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I got my paycheck a few days ago and it was much more than I expected! Business being slow lately (my own fault) I wasn't expecting much. In fact, I didn't budget for the Oasis camp that was coming up and had more or less decided not to go.

So I prayed to God as a matter of formality. Something which goes, "If you want me to go, You provide hor..." and imagined someone coming up to me to give me $450 like what actually happened to my friend.

Then this extra bonus paycheck! Well, praise God! So erm, should I go or should I use the extra money to pay my other bills and save it up? Is this the answer (about going to the camp) that I'm waiting for?

Now, I feel obligated to go. I'm sorry Dad. I don't feel like going. The last Oasis camp, though refreshing, well, there wasn't enough sermons going on. Man, I want to go deep into the Word and not go there to socialise. Which is what I think the Oasis ministry wants to promote - fellowship. Although Pastor had said time and again, it's not for anyone to 'catch fish' Anyway, I shouldn't NOT go just because of other people's wrong attitude.

Like Gideon (negative example), I've asked Abba for another sign to see whether it's from Him... although in my heart of hearts I feel He wants me to go even though I don't. So how? Ah.. I feel the love coming on! It's easy to be obedient when one knows one is love regardless of one's decision.

But this is not the main topic of my post...

When I started work, I had this other colleague who started in my company just 4 months before me. One could say that we're from the same 'generation'. It's easy for one just starting out to quote Matthew 6 - not worry what to eat or wear (I'm single so I have no obligations and responsibilities!).. these things that the gentiles seek but seek ye first the kingdom of God.. all these things that they seek will be added to you!

And it's easy to quote it happily but without depth! It's easy to quote it when one just started work and the future is rosy with idealistic dreams. It's different when one sees other peers prospering.

A week ago, I heard that my colleague, my shi1 ge1, bought himself a beemer (BMW)! We're the same batch and he bought himself a beemer! And I look about me and I asked myself, where did all my time go? When did my colleague, who lives in Jurong, took the MRT, now can drive a beemer and manage a team? What about me??!

It disturbed me.

Anyways, I put it out of my mind, until I received my paycheck with the extra bonus. In answer, I believe, to my prayer about going to camp. And as I was giving my Hallelujahs! I felt the Lord prompt me, with the infamous background of the incident of the beemer above and gently said, "O ye of little faith.."

I was SO contented with a LITTLE. I didn't expect or hope for more! Yes, I know that all blessings come from the Lord but Abba was reminding me, "Why are you satisfied with so little when I can give you so much?"

It dampened my Hallelujahs 'cos it's so true. I was satisfied in just having enough to have a good life, living for the NOW. I am very well paid for one who does not work much. But I have bills to pay, loans to repay and looking back at the last two years, felt that I was so short-sighted. Thought that being a good christian is just to be contented with what one has - I mean, that attitude is okay. But I never thought to REALLY ask God for a Peugot, an apartment, a REAL BIG holiday (not short trips) 'cos well, I'm "contented."

But contentment WITHOUT godliness is NOT great gain. It's mediocrity.

What is contentment WITH godliness?

To be honest, Pastor taught on this before but I forgot the message (anyone can tell me?) But I do believe it has something to do with righteousness-consciousness.

Yes, we do not chase after things but after the Lord.

But neither does God want me to take the leftover blessings. He wants the best for me! And surely that is NOT His best!

I'm still learning about this ministry of the marketplace.

Is there such a thing as a godly greed? Greed, not for things, not for chasing after things but WANTING more of the blessings of God. Being overwhelmed with gratefulness at His goodness on the one hand yet resting for MORE so that the cross of Christ would not be in vain.

How can a non-believer be more blessed than a child of God whose Dad owns the cattle on a thousand hills? Whose Dad made all the jewels, safire and gems of this world? Who created streets made (not paved) with solid gold?

"O ye of little faith..."

There's so much that I don't understand.

But there's an urgency there, to redeem the times. For the life that we live is a testimony that He lives. But what do the gentiles understand? It is not the spiritual blessings but the material blessings that appeal to them; the material blessings that speak of the testimony that He lives! So how can I be less blessed? How can I be satisfied with so little? I'm the one who's limiting God!

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen.

If I hope for little, my faith, being the substance of things hoped for will also be little. O, that the God of Israel should be so limited by my puny faith! What frustration!

Yes, we do not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the living God! Am I saying then that every word of God is transient? More insubstantial than tangible bread?

No! But it was the unseen that created the seen world! That every word of God, because it's living - should be more precious and substantial than gold or silver, more tangible than any tangibly sensory-perceived thing in this world!

Rest. But push in more! Don't be mediocre and contented with the little for it is pride! Did Christ go through His sufferings and died to just give me that? But no! He has unleashed the doors of heaven! And pourED out abundance! O Sally! Why are ye so slow to receive?!