Exceeding abounding grace!

I've got a testimony.. of His exceeding goodness in my life!

As some of you may know, I had an examination about two weeks ago on 24 July 2005. Since this is a testimony, of course I passed.. but truely ONLY by His grace. :D

I meant to study but it's been such a long time since I did.. and I didn't 'feel' like it, so I procrastinated... and procrastinated etc..

Until, the week before the examinations, then I tried to study. By that time, I knew it was too late. And was resigned, at the back of my mind, to retake the examinations. So I studied, but a little half-heartedly.

It was about 4 days before the exams that I decided to buckle-down. When I say buckle-down, it didn't mean round the clock.. I suppose, in the last 4 days, I spent about 4 hours a day studying.. which really wasn't much.

You've got to understand that the course I was taking is a self-study course. So I had no lessons, no notes to fall back on. I was faced with this huge stack of notes that we had to purchase, approximately 8 cm in height.

There was no way I was able to read everything. In the end, I read the introduction, scanned the middle, read the summary and the question & answer section, which really was very little.

I told Abba, it'll be a miracle if I pass - it'll be You, not me. You have to help me!

I wanted to believe that He will come through for me. Yet at the same time, there was a small nagging voice whispering slyly, "But you should have studied earlier.. you should have known better.. 4 days only.. remember so and so who's smart and studied so hard and passed, even he wasn't sure that he would... You got to give God something to work with to come through for you..."

Yup, that little voice had a LOT to say. It could have been the devil, it could have been me. We have eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and when we do wrong, our own conscience condemns us..

That's why it's so important to know there is no condemnation in Christ.

But looking back, there was another bouyant and small voice inside which challenged me, Believe God! Where sin abounds, grace much more abounds! Even though you did wrong (being lazy), don't you think He can still can come through?

Oh, how I wanted to believe it! I wish I could say I jumped up and shouted, Hallelujah! Alas, I didn't. In the interim, my thoughts wavered between these two voices.

In fact, when I shared with one sister about my upcoming exams and how much I didn't study, she patted me on the back, and said, "Don't worry, it's okay, you'll do all right." I looked at her with sad eyes, and agreed with a pained "amen"... haha :)


We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony!

In my mind, I rehearsed testimonies where I knew that Abba came through even when we did wrong.. and of course, the examination one which Deaconess Lian shared. You can be sure I prayed a lot in tongues those few days.. I don't know if that helped (it's not a formula) but it did more or less kept me in peace.

I thought, "God is good right? He'll come through for me, no worries. Praise God! And even if I fail, so what.. it's like Esther, 'if I perish I perish!' but God came through for her too.. not so dire, just take again lor... but Lord, You've got to come through.. I just believe You, I just rest in You.."

When I went for the exams, I didn't even bring any notes with me. I was so desperate that my mentality became, "If Abba doesn't help me, I'm already a goner, need notes for what?" "Okay, Holy Spirit, You will teach me all things.. it's all up to You."

Sometimes, the person we need to convince is really ourselves.

So I passed! I PASSED! On 4 days of studying on an examination that is reputedly quite difficult! Hallelujah!

Does that encourage me to procrastinate the next time? No, no, no! If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would study AND depend on Him. But really, His goodness and love came through in spite of me!

When I got the letter, I took a deep breath and whispered, "Oh Lord, let me pass.." It's that kind of situation that I know it can never be me.. the first words out of my mouth, I was sooo happy, is "Praise Jesus! Oh Lord, You are good!"

But you know, it doesn't mean that we have to be pushed into a corner so that we rely on Him for everything. That should be the attitude in which we do everything. That should be my mindset even if I had studied.

To do everything possible (led by His peace), but to depend everything and know everything hinges on Him.

Wow, I could hardly believe it.. But the Lord wants me to believe, my level of faith does not change the outcome, my volume of faith (the way we see Him) is for my own piece of mind. My heart and my faith is already pointing in the right direction for Him to come through for me in a powerful way.

The verse I was holding on? Where sin abounds, grace super-abounds, and on top of that, much more! Praise God! He is able!

He's able, He's able
I know He's able!
I know my Lord is able to carry me through!