them, cleansing them from negativity.

We are able to share our beauty - in quietness, in exuberance - as in a restful presence or that twinkle of an eye, that elusive dimple, a bright laugh or a gentle smile.

Reaching for You

I stand here before You
in wide open wonder
amazed at the glory of You
the power of heaven
revealing Your purpose in me
as I'm reaching for You

Hillsong

Everything

As I start this post, I'm reminded of a song that I used to sing...


He is my everything
He is my all
He is my everything
Both great and small
He gave His life for me
Made everything new
He is my everything
Now how about you?

This Sunday, Pastor Joshua was preaching the message, "As Christ is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4)

We use faith to get healing, prosperity etc.. We 'use' Jesus to get monies, blessings, favour.. so that Jesus becomes a means to something that we want.

This is erronous.

What are we saying when we tell someone, "I'm believing God for a great job!" There's nothing wrong in saying that. It's one thing to say it to remind myself, it's another thing to say it to convince myself. The latter can become a formula, the former is a rest.

What do I mean?

See, people get distracted easily about what they see around them. We forget that all the blessings come with Jesus and we don't have to use faith to get them. When we have Jesus we have everything.

A man is poor or rich, not by what he owns but what he sees within himself. He comes poor by looking at what he does not have.

We're looking at things on the outside, whereas God gave us wealth on the inside already.

You see, we judge whether we have everything by what we actually have - and not simply by His Word. This is totally natural. Our understanding has to do with our 5 senses after all. But are we able to shape reality by the Word alone?

We talk about the bible. The bible says this, the bible says that. But what is the bible? The bible is the Word right? And who is the Word? The Word became flesh and dwelt amongst us. The Word is Jesus.

So reality is Jesus.

When the Holy Spirit comes and indwells us - it is almighty God Himself within us! He is the richness, the fullness God within us. But we don't realise it.

When we have Jesus, we already have everything. When we have symptoms - we are able to disregard them (this depends on your level of faith - how intimate you are with Jesus) because Jesus IS my health.

Now, this can seem really out of this world? Whatcha mean 'disregard' symptoms?

Hence, the qualifier. It depends on your level of faith.

Then, isn't the question back to having enough faith? Am I having to convince myself, psycho myself, to believe?

Nope. Jesus is the author and finisher of the faith. So who is your faith? Your faith is Jesus. You don't look at yourself for the faith you need. You look at Jesus, and faith will come.

That is why Paul prayed that we would have a greater revelation of Jesus. If we knew His value; if we knew how much He cares and loves us - the fact that He would come true and through for us is a given. We 'judge' reality then by what we see within and not our physical eyes.

1 John 4 - (my analysis is bracketed)

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us.

God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us (God is perfected within us), so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love (in context, the Holy Spirit who is that love perfected within me assures me) casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love (is growing in the revelation of Christ in him.)

What is the temptation of us Christians today?

The temptation of the devil is to make me see myself apart from Christ.

Discontentment can be a subtle thing. When we ask for things, there can be no end. There's always something bigger, brighter, better on the other side. Is it then wrong to ask for things?

Why, not at all! But it is an accurate observation is it now? If only I can have a notebook, I'll be happy. When the notebook comes, I may think, oh I wish I had this other model...

So what do I do? To ask or not?

There's no right or wrong answer. It is okay to want. God is not about freeing one's mind and heart from desires like some other religions would say. They say, without 'want', there can be no pain. Without 'expectations' there can be no regret.

A rather colourless way to live in my opinion.

But God wants our desires, our contentment, not in things - becomes He knows us. That things alone can never satisfy the soul and the spirit. We are His created beings, breathed into life by His breath - forever incomplete unless we invite Him to complete us. Contentment and satisfaction is found in Christ alone.

When God fills us, passion fills us. Have you read the bible? Oh! The language! The poetry, the hunger, the want, the joy, the exhileration! Nothing like the zen-like books I used to flip through and puzzle over. None of the intellectual stuff that makes one's brain run about in circles arriving to no conclusion. But God is a passionate God, who pursues us and embraces us! He is God! Worthy of worship!

Love IS

Love is the commitment of my will

to your needs and best interests,

regardless of the cost

Dr Tim Kimmel, author of "Grace based parenting"


In this the love of God was manifested toward us,
that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world,
that we might live through Him.

In this is love,
not that we loved God,
but that He loved us and sent His Son
to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:9-10

How do we know that God loves us?

"regardless of the cost"

He sent His only begotten Son, as the sacrificial lamb.

Jesus was the only baby ever born to die.

That we might live through Him.

Dreams and work

A lot of things can be subtle - self-condemnation, I know for a long time is like that. Especially when one is a Christian, and you think you should have known better. I struggle to remind myself, as the Word says, that it is through beholding that I am transformed from glory to glory. And not to judge my self-worth, no matter how compelling the world's standards are, by what I have and see. But to have that revelation, that Christ in me, the Lord's presence is EVERYTHING.

True satisfaction lies in Christ alone.

I wrote this entry in mid-November 2005 but did not publish it here on the blog.

Re-reading it, nothing much has changed. I realised how difficult it is to gird the mind, to constanting renew it with the Word of God.

I don't think it is an uplifting entry, more like a plea to the Lord. I feel that I would now like to publish it with some minor editing. Perhaps you may draw some insight into your own situation if you're feeling like me:-



A leader quoted this from General McArthur. It really spoke to me.

"The years will wrinkle your skin, but the lost of dreams will wrinkle your soul."

Why?

'Cos I've been feeling unenthusiastic about my job.

For me, I don't find obstacles in my job difficult - as long as I enjoy it. Objectively, to lots of people, rejection isn't easy. Subjectively to me, my job has been a breeze before, despite the 'rejections' because I enjoyed it.

But lately for the past few months, it's been a drag. Things now, are supposed to be much easier but why have I not been enjoying it?

I know that my job is a ministry but my heart does not know it yet.

Why do I feel UP on Sundays and down on Mondays when I haven't felt it before?

Previously, when I was new, my time and attention was focused on skills and knowledge. Not knowing anything, I depended heavily on the Lord. Now, after months, my skills and knowledge reflect my experience. I still depend on Him. But what had been a challenging but exciting process - now has plato-ed.

On Sundays and bible study nights, life is fed. Infused by the surety of His Word and confidence in His love. But then, working in the world - well, it's all about wages. Do this and you'll get that. Go, go, sell, sell, look at the production, see the money!

Man, I like money, I do! I love to spend it. But other then that, money does not motivate me. So I work until I have enough then I am contented - which is really a lazy way out 'cos it's mediocre standard and God deserves my best in this ministry.

Yet, I can only work my best when I enjoy it.

And God gives us freely all things to enjoy!

Why did God give me a job?

To enjoy! A job is for me to express the gifts that He has given to me.

And this was what I did for the first 18 months in my job. Now, I'm just so blah about it, 'cos everything has become routine - and they're pushing to motivate us in the company revolves around $$$ which is like, so what?

I'm wondering? What's up with me? Is it time for another job? Another company?

Prayed about it. To the former, I think the answer's no. To the latter, I think the answer's also no, though my mind and heart perhaps need a little convincing.

And today I got the answer.

The loss of dreams.

I've to learn to dream again. To dream again specifically in regards to my work. Not just do the things. It's not about once having a dream... people forget. I forgot my dreams through the months as I got caught up in the day to day affairs.

I guess that's why I feel up on weekends and blah during the weekdays.

On Sundays and midweek, the Word goes forth, to sozo - eternity is being set in my heart. Where the good news, the gospel, His love goes forth, faith stirs, the spirit rejoices, the soul, the mind, the emotions, the body is refreshed.

How to translate it to work?

I realised that there is no 'Pastor', no someone at work who can light the fire - speak to me in a language that I can identify. What's my 'motivation'? Talk to me about dreams. Talk to me about a cause. Speak to me about the future. Constant remind me, speak to me of ideas, help me identify ownership over what I do. Teach me how to achieve it.

I think I have a problem with pride at work. In my psyche, I justify it 'cos my work is commission-based, and by virtue of the nature of my work, I am not considered an employee of the company. My job is like my own little business. It's a very 'me' attitude. But I can't seem to change it. And to be frank, I think I'm condemning myself over this issue of insubordination. I can't bring myself to submit to the systems they have there - I tried to. But I can't. I suppose I can force myself to go to meetings.. which I did for a few months, but am unhappy about it. Now, I'm not going for meetings, but because I'm supposed to go, I condemn myself, and am still unhappy about it. 'nuff said. :(

"Raising leaders"

It's so different, the way believers and unbelievers do it.

I don't really have anyone that I respect and look up to and model over at work. And I find it very difficult to submit (as compared to church). And I know that this is not right. Submission, not only of actions, but of the heart. I guess a huge part is that at work, I feel that we don't speak the same lingo. We don't feel the same love and acceptance.

Some people may say, but come on! Be realistic, you're in the world what. You should not expect love and acceptance and all!

Yes, I agree. I don't expect it. I realise acceptance is very performance-based in the world. But how many people would perform better if they loved the job, loved the people and know they are loved in return, simply for who they are. I think respect and love as a motivation is awesome in a corporation. The challenge would be how to foster such a culture.

I'm blessed that the people in my company are very open, friendly and coorperative.

Perhaps I just wish for like-minded people to be around me. Or perhaps for understanding. For someone I respect enough to honour the advice given.

Perhaps it's time wishing for that sort of support from someone - that person to fan my dreams. Perhaps it's time to talk to my senior partner more, and let Him manage me to manage His business.

Let Him set eternity, place dreams in my heart regarding my work.

I don't know what's going to happen. But I'm looking to Him to give me the joy in this ministry.

It is all dead works and empty obedience Lord, without You. I want life more abundantly in this area. Teach me Lord. I must be real slow, 'cos I've asked this from You for months! Is there an area which I am disobedient in? Lord! Give me the desire - write Your laws on the tablet of my heart. That the work that I do would be like before, with Your joy, Your strength, Your favour - and most of all, let me enjoy, enjoy! Please! Amen.

Growing up

Okay, I need to arrange my thoughts.

These two words "growing up" has been on my mind lately. That I have not risen to the potential that God has placed within me. All I need to do is to flex those wings and soar.

That it's a matter of "taking charge" yet resting in the Lord. And the time is NOW. The time is NOW. But Lord, I don't know what to do.

Yes, I do. I'm just procrastinating. Until it becomes more painful for me to do nothing than to do something. And that's just silly.

Focus! Focus on Him.

I wonder how the children of Israel felt, wandering about the wilderness, but always being able to see the manifest presence of the Lord with them. Living comfortably (their clothes never wore out), having enought to eat. God took care of them, giving them cool in the day, and warmth in the night. I'm sure they were pretty comfortable with the status quo.

How did they feel when Moses died and Joshua became leader and then told them that they were going over to Jerico? Did trepidition grip their hearts? This is war. Were they reluctant to get out of their comfort zone?

Or were they fired-up in their hearts? Saying, "Finally!" For this was a new generation, untouched by the lies and lures of Egypt. Growing up hearing the word of the Lord, seeing His faithfulness day by day. Raring to go and finally, the time has come where God Himself would fulfil the promise that He made to them.

Come and possess the land that I've already given thee! A land flowing with milk and honey!

The Lord will fight for you!

Be like Joshua; be strong and very courageous!

I wonder her Gideon felt. What valiant man? "I'll rather stay and thresh wheat safely in my father's home." Would I rather do that and miss the fun?

But even Gideon, even he was roused to action. Perhaps there's something about being close to the Lord that inspires. For one cannot be in His presence without being moved. What's more today when His Spirit resides in me!

Oh, to practise that consciousness!

I'm done with writing. I'm done with contemplating and reflecting. I still feel I'm in my cocoon.

But this I believe, that I'm always in Your thoughts. That regardless, You're doing a mighty work in me. And because I often do not understand what's going on and am tired of trying to figure out, Holy Spirit, You take over. You pray, for I do not know what and how to pray as I ought.

My eyes are on You Lord. I've received your message but I do not know how to execute it. It's no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. I rest in Your Word and as I see my Father do, that I will do also. Amen.

Psalm 91

Song inspired by Psalm 91. Written by Karen of New Creation Church music ministry.

I will dwell in the secret place of the Most High
I will stay in the shadow of Your wings
For Lord You are my refuge
My tower of strength
My hope is in You
Secure I stand

You will deliver me
Your truth will be my shield
Jesus You cover me
In Your love no fear prevails

No evil, no terror,
no arrow, no plague
Shall ever come near me
For You are my safety
My hiding place
Jesus I trust in You
Jesus I trust in You


The Word of the Lord comforts.

Here's Psalm 91, an assurance of His protection over His anointed ones.


He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

new blog template

How do you like it?

Actually, yesterday, I was trying out another one. It was called 'kitchen template'. But it was such a 'westernised' kitchen.

Anyway, this one is nice. Serene. I like the sea, so I'm glad she's by the sea.

She's this picture of femininity, dressed in bridal white (see the bouquet in her hands?) and she is looking towards the horizon, waiting... Kinda of reminds me of myself. Waiting with positive expectancy. :)

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Now, hope does not disappoint.

Fans

It's enjoyable when you read books where the author is clearly a fan of the Word. Not presenting a stilted study but where he simply 'bubbles over' in sharing the Word.

So I was reading this book "Grace-based parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel where he mentions Romans 8 (which is also my favourite chapter in the bible)


"Everyone has favourite passages in the Bible. One of mine is the last part of Romans, chapter 8. Paul brings his powerful teaching on the grace of God to a crescendo. He talks of how grace helps us in our personal struggle with sin (Romans 7:7-25), how we can lead a victorious life through the power of God's Spririt (Romans 8:1-7), and of the future glory that awaits people who have taken part in the grace of God (Romans 8:18-27). Then it's as though he can't contain himself anymore, and he spills over with one of the most exciting passages of encouragement to people who hae received the grace-filled love of God. A sampling reminds us of the secure love that awaits people who have allowed Christ to change their lives.

[Savour the verses below.. :)]

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?....Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-32, 37-39)

Have a cuppa

A little story I received from my e-mail group. :) A little something to think on...


A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got
together to visit their old university Professor. Conversation soon
turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his
guests coffee, the Prof went to the kitchen and returned with a
large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic,
glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling
them to help themselves to hot coffee. When all the students had a
cup of coffee in hand,the lecturer said "If you noticed, all the
nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain
and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the
best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems
and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup,
but you Consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each
other's cups."

"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in
society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life,
but the quality of Life doesn't change. "Sometimes, by
concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So friend, don't let the cups drive you...enjoy the coffee instead.

Moving in

I've wanted to move out for some time. You know, do some growing up, have my own place - no more clashing with family members, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that...

I was just reminded of this again when I was reading the papers. This lady was talking about the sterotype that good Chinese girls staying home. And about moving on - or in this case moving out.

Till recently (a month ago), I thought this way. I mean, it's time to learn to do my own laundry, cook my own food, mend my own clothes (we have a domestic helper at home). It's like "training" to be my own woman when I get married and all that. And moving myself away from available help make me learn these 'life skills' that I needed.

Well, some of you may know, my parents are looking for a place. We've sold off our family home here. There're 5 of us in the family (plus 1 for the maid). And dad and mum had a tough time trying to find an apartment with enough rooms for all of us.

Finally we shortlisted two. One was a flat, next to a plaza, windy, high floor, near bus-stops and interchange, but one bedroom short. But my sister and I are willing to share.

The other was a beautiful jumbo flat, very clean, windy area but out of the way with not many amenities.

Well we were discussing. And were split between the two. Of course, being siblings, we would prefer to have a room of our own instead of sharing - if we could. The former was very attractive and convenient.

And I was all for it. And at first my dad was all for it as well. Until I told him that we would "prefer" if we "could". It was not such a big thing and I was okay to share. But my dad said something which really moved me.

"You know I would give the moon to you all if I could," (wow, never thought my dad could say such a thing! He's such a traditional Chinese father, I thought!)

"of course, I want to give both of you separate rooms if I could, but the price offered is not reasonable." (the latter owner of the jumbo flat wanted to sell $30-40K above valuation)

I totally agreed with my dad. And insisted it was okay to get our first choice. There's no problem in my sister and myself sharing a room.

I thought it was settled.

Later on, I heard my dad talking over the phone with the agent. My dad has upped our offering price for the jumbo. Sigh.. touched :)

I never knew my dad cared so much about us. And I realised that parents do a lot of things out of love and we missed the point. Sometimes, it's good to say also 'cos children like myself are not very sharp in picking it up! :D

Always thought about moving out to get away from my demanding parents. I don't know why, with regards to my loved ones, that I used to have such a short fuse; or that I always have negative assumptions about them. I think it takes a certain level of self-awareness to realise that.

I thank God that he has changed me. And I've seen His hand on my family. Yesterday was one of the 'manifestation' of it - seeing how He is able to transform the hearts of my family members. And even mine too! I've become more tolerant and feel so much more love to them - compared to indifference 3 years ago!

I'm just full of gratitude for Abba that He has moved mightily and is doing great works here! I thank You Lord for the salavation already granted to my family! Your faithfulness Lord, Your faithfulness!

So, seeing how much love and care my parents had in picking just the right house, (they've been searching for 3 months and filled 4 notebooks with all the houses that were visited!) I no longer have a desire to move.

Anyway, move to what? To who?

I rather be able to come home after work and be able to talk to them, keep them company. I want to be more filial. Like learn how to boil nutricious soup for them and all. Buy their favourite cantonese opera songs etc..

I think cherishing one's family is very satisfying. :) I haven't done that enough. And I thank the Lord, really, I would have never thought of such a thing being so spoilt - I thank Abba God that it is through Him, that heaven can be, and is, a place on earth!

No sweat - part 1

Pastor continued his series on the priest's garments for bible study tonight. This time, it was not the High Priest (Aaron), but the garments worn by Aaron's sons. Here are my notes for today. Lots of food for thought. I'm going to divide it into 3 parts for easy reading. Be blessed!

Revelation 1:5-6

and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler over the kings of the earth.
To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood, and has made us kings and priests to His God and Father, to Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen

This passage tells us we are kings and priests! That's our identity today.

I also love the beauty of this passage. See how John writes it. "To Him who loved us" how? He "washed us from our sins" in the giving of Himself, "in His own blood."

"To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood"

The passage below describes the garments of Aaron's sons.

Note that today, Jesus is our High Priest according to the order of Melchizedek (Hebrews 7,9) and we are the priests (not high priests) - like the sons of Aaron. So it behooves us to see the new testament significance of the garments that Aaron's sons wore.

Exodus 28:39-43

39 “You shall skillfully weave the tunic of fine linen thread, you shall make the turban of fine linen, and you shall make the sash of woven work.
40 “For Aaron’s sons you shall make tunics, and you shall make sashes for them. And you shall make hats for them, for glory and beauty.
41 So you shall put them on Aaron your brother and on his sons with him. You shall anoint them, consecrate them, and sanctify them, that they may minister to Me as priests.
42 And you shall make for them linen trousers to cover their nakedness; they shall reach from the waist to the thighs.
43 They shall be on Aaron and on his sons when they come into the tabernacle of meeting, or when they come near the altar to minister in the holy place, that they do not incur iniquity and die. It shall be a statute forever to him and his descendants after him.

and also in Exodues 39:27-29 which similarly describes that the garments won by the priests were linen.

Linen is a light material as we all know. Contrast wool. It's a material particularly when one wants to keep cool. It is designed to 'minimise' sweating. The significance here is that God does not want, the priests in serving Him, to have any element of human sweat.

Ezekiel 44:17-18

And it shall be, whenever they enter the gates of the inner court, that they shall put on linen garments; no wool shall come upon them while they minister within the gates of the inner court or within the house. They shall have linen turbans on their heads and linen trousers on their bodies; they shall not clothe themselves with anything that causes sweat.

Why? Because sweat is a curse (Genesis 3:19) It speaks of man's effort before God, least man should boast. [even in the construction of the tabernacle, it was the Holy Spirit who came upon the craftmen]

God wants us to depend on Him. To rest in Him. (Note that rest is not inactivity. It is Holy Spirit directed activity)

Below, we see that the elders are sitting, a position of rest.

Revelation 4:4

Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and on the thrones I saw twenty-four elders sitting, clothed in white robes; and they had crowns of gold on their heads.

Sitting honours God because we esteem the perfect work on His Son on the cross for us.

The number 24 may be an actual number but it may be symbolic. Pastor submitted that it refers to the God's people in the old testament (the 12 tribes of Israel) and the gentiles in the new.

Elders does not refer to age. It refers to Christians who are mature in the Lord. And those who are mature (not dependent on age or how long one has been a Christian) are the ones with a righteousness-consciousness. [1 John 2 identifies that there are different stages of development in the Lord - children, fathers and young men]

No sweat - part 2

Whenever temptation succeeds, it's a case of mistaken identity.

Whenever we sin, or are tempted, it's because we've forgotten who we are. Beloved of the Lord, unconditionally accepted. The righteousness of God in Christ. We have lost that consciousness of how glorious we are in Christ; that we are royalty and we did not stoop down.

Royalty gives.
Not only in terms of monetarily, but of the giving of oneself without expectation of return. And the giving is not because it is a good or Christian thing to do, but because there is a holy joy there. It becomes unconscious that you're 'doing good' but that it stems from a nature of BEING. Being a king, far above petty squabbles and all, and giving from that largeness of heart because it's the natural thing to do, like breathing. And this giving stems from being secure in that identification with Christ.

I also feel that one must be able to receive graciously as well. In fact, the best givers are the best receivors of God's grace and mercy, giving out of the fullness of the spirit.

And why not receive from men too? None of this Chinese pai seh attitude! :D God will bless those who bless you! And elsewhere, it is more blessed to give than to receive!

Revelation 19:8 (KJV)

And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.

fine linen = righteousness of the saints

We are saints not because of what we do, but because of what Christ did. God has imputed His righteouness on us (Romans 4)

[note that in the NKJV version, it talks about the 'acts' of righteousness. I personally prefer the KJV version because seems to suggest working to attain the righteousness that God has already imputed to us.]

Learn to live in the present. (Matthew 6)
You know, when you love someone, you don't want them to worry. And oft-times, we worry about things that may not even happen. Elsewhere, the bible says, "Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

Out of the blue, Pastor mentioned:-

Nothing is more attractive than a man who has strength under control.

There's something about a man, holding back for a lady. Ladies do get intrigued too! Depth to explore and love. Strength to trust and protect.

No sweat - part 3

On blessings:-

Look to the Lord. Because if you don't look to the Lord, where do you look for your blessings? Yourself? If so, you shall produce results by your sweat (with stress and anxiety)

No, I look to the Lord. I want the Lord's blessings!

What does the bible say about a bless-me! prayer?

1 Chronicles 4:9-10

Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez,saying, “Because I bore him in pain.” And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

Indeed, the only thing that was recorded of Jabez was his prayer.

And how does God described him? That he was more honourable than his brothers.

Why?

He was more honourable because he looked to God.

And what happened?

God granted him what he requested.

What grieves the Lord?

Luke 19:41-42

Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it, saying, “If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes.

When we don't know what makes for our shalom.

According to Strong's concordance, peace is eirene [1515]

1) a state of national tranquillity

a) exemption from the rage and havoc of war

2) peace between individuals, i.e. harmony, concord

3) security, safety, prosperity, felicity, (because peace and harmony make and keep things safe and prosperous)

4) of the Messiah's peace

a) the way that leads to peace (salvation)

5) of Christianity, the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is

6) the blessed state of devout and upright men after death

What grieves the Lord today is when we don't know what our inheritance is. Think about it. God so loved us, He gave His only begotten Son for us. Jesus so loved us, that He chose to die on the cross for us. And through His death, God, through the Holy Spirit, so loved us, that He never wants to be separated from us and makes His abode within us. If God is for us, who can be against us? And yet, we are blinded, yet we struggle - we come so close to Life itself, only to turn away, as if we were orphans when Christ has come and through His death, given us everything, reconciled us to God, given us the spirit of sonship!

Philippians 2:13

for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Accept the REALITY, that it is God working IN you. Know that! He is the one working in me the willingness and the performance of whatever I do.

God's commandments in the new testament are all His enable-ments.

How?

It is not us doing it! Read the above again! It is God working in us!

Colossians 1:27-29

To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. To this end I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily.

Don't even try to love. Because it's you who's trying. And you're not 'Love'.

Boy, do I know what that means. When I try to love someone, it becomes an obligation. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm rude to that someone, but I just accept the fact that I don't like the person at all. And when I let go of 'trying', I slowly feel compassion for him and her.

"A child needs to feel. You are not a child anymore."

I felt that the Lord was firmly telling me this. Actually, it means something else to me. Maybe I'll share it some other time.

Meditate (speak it out, mutter): God is working in me. (emphasis on different word each time)

My heart gave a thrill when Pastor observed in the auditorium that "it sounds like an army is being prepared." I feel the tremble, and soon it will be time. When the sons of Man will rise. The Shekeniah glory of God is returning to His church. An army arises to face a defeated foe. When the sons of El-Shaddai would come into a full revelation of their inheritance, wielding the spirit as a sword, they shall take command and put to flight the works of the evil one. An army is prepared! Can you hear the awe? Can you taste their fright? An army is prepared, heralding the return of the King of kings!

1 John 2:27

But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him.

The anointing is already abiding in me. Anointing = present continuous.

The power of God working in me mightily.

As Christ is, so am I.

Greater things than this shall you do when I go back to my Father.

Give me boldness in this day Lord! I walk victoriously because of You!

Heart of worship

Today, a sister was sharing with me something about worship.

Where is God now? God is at Mount Zion.

And in His presence there is joy ever lasting.

So when we're feeling blah and down, what do we do? When there is an absence of His presence? Or when we're feeling condemned etc..

Well, God has moved! He's no longer at Mount Sinai.

Hebrews 12:22-23

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, to an innumerable company of angels,to the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are registered in heaven, to God the Judge of all, to the spirits of just men made perfect

We've been well taught enough to know that He's not there any longer but at Mount Zion. So here, we are, at the foot of Mount Zion, with the cares of the world upon our shoulders.

And we worship. When we worship and speak forth, we focus our attention on the Lord. When we focus our attention as we worship and speak forth, and confess the Word in the midst of our worship, we speak life.

Slowly, worship creates a buoyancy in the spirit. Where one was once low and down, worship lifts the spirit up up and up to Mount Zion. There, in His presence.

Another thing my sister shared, which I felt is so good...

That worship ploughs the heart.

Yes, you read it right!

You know how the Word falls onto different ground, like a seed.

Well, for best results, the farmer ploughs the land before scattering the seeds. And worship does that! It softens the heart; it prepares a tender heart, a fertile heart, a readied heart for the Word of life!

Yes, isn't that so true?

So now, before I read the bible, I shall come before the Lord, in quietness, in obedience, in worship. And let Him tenderly minister to me. And allow myself to draw near to His presence in worship and open my heart to the zoe life, and saving power of His Word, and exalt in it taking deep root within my soul, renewing my mind.

A conversation

Abba,

O Lord, what can I write?

I don't know how You put up with my disobedience. I'm so stubborn. I'm just like a petulant child, demanding that You need to put the desires in my heart.

But is it wrong Lord? My Abba. I feel like I'm taking advantage of Your love for me. Always counting on You to rescue me. Knowing of Your goodness. And everytime You do, I just feel so loved and thankful. And then I make the same mistake again. And I don't like it at all!

But I'm still like that child, refusing to budge. Wassup man?!

I haven't been eating well. I think. I've been listening and feeding on the sermons. But I missed the reading. I missed feeling having Your precious seeds fall on a fertile tender heart, hungry for Your Word. At times, I feel like, "hey, I know this already." But I don't right? Or else I wouldn't be writing like this.

I know You Lord. I know You love me. And I'm so glad that You reassure me so many times. But Lord, what's next? What's the next step? What does it mean to flow with You? To soar upon eagle's wings - 'cos right now I feel like I'm just perching.

I'm grumpy Abba. Just plain grumpy. Not angry - that's too tiring. And I'm glad I can be grumpy with You. That I can be free to be myself with You. But Abba, it's so unexciting to be grumpy.

I remember the thrill of being in love. Yes Lord, hooked on love. Madly in love with Jesus. And this thing about being married to Him - well, I want to feel the romance everyday!

And there's nothing to do but allow You to love me? The thing is Lord, I don't allow You enough. I just can't quiet myself and fix my mind, my heart, my soul on You. Even being so close to You, You just awe me You know. I'm not complaining. I love it when You touch my heart, say that You love me... I guess I have this secret fear.. what if one day I come, and I just don't feel anything? So I'm apprehensive to come into Your presence. Silly right?

Sometimes I feel so young. Like You know so much. And I'm just a child. And sometimes I feel that I have to grow up. Be responsible etc... but there's nothing more that I want to do than depend on You. Is that the struggle of the flesh? And then I go the other extreme...

Abba, feed me more! I know You are good. You are just pouring something into my spirit, and it's frustrating because I don't understand yet. Does it make sense to You? I know it does.. You know everything.

Tell me again. How do You see me?

As a beloved daughter. Beautiful and pure. Honoured and gifted. Endowed with healing hands and anointed. Wearing the mantle of a priest and the crown of royalty. Carrying Your glory. Holding the sceptor. Commanding, decreeing, words of life proceeding. Favoured, a shining destiny. A retinue of angels, ministering spirits sent forth to minister to the heirs of this world. More than a conqueror. In Christ. Seated at the right hand. Close to the Father's heart. Hidden in His bosom. Precious. Treasured. Deeply loved. Inseparable. Ever in My thoughts.

Abba, Your affirming words gives me rest. I am not ashamed to come to You to be washed from the weariness of the world. Apart from You I am dry Lord. Intellectual pursuits is no substitute for Your living waters.

Thank You Lord for Your peace that guards my heart. That keeps You in my mind. You are the one that is holding on to me. You'll never let me out of Your sight. You make sure that I don't stray away from You.

I didn't forget Lord. That day, that prayer I made, walking up that slope on the way home. I just knew You Abba, as really, my Daddy. And I remembered telling You that You have all the keys to my heart, my mind, my soul, my life. That I've given it all to You. I know You have brought that memory in remembrance. I remember what You said, how You felt. You were moved. You said You loved me and I felt Your embrace. When I said that Abba, I was afraid. Afraid to be apart from You like I was before. And finding You, knowing You Jesus, I never wanted to be apart again. And I was afraid that one day, I would leave You. But You reassured me. You'll never let me part from You ever ever ever again. How precious I am to You my Lord!

I love talking to You Abba. It's been such a long time since we had such a heart to heart chat aside from the hurried one-liners that I toss towards You at other times.

Thank You for blessing my family with choices for a new place. Suddenly, we get bigger places at lower prices, and it just keeps coming, and I know that it's You Abba.

I hope I can sit still and just let You love me.

Why do men labout to enter the rest?

I just want more, more of You Jesus. More revelation of You Jesus. I'm just so hungry for You right now. And You are just so generous in the giving of Yourself.

I love You, I love You, I love You!

You're cool Man! You're just so great! Saviour, Lord, King! and Mine!

I love it! I love being able to come into Your presence freely and unload my baggage on You. You love me so much You take all my crap. I still wonder at times, why You love me so much. I know.. You just do right?

Ah.. Lord! It's Your goodness that leads me to repentence!

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever! Excellent! Eternity!

You're such a wonderful, great, swell Dad! I just want to love You more!

Ciao. Night. Sleep. Luv Ya! Luv ya, luv ya, luv ya!

Oh, You fill me up until I want to be like David, dancing with all His might before the Ark. I want to do cartwheels until I am exhausted! Hahahahahaha... You have put the smile back onto my face my Love!

Okay, really now, good night Darling!