In the bible, Paul calls the church, 'Brethren'
For anonymity's sake, I have decided not to name any one on this blog. I may refer to my Christian friends as 'brother' or 'sister'. When I am refering to my blood-related brother or sister, I will use italics.
I was reading through my blogs, and they're pretty long... yeeks. For easier reading, beloved reader, (and for my own easy reference), I've decided to break it up into topics.
Privacy
I told one of my sisters I was blogging and she said she would not consider it because she was a private person.
That got me thinking, 'cos I'm quite a private person too. Want to share but don't want to share too much. I 'think', but sometimes, I think too much ;P
Anyhow, I guess you will see little about my life except where it pertains to a topic that we're discussing.
Sometimes, the character and personality of a person is seen from his thoughts rather than what happens to him. In my line of work, it is not so much what is said, but how it is said (tone), how it is received (body language). I recall vaguely some studies on communication that only about 7% is verbal and 55% is body language.
Health
Yesterday, I heard a Jerry Savelle sermon. And something He said reminded me of my approach to health.
Remember, two days ago, I was quite sick and trying to confess health, partaking the holy communion. I realised I was pursuing health.
Matthew 6:33 says Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
I realised I was pursuing health - something from God. Pastor Prince and Joshua once mentioned that it seems that we need faith for so many things, health, prosperity, a new job, a salary raise, more clients etc.. For those fervent for the Lord, distraction from the Word is not so much distraction because of TV, work.. it's pursuing the different 'things' of God. But one thing is needful, seek first His righteousness.
And who is His righteousness? Jesus Christ.
Pursuing God, pursuing Christ. I was pursuing health not pursuing God. But when I know that I know that I have the Lord, I'll have health.
Energy
I've just made a belated observation.
I've turned pensive... yucks! Like I'm middle-aged. :D (BTW, middle-aged should be about 60 years young..) I've become mellow.. argh.
I remember when I used to 'bounce' into work, just a few months ago. No! This cannot be. I just feel that this is still going to be a great year!
You know how, at the beginning of the year, everything is so fresh, so new, so exciting? And then, you look back in June, and wonder, where have all the time gone? What have I done? Oh no, is this going to be like last year? Is life passing me by?
It's so important to guard your heart. With the things you do, see, hear, read. Yet, it must be conscious and unconscious at the same time. I may be conscious of the information I am exposed to but it is tiring to constantly self-monitor. Am I doing things right? Have I done my quiet time? Maybe things aren't going too well because I am not 'in the flow'?
There have been seasons where I am just so absorbed in Him, that everything unconsciously fall into place. Where doing little things at work becomes a joy; and the consciousness that, hey, this is really Your ministry and I am Your partner working with You.
And then, there are times I question why, knowing all of this, I am still not experiencing it?
Lord, I feel like deep within me, I want perfection, precision. And if I can't have it, I rather not try at all, and let it fall into pieces; rather than try and realise I can't do it. Or even a secret fear, that if I try, You may not come through. Then rather than having my illusions shattered, I remain in my comfort zone, and if things don't go my way, it is because it's my choice.
But really, it's my fear. Fear can be a subtle thing. Fear of failure. It can paralyse me.
But God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind.
And I can dare. DARE to try, dare to fail, dare to love, dare to be vulnerable.
Sometimes, it's easier said. It's easier to know it in the mind, but it has yet to drop into the heart.
Perhaps, as much as I want to be so absorbed in You, as much as I know not to be distracted by what I see and hear, the distraction comes through what I feel, think and believe.
But Lord, help me return to my first love again. Romance me again. And let not this feeling be only in church Lord, or in scattered moments of the day but in every moment - that eternity in a second.
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