Pursuit

I will follow after you as long as my soul lives
I will lift up my hands unto thy name O Lord
My mouth shall praise You
because You have been my help

In the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice my Lord
Your loving kindness overwhelms my soul O Lord
and I will bless You
I will love You all my life


I was just thinking this afternoon of taking a break from blogging.. 'cos recently have no flow to blog. Because this is a public blog, I don't really share the real, intimate and personal aspects of my relationship with Jesus.

And really, intimacy is what I missed most. I missed journelling... there's something about writing it down, pen on paper, something very physical and tangible that's just different from typing it up. And also, I don't refer to Him in the third person. It's not "the Lord", it becomes "You". And when He becomes "You", I become "me". And isn't that what a relationship is about? Just two people having a personal one-on-one time.

The pursuit of God.. I missed that. During worship, I feel Him loving me, in His embrace. I love being still in His presence, to simply meditate and think on His love. But I also love it when He reminds me of His presence in the nitty gritty of my life.

Part of my job involves calling. Well, I was calling for over an hour and the stats were against me. Didn't get an appointment. I suppose by this time, some people may be psyching themselves up like "every no brings me closer to a yes" etc etc..

Well, naturally, part of me was wondering, hey Lord, where's the favour? But you know, there was no sense of rejection or feeling down. I felt that deep within me, a gentle voice asked, "Do you still believe?"

It's like that ball that refuses to sink, but is still buoyant, bouncing, floating on top of the rough waters.. except it doesn't seem rough to me. And I said, "yes" to the truth that my supply came from the Lord; "yes" to the truth that God is faithful even when circumstances don't seem good; "yes" to what the Word says, that His favour surrounds me as a shield even when I don't seem to see it.

And as I answered that voice, I just felt His love and His joy come gently around, His peace settling in my heart. I just felt Him love me. And I feel, wow, even when I doing this mundane thing like calling, He shows Himself to me. Not even leaving me alone. He reminds me that He is there. Abba is just so good, so good to me.

And I realise, that He's calling me to drink more deeply from Him. To come and refresh myself again. It's not in going to church, in worship only... it's to feed and feed on His Word as bread, to be still and enjoy Him. Enjoy Him.. wow. To sit at His feet and look at Him, in His beauty, in His goodness, in His glory.

Wow, work is wonderful when God reveals Himself in the things we do. I guess that's why work can be worship.

I remind myself not to get distracted, and I have been for the past few weeks. It's not about doing other things. I can still have an active life. But it's to gird my mind, to focus my energies, to labour to enter the rest by actively partaking of the manna from heaven. O Abba, even this hunger in my heart Lord, this unspeakable yearning in my soul is from You. O give me more of You!

Today was so wonderful! My boss' sister was in critical life-threatening condition in the hospital. But praise God! He wrought a miracle. When she showed me the sms giving the good news, I had good shivers just reading it.. wow, God is so good! And my boss, she was 'stubborn'. She refused to give up on her sister, even when bad reports are all around. As she was telling me this testimony, I just feel the love that Abba had for her sister. He loves her so much, so much. And I think God yearns too. And He hates sickness and disease. And He is the great "I AM" Jehovah Repheka, He is still the Lord that healeth. O isn't He great! His name is Wonderful! Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus! Lovely, wonderful Saviour! Almighty God!